Because We Said So!

Women become single moms for many different reasons. Being a single mother is tough. It can be really tough! I am a single mother. I make it look easy...Many struggles plague single moms. The main struggle is usually finances. The single mom is the primary provider for her children. There is only one paycheck in the house. That single paycheck has to cover shelter, utilities, food and the miscellaneous items for her children. She has to cook and clean. She has to work, spend time with her children all while eating healthy and staying slim. Whew chile!

DATING

Dating as a single mom is hard. Hell, doing anything as a single mom is hard! On a personal level, it is difficult because she (a single mother) has to carve out time to date a man. She has to find a sitter for her child(ren). She needs a date outfit. Some moms (like myself) don't have a lot of going out clothes. On a societal level, single moms face a double edged sword. If I am a single mother with no desire to date, society frowns. Comments like "your children need a father figure!" echo in my head. If I decide I DO want to date, society has an opinion for that too. "You bring men around your children?" *face palm* which one is it? I mean seriously.

WORKING

Children need things. They need a roof over their heads. They need food to eat. They need clothes, shoes, warm water to bathe in...the list goes on. My fellow parents know what I'm talking about! These things are not free. No matter how much we wish they were. In order to have money, one must work, right? Working as a single mother is a balancing act. You have to work enough hours to make enough money to pay the bills. You also want to spend time with your children. Working has unwritten rules in society as well. Working moms are chastised for "working too much". The idea is that a mom that works, does not or can not spend time with her children. The thought is that a working mom is choosing her career over her family. Ok then, I will work less hours or not work at all to spend time with my children. NOPE! Single moms who don't work are chastised for using government assistance. "She is lazy!" or "She better get a job to take care of the children she chose to have!" Which one is it?!?! *face palm*

APPEARANCE

On top of being a single mother, primary caregiver, and sole breadwinner of the household, she has to look good. Sheesh! * wipes forehead* My waist should be thin, my hair done and my outfit cute. Uh...no! More double standards . A single mom in sweats and a messy bun is ghetto. The mom that has her hair and nails done with a nice outfit, shoes and purse is presumed to not take care of her children because she has nice things and/or looks good. I've heard people say stuff like "she probably used her child support..." I mean, are there moms getting child support and using it on themselves? Probably, but don't assume or generalize. Frankly, It is no one's business but hers anyway! You don't know that woman, you don't know her struggle, where she has been or what it took to get here.

It is exhausting enough being a single mom, I do not need society browbeating me too. I am human just like everyone else. I am an adult woman. I have desires, hopes, dreams and aspirations. Just because I chose to have children, doesn't change anything. It just means that I am responsible for someone other than myself. Single mothers like to be pretty. We get tired and need breaks. Everyone has an opinion and that's ok, but as far as I'm concerned...don't give me your opinion unless I ask for it. I promise you I won't though.