CAFCASS Scared Her More Than Court - Here's What Helped

She thought she was ready for family court. She wasn't ready for CAFCASS.

When she first heard about the CAFCASS call, she nodded along as if she understood. She'd already filed paperwork. She'd already stood in front of a judge once as a litigant in person. She assumed this was just another box to tick.

It wasn't.

The truth is, the idea of speaking to a CAFCASS officer frightened her more than the court hearing itself. Court felt structured. Formal. Predictable.

The CAFCASS call felt personal. Quiet. And somehow heavier.

She kept thinking: What if I say the wrong thing? What if I focus on the wrong details? What if they misunderstand me and it ends up in the CAFCASS report?

She's a mum in England, involved in child arrangements court proceedings. Like many parents in the child custody UK system, she just wanted her child to be okay. But fear has a way of scrambling your thoughts.

The days leading up to the call were awful.

She replayed conversations in her head while making dinner. She woke up at 3am with answers to questions nobody had asked yet. She kept notes on her phone, then deleted them, then rewrote them.

Everyone told her the same thing: "Just be honest." "Just talk about your child."

That sounds simple. It isn't.

When emotions are raw, honesty can turn into oversharing. Or defensiveness. Or going off on tangents that feel important to you but don't help the bigger picture.

She didn't know what CAFCASS actually cared about. She didn't know what mattered and what didn't. And she didn't know how to talk about the other parent without sounding bitter.

Without a solicitor, she felt completely on her own.

That's when she started searching for CAFCASS meeting help and came across Family Law Service's CAFCASS prep meeting support with an experienced McKenzie friend, which is designed to help parents feel more prepared and confident before speaking to CAFCASS.

She hesitated at first. She didn't want anything scripted. She didn't want to be told what to say. What she wanted was to feel steady.

The prep session didn't feel like a lecture. It felt like someone slowing her down.

The first thing our McKenzie friend did was explain what CAFCASS is actually there for. Not in legal language. In plain English.

They aren't judging who is the better parent. They aren't there to punish anyone. They are focused on the child's welfare. Full stop.

That sounds obvious. But until someone says it clearly, it's easy to forget.

We talked through the kinds of questions that come up in a CAFCASS interview preparation session. Questions about routines. Communication. Safety. How decisions are made.

She realised how she was framing things around fairness rather than impact.

For example, she kept saying: "It's not fair that contact keeps changing."

What she learned to say instead was: "When plans change last minute, my child becomes anxious and struggles with sleep."

Same truth. Very different focus.

That shift mattered.

One of the most helpful parts of the prep was learning how to pause before answering.

Not every silence needs filling. Not every frustration needs explaining in detail.

She practised answering questions out loud. It felt awkward at first. But it showed her where she drifted into adult conflict instead of child experience.

She also learned that it's okay to acknowledge limits. Saying "I don't know, but I'm open to support" is better than guessing.

Our McKenzie friend reminded her that decisions in family court children cases are guided by welfare, not parental blame. Knowing there's legal grounding behind this approach helped her trust the process a little more.

The prep didn't promise outcomes. It didn't tell her what CAFCASS would recommend. What it did was help her feel prepared for the preparing for CAFCASS call part that nobody really talks about.

On the day of the call, she was still nervous. But she wasn't panicking.

She had notes. Not a script. Just prompts. She knew what her main points were. And she knew when to stop talking.

The officer was calm. Professional. Human.

When difficult questions came up, she didn't rush. She remembered to bring things back to her child. Their routine. Their feelings. Their needs.

If you're facing CAFCASS, here are a few things to note that helped her:

Write bullet points, not paragraphs. You won't read an essay on the call.

Focus on examples involving your child, not the other parent's behaviour.

It's okay to say you're finding things hard. Just link it back to support and solutions.

Don't assume CAFCASS knows your situation. Explain clearly, but briefly.

Preparation isn't about sounding perfect. It's about sounding grounded.

Getting CAFCASS meeting help doesn't mean you're weak. It means you understand how much weight this conversation can carry.

Without the prep, she would have gone into the call defensive and overwhelmed. She would have talked too much about history and not enough about the present.

The CAFCASS prep with our experienced McKenzie friend helped her understand her role in the process. Not as someone on trial. But as a parent trying to support their child.

And if you're still unsure whether CAFCASS is part of your case, this guide on whether you need a CAFCASS interview helped her make sense of what to expect and when CAFCASS is involved.

CAFCASS didn't turn out to be the enemy she'd imagined. But her fear beforehand was very real.

Having proper CAFCASS interview preparation with an experienced McKenzie friend didn't change who she is as a parent. It helped her explain it more clearly, gave her confidence, and provided the clarity she desperately needed.

And sometimes, that makes all the difference.

Note: This story is based on real experience. We have used AI to help structure the piece. The final version has been checked and added by a human.