Being a Parent With Anxiety

Being a parent with anxiety is a struggle. Always worrying, never being able to stop the never-ending train of thought; at times it may seem like too much to bear. Like you're drowning in a sea of self- doubt. You worry whether or not you're doing it right, or questioning whether you're a good parent. It seems like no matter what you do you're constantly asking yourself if you made the right decision. Dealing with anxiety alone is a struggle. But being a parent with an anxiety disorder is a whole different ballgame. As a parent with an anxiety disorder, I can personally relate to all of the above. And if you find yourself in the same boat, you know it's not easy. It's an everyday struggle. And it doesn't get any easier. But there are ways to cope. Whether you are taking medication or not, these are all things we worry about when raising children.

The Fear of Them Getting Hurt:

I deal with this fear on a daily basis, as I'm sure most of you do. You're afraid of them getting sick, or having their first fall. The thought of something bad happening to your child is terrifying. But you have to realize that your child will get hurt at times. Whether it's a scraped knee, a broken heart, or falling down, these are things that help your child grow. Because as human beings we all learn from our experiences, good and bad. Most lessons learned are from our mistakes. So, it's okay for your child to make some of their own. What matters most is them knowing they can lean on your shoulder when they need you. Your child will be okay if they get a few scrapes or bruises along the way. As parents, we know that as much as we would like to shelter our children from the dangers of the world, that's just not the way life works. There are some things that are out of our control, and that can be the scariest part.

Am I raising them right?

We all ask ourselves this question. Even if you don't have anxiety you will ask yourself this at least a million times. You wonder if you are too strict, or not strict enough. Parenting does not come with an instruction manual, so it's okay to make a few mistakes! No parent is perfect. No matter how many articles you read, or parenting classes you take, there will always be room for self- doubt. It sucks because we live in a society where some people expect you to just stop having anxiety once you become a parent, questioning our ability to raise children. It's frustrating and demeaning, because dealing with a mental illness like anxiety or depression doesn't make you any less capable of being a good parent. Yes, it definitely makes things a little more difficult. But it also makes you that much more aware and conscious of what's around you, and that's not always a bad thing.

I'm afraid of having a breakdown.

There are some things that are sometimes out of our control, and this is one of them. Realize that having anxiety attacks and feeling like you're not yourself is normal. It's not your fault. It's not all in your head. Your feelings are valid and it's okay to get help, whether that means to change your medication, going to therapy, or whatever helps you feel like yourself again. Having an anxiety disorder genuinely affects the chemicals in your brain. It affects problematic releases of serotonin, norepinephrine, and other chemicals in the brain. You can't help it just as much as someone with bad eyesight can't help needing glasses to see. So, don't beat yourself up. Remind yourself that you are a human being with emotions too.

Not Wanting to Be the 'Helicopter Parent'

As much as we would like to be there every minute to ensure our child's safety, we can't. Our children will eventually start going to school, where they will be completely out of our reach for several hours. You can't help to think the worst. What if they get bullied? What if something happens while they're at school? There are a million bad scenarios that go through my mind, and I'm sure you have a similar thought process. Trust that your child will take everything you have taught them and use it. They will be okay. Take a deep breath and take comfort in the fact that you were their first teacher. So, chances are they will take everything you taught them and put it to good use. Your child will learn many things at school other than math and English. School will prepare them for dealing with different people. Some of those experiences will be good, and some will be bad. But having these experiences will help them grow as a person. Don't be afraid of that. Be comforted by the fact that they are figuring out who they are. And trust when I say they will still need your support and guidance to navigate the rocky road of self acceptance.

I don't want them to grow up too fast.

Having anxiety can mean fearing loss of time. It feels like the years are flying by, and there's no way to slow it down. Too many of us it feels as though our cherubs were newborns just yesterday. And now they're growing up right in front of our eyes. Feeling as though you're losing time is scary. Unfortunately growing up is a part of life. It's one of the many things in life that we just cannot control. If we focus too much on time, we just end up losing more of it. And trust me when I say I know it's easier said than done. Not thinking is literally something we cannot do. We can't just turn our brains off.

Last Thoughts

At the end of the day being a parent with anxiety is draining. You're probably already thinking about tomorrow before it comes and the million things you have to do. Relax, you've got this! You are doing a good job, and all that matters is that you have provided your children with everything they need. And most importantly, that your home is filled with love and support. The way you decide to parent is your choice. Learning to accept the things we cannot change or control will take time. Trust me, your children will still love you no matter what. Keep your head up and consider the advice of the people you trust. Most importantly, learn to trust and love yourself. There is only one you, celebrate that.