Beyond Beauty

Alyssa, my middle child, was never an introvert, but during her freshman year of high school I noticed a change in her. She became reluctant to try new things, experience new places and even struggled with making phone calls to people she didn’t know. She was moody and often cried. Although her grades were exceptional, she started to struggle with playing the sports that she had been participating in since the age of five. She eventually quit basketball and softball, and remained a bench warmer for soccer, while limiting herself to throwing discus and javelin for track for field.

Alyssa was struggling with anxiety and depression, which seemed to just appear one day during early puberty. So as a concerned mom, I encouraged her to do the things that brought her joy and limit the things that made her more anxious and brought her down. She always enjoyed music and singing, and was a member of our church choir since the very tender age of four. After all, I nicknamed her “Alyssa Birdie” for that exact reason! Singing and music is where Alyssa found herself again.

She came home from school one cold, winter day and announced that she was going to try out for the high school musical “Legally Blond”. I was beyond excited for her, after all, I never had the confidence or support to pursue this dream myself in high school. She was awarded the part of Pilar, a modern day, singing, dancing muse-like character. And boy did she shine on stage! Alyssa’s dynamic, outgoing personality erupted on stage, and I was filled with so much joy and pride that my heart could have exploded. The following year she played Mrs. Merkle, in “Bye, Bye Birdie.” By her Junior year, her singing, dancing and acting skills were gracefully fine-tuned. She played the villainous character, the Sour Kangaroo, in Seussical. And, that’s where I too began to shine too!

Mt. Carmel Area High School’s Art/Theater department had a very limited budget, and the kids were expected to come up with their own costumes. Most of the kids sought out the local second hand stores to assemble their wardrobe. But, the Sour Kangaroo’s obnoxious purple garments were hard to come by. And, that’s when I pulled out my sewing machine, scissors, and creative abilities to design the most incredible, remarkable, shiny, purple costume imaginable. This form fitting, sequined satin dress was adorned with a light purple, frilly, boa trim. The baby kangaroo that she carried with her was also donned in a matching purple costume. I will never, ever forget the moment that Alyssa bounded onto the stage, in that gorgeous purple costume and belted out her opening song. It still sends shivers down my spine!

Alyssa’s senior year did not disappoint. This green-eyed, brown haired thespian was chosen to play Belle in “Beaty and the Beast.” Not only did I feel like I was living my own high school dreams vicariously through her, but this musical proved to be a healing, therapeutic event for both of us. I had been struggling with ongoing depression and pain from a serious surgery that went very wrong, leaving me with a unexpected, permanent disability. Countless pain classes and counseling provided me with very little solace in dealing with these everyday, distracting problems. But that soon changed when I again offered my crafting and sewing talents to the high school theater department for the musical.

My pain was soon distracted by yards and yards of yellow satin and tulle fabric. I had never sewn a gown before, but that didn’t stop me. I went to work on creating Belle’s iconic yellow gown, her white and blue pinafore dress and several other costumes for Alyssa’s notorious part. And, I didn’t stop there. I brought my sewing machine to the high school chorus room where I set up camp and helped other students with their costumes. Opening night precariously arrived after a late winter storm that left 20 inches of snow on the ground. All of the chaos, depression, pain and troubles of life melted away when that curtain opened, and Alyssa sang her opening number amid the French provincial backdrop. That night’s performance, as well as the following night’s, was unbelievable. Alyssa was so joyously doing what she loved most, and I was overjoyed in seeing her happiness. I melted into my velvet-covered theater seat for almost three hours each night, rejoicing within—the worries of life completely shut out. I was proud, peaceful, blessed and distracted from pain. Alyssa was glowing, capitavating, confident, beautiful, and so, so happy.