CAN I ?.. A MOTHER'S THOUGHTS.

Sometimes my ability to do things amazes me. Sometimes I wonder can I do this? Seeing the smiles on my family's faces gives me strength. Sometimes the weight of the world pulls me back down. Thoughts overcrowd my mind. Wondering how my parents would have handled it. Do I make my family proud? Is there more that I can do, or am I doing too much? Is everyone safe? Did I do what I was supposed to do today? and the one that wins them all, the question of the day. What's for dinner?

As a mother, I'm sure I'm not the only one who has experienced this. my mind seems to be on auto while my thoughts take over, racing to get answers. Before I know it it's time to start the next day.

I am a wife to a wonderful husband. I am a mother to four extraordinary children. Sometimes taking a minute for myself is a gift. Taking a breath is a challenge, and loving is never enough. How I am able to do all this and still function properly has me astonished.

let's start with my lovely husband. Handsome, smart, and caring. And not to mention the jewel of my heart. Also, one of the reasons my white hairs are taking over my head at the age of 31. I love him, doesn't mean I have to love his loud crazed behavior when we need the kids to get ready for bed or the fact that he loves leaving cabinets open for some reason. or the hyperness he has soon as he has candy. He does come in handy on our good days. like I love when he randomly helps with the dishes. aka enemy of mine. He is strong enough to handle taking out the trash because the smell or even thought of the smell makes my digestive system retract. for some preferably unknown reason, he can tolerate it. which I will never ask how. he can make me laugh at anything anytime and he makes my stomach get butterflies till this day.

Enough of the high school crush. moving onto the children I have come to like. Ah, my oldest son Ivan Uriel is currently 13yrs old, preemie at 7 months. complications during and after birth. An ongoing trouble maker. has the heart of three lions. just needs love and affection. The most gentle and caring boy has a hard protective shield up all the time, but mom knows the secret password. Makes his favorite food just how he likes it. That's why he will never leave me. I'll probably be parenting his children and be accompanied by his future wife for the rest of my days which I can patiently for a very long time wait. Nonetheless, I love him so.

That brings me to my daughter, as you read on will notice they come in twos. Melanie Marie age 11, with the mind and knowledge of a grownup. keeps me and everyone else in line. The queen of this lovely little family. If ever in need of help or company she will be gladly willing to take the position. The baker of the family because as much as I have tried doesn't work out. Melanie is the glue, the piece of the puzzle, I know all parents say this but this girl has got it all with no effort. From the smile that doesn't let you look away to the long dark brown hair that shines as she twirls. Is the perfect child in every way.

My third child is Minka Annalise. My 4-year old that can conquer the world. grabs anyone in seconds with just a smile and laughter. She just started school and has never been less than the perfect student. from your little helper/entertainer, to "I can do that cuz I'm a big girl now." long as she is willing she can do anything. Takes after her sister. Absorbs all that she sees like a sponge. Manners and skills are on point. no need for practice, and born to be amazing to do great things in life.

Finally, Aiden Christopher my 1-year-old son, who just started walking and talking. says dad and tia, when let's face it arent around as much as me and I am called apple and Bob but no. not mom. I have to be grateful I'm even given a name. this boy has the gift to teleport. you can place him down and in seconds be standing on the table with nothing to climb, with the pixieish look on his face. He can keep me and anyone on their toes. But has the warmest cuddles and loves to hug whenever you need it. He can fix all your problems with just one kiss. such a lovable boy.

This little big family of mine has me running around. Buying school supplies, afterschool activities to squeeze in as well as dr appointments, and washing their favorite clothes. To making dinner in a blink of an eye, as they think I can do. But this little big family is my precious to hold on to as tight as I possibly can. I sit back for just a second. Seems that's all I'm allowed, but that one second. I see everything. and my thoughts come to play. Did I do everything I was supposed to do today? Did I handle that situation the way my parents would have? Is everyone safe? are they happy? Do I need to do more? am I doing too much? Then a second is over and I am able to sigh in relief that we are happy and safe and have each other and we are the perfect puzzle for each other. So can I do this? Yes, and proudly.