Are You Married To A Narcissist

Have certain things your spouse may have said or done made you think that she might not be who you thought they were? At first, their charm, confidence, and self-assurance seemed irresistible, but over time, subtle red flags started to appear. Their charming compliments have become backhanded criticisms and suddenly everything seems to revolve around them and their needs. If this sounds familiar, you may be starting to ask yourself, “ Is my spouse a narcissist?”.

What Is Narcissism?

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), aka Narcissism, is more than just someone having a big ego or being a little selfish. It’s a complex personality trait characterized by a striking lack of empathy and complete disregard for others, an extremely inflated sense of self, and an unquenchable need for admiration. Of course, everyone can be a little selfish, but narcissists take it to an entirely different level, often causing harm to the people around them. When these behaviors are consistent, pervasive, and cause serious problems in relationships or work life, they may meet the criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Diagnosing NPD

It's estimated that about 1% to 6% of the population has narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). Many of whom are undiagnosed. In order to clinically be considered a narcissist a person must show at least five out of nine specific traits outlined by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, commonly referred to as the DSM-5.

The nine criteria are:

1. Grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievement and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements);
2. Fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love;
3. Belief in being “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should be associated with, other special or high-status people (or institutions);
4. Requires excessive admiration;
5. Sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations;
6. Interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his/her own ends;
7. Lacks empathy; is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others;
8. Envious of others or believes that others are envious of him/her;
9. Arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes.

Diagnosing NPD can only be done by a mental health professional. They would typically use a combination of clinical interviews, structured assessments and psychological tests. These tools help evaluate the presence and severity of narcissistic traits and other personality characteristics.

Take a Diagnostic Questionnaire

There are also some self-report questionnaires that can give you or a professional an idea of where you or someone else lies on the spectrum of NPD. Below are three of the most common Questionnaires.

• Narcissistic Personality Inventory (NPI): This is one of the most widely used tools for measuring narcissistic traits in non-clinical settings.
• Pathological Narcissism Inventory (PNI): This test is designed to assess more dysfunctional aspects of narcissism, including grandiosity, entitlement, and vulnerability.
• Millon Clinical Multiaxial Inventory (MCMI): This personality assessment tool evaluates multiple personality disorders, including NPD. It helps to assess both overt (obvious) and covert (hidden) narcissistic tendencies.

Considering Divorcing a Narcissist?

The personality traits of a narcissist typically make the process of divorcing them an absolute nightmare if you don’t approach it carefully and strategically. If you're thinking about divorcing a narcissist you should contact a Narcissist trained divorce attorney right away.