As We Go Our Separate Ways

Today I felt a shift as I witnessed two of my sisters leave my house and walk to their respective cars, this summer evening just as a monsoon was rolling in.

I locked the door, and headed outside to the backyard, to enjoy the smell of the rain and the break in the hundred-degree temperatures.

When I got there, the feeling that was welling up only got stronger.

What I felt was a pain and a joy. It was like a brain chemical had been released that can only be compared to wanting. I felt their absence quite vehemently, which I haven’t experienced for as long as I can remember. I also felt inwardly content to be alone at the same time.

To put things in perspective, I will describe my sisters for you.

Wynter is my twin sister. We are identical, but very much opposite in how we conduct ourselves in daily life.

Wynter can be described as bookish, a gossip, impatient, and someone who always speaks her mind.

Lately Wynter has been dealing with panic attacks and anxiety disorder, as she grows into herself and passes through a chapter in her life. She’s had these symptoms on and off again, changing in severity and longevity over the course of the pandemic onward.

Wynter wants to be a licensed clinical social worker, to help others with OCD, panic, and anxiety. She particularly wants to work with kids.

Having said this, her anxiety has flared up this past week. This is due to the fact that she and I are house-sitting for our parents, and we have to separate for 6 nights.

As a result of her anxiety condition, Wynter’s way of coping is to: tell me timetables over and over, repeat her requests, micromanage me, and monitor that I am on task to her liking. In other words, it’s been very unpleasant for me.

Needless to say, I was happy to spend 6 nights away from her oversight, and attempted control.

Lyric is my oldest sister. She can be described as: driven, intelligent, easily irritated, and a little condescending.

She has grown a lot in her pursuit to love and like herself, which she has struggled with in the past.

Over the course of many years, Lyric lived away from the town she grew up in (where I still live), residing in various places, in various cities. However, Lyric found her way back to Tucson. Back to me.

Currently she holds the highest paying job in our immediate family, and she is the most financially aware and sound.

She works as a graphic designer, with several clients under her belt, alongside her position as a website designer for Northern Arizona University.

She invited me to hang out with her on the very same day Wynter and I’s house-sitting began.

I felt irritation, as I had gotten little hours of sleep, and I was broke. I also was currently jobless.

I agreed right away though.

This was because I rarely spend time with her, and I know she gets lonely. Besides, I like antique and thrift shopping, even if I’m just browsing.

During the course of the day she was easy going, generous, and a good listener. I enjoyed being with her. Even on five hours of sleep.

Aurelie is my youngest sister. She can be described as: go with the flow, artistically talented, physical, and self-deprecating.

When I say physical, I mean she craves contact with others, by means of touch. A professional aura reader called her a healing shaman in a past life.

Who knows if this is true. One thing is true though. She pets me, grabs me, and squeeze hugs me more than I care to receive.

I don’t take major offense to this, as I know as a person, she needs more of this than I do. It’s mainly just irritating and uncomfortable.

She does this primarily to me, in comparison to Lyric or Wynter.

I believe it’s because of the influence and view she had of me as a little girl. I always babied her to much. She now holds me in very high esteem, which she consistently tells me.

I am glad of this honestly, but I find myself veering away from her touch, mainly because I have problems of my own and I am who I am; which is yet to be discussed.

Aurelie plans to become an animator. She is still finding herself, but I watch her grow everyday, and gain a new appreciation for the woman she has become.

During this exact discussed timespan, Aurelie was on a vacation with my parents, which is exactly why Wynter and I had to housesit.

Now I will discuss myself, to the best of my ability. My name is Briar, and I am 3 minutes older than my twin sister Wynter. I can be described as: particular and thorough but slow, indecisive, keen on debate, and culinarily practiced.

When I say I am particular, I refer to skincare routines, how groceries are assembled in carts and bags, etc. I feel pained and anxious to be rushed.

I do not remember how long ago I gave up the control and power time has on me. One day, I just decided to forego the stress.

This could have been the fifth or fourth year at a retail job, I am not sure.

However it may have started, presently I try to move slower to lessen stress and to feel more grounded.

I am currently about to graduate with a business management undergraduate degree. Shortly after I will enter into another program to gain an undergraduate degree in photography.

I enjoy taking time to stop and see things rather than just look at them. It feeds my soul I believe.

My sister, Wynter, despises my slow quality most of the time. As you can deduce by her previous description.

Aurelie and I get along, but we clash on the physical plain. I primarily like to just be in the presence of others, while she likes to spoon.

I forgot to mention I am a bit of a germaphobe. This definitely contributes to my lack of receptiveness to Aurelie’s tendencies towards me.

Lyric and I mesh well, but sometimes I feel like I have to prove my worth to her.

After synthesizing this information, you can infer that I should be happy to have time to myself. I was.

However, with two of my sisters in 2 separate houses tonight, and another in a different city, I confess I miss their presences.

Their: controlling, clingy, and judging presences. I realize, how lucky I am to have them, and how much I rely on them to fill my life.

While I sit here typing about them, I feel they are here with me. I am not so lonely anymore.