Am I a Nincompoop?

Am I a Nincompoop? (A Sequel to So, What is a Flibberty Gibbit?) by Belinda Flack

The day after Jake and Jimmy returned from the woods, Jake excitedly told his friends, the other elves, all about how Brian showed him how to use nonsense words to help him feel better. They didn’t understand what Jake was trying to tell them because none of them knew exactly what anxiety was, most of them said that they’d never even heard of it before. Jake was thinking that perhaps they were too embarrassed to admit that they’ve ever felt that way too, that’s really what he was secretly hoping because he didn’t want to be the only one that had those uncomfortable feelings.

As Jake was explaining how using the nonsense words made him feel, one of the elves, Freddie just laughed at him and said, “well that sounds like gibberish to me and that must make ya a ‘Nincompoop!’”. The other elves instantly stopped what they were doing, looked at one another and then started pointing and laughing at Jake. In a chorus-like fashion they started singing; “Nincompoop, Nincompoop, he can poop, what a Nincompoop!” and they kept chanting this phrase over and over. Jake immediately started to get that old familiar feeling again and thought he was about to wet his pants. He stood frozen to the floor, his legs felt like cement, his face went bright red, and, in his mind, he was screaming, ‘get out of here Jake, get out of here!’ Somehow it took every ounce of his strength to turn around, as if to run, he then headed straight for the door.

When he got outside, Jake could feel his heart thumping out of his chest like, never, before. This was a very scary feeling and all at once his body began to shake, he felt like he was choking, it was too much and so he began to cry. In his mind, his thoughts were telling him; ‘you are so stupid Jake, why did you tell them that?’ ‘Maybe you are a Nincompoop after all!’. These kinds of thoughts kept going around and around and then got louder and louder in his head. Jake knew that it wasn’t helpful to have these thoughts. In that moment, he knew that he had to go home where he felt safe. So, he took a deep breath and ran and ran as fast as his little legs could carry him. He ran all the way down the end of the path, through the gate, up the lane, past the big old lamp post that was sitting on top of his favourite roly-poly hill and cut through some thick thorny bushes across farmer Nichol’s driveway and then finally into a meadow full of little pink and white daisies. When Jake got there, he was completely out of breath and his face felt very hot. He then threw himself to the ground but all the while trying so hard to remember the words that Brian the Leprechaun told him to say. He took some deep breaths and yelled out loud, ‘I feel so flibberty gibbit right now!’ and ‘This is making me feel gobbledygook!’, he took some more deep breaths, smiled to himself and sat down on the grass amongst the daisies.

Before he knew what was happening Jake could feel something slimy and wet on his nose. At first, he thought he must have been crying so much that the tears had pooled on the end of his nose but to his delight when he opened his eyes he could see that it was his dog, Wilson, liking his face. Wilson had come to look for Jake. Jake had never been happier to see him in his whole life. He cuddled him so tight that Wilson let out a little whimper and a yelp and he then tugged at his shirt as if asking him to get up. Together they ran all the way home.

As Jake was walking through the gate near his house, he could see that the sun was going down behind the last chimney and thought to himself, that he must’ve been asleep for some time and his mum will be cross with him as dinner is normally at the table before the sun hits the chimney in the living room so that they can see what they are eating. Now his mum will have to light some candles and they are on their last pack until Joe the Candle maker comes knocking next Thursday week with a fresh batch. Jake now started to worry again.

By now Jake’s heart and head were heavy and he was not looking forward to seeing the expression on his mum’s face when she sees him walk through the door. To his surprise, his mum opened the door and gave him the biggest cuddle squeeze ever. He thought he was going to pop. She said, ‘Oh me darlin’, ‘where have ya been? I’ve been so worried about ya’. ‘I sent both the dog and your dear Ol’ Pa out to fetch ya from the workshop two hours ago’. ‘Pa came back all red faced and all and said ya left there shortly after lunch and no one had laid eyes on ya since’. ‘Where have ya been lad?’ she asked again. ‘Oh Ma, Oh Ma, I... I can’t explain, I don’t know how. I don’t know… the words, the words…’. ‘Please son, go on, try to think’ his mum begged and then told him ‘Ya know, nothing bad is going to happen to ya love, ya safe at home now boy with your Ma’.

Then suddenly there was a tap, tap, tap on the floor and it got louder and louder. Jake then heard his mum say, ‘Oh Pop, everything is alright now, Jake’s home, put down your walking stick’. His mum then looked at Jake and winked and said, ‘Ya dear old Grand Pop thought you might be gone for days and he wouldn’t get to throw that line into the river with ya that he’s been talking about’. ‘Ma’ Jake said, ‘there haven’t been any fish there for years, the badgers have eaten them all’. ‘We never ever catch anything!’ Then his mum said to him ‘I know son, but that’s not what matters, what matters is, it makes ya Pop feel important and special to be able to do something with ya son’. ‘It’s all about the time ya spend together not about what you might catch’. He then laughed and said ‘well, the only thing I ever catch is his laugh’. His mum asked what he meant. Jake replied, ‘he keeps telling me the funniest stories about when he was a boy. He used to go eel fishing and slipped into the creek one day. He hit his head on some rocks, nearly swallowed the town’s supply of water, wrestled with the eels lapping at his feet and then he starts laughin’ and doesn’t stop’. I don’t know why he does it!’. ‘Perhaps it’s to cheer ya up son and make ya feel better, happy and all, ya know’ his mum said. Jake then spoke in a shaky voice, ‘but what if I see an eel and it crawls around my legs and eats me all up?’ His mum then replied ‘well ya know eels don’t really have teeth don’t ya? and besides I don’t think they’d find ya very tasty if they did, do ya? They’re much more interested in frogs and insects and those kinds of things, I’m sure’. Jake just nodded his head.

As Jake walked to his bedroom he could feel his body relax as he went through a whole list of nonsense words in his head like, tomfoolery, thingamabobby, fiddlesticks, toodlepip, poppycock, pernickety, goobledygook, fiddlefaddle, flummadiddle and macaroni. He then grabbed his favourite worn-down pencil and the back of an old exercise book and began to write out the nonsense words. As he started writing, he found that he started laughing out loud and couldn’t stop. His Mum then burst into the room and cried, ‘whatever is the matter dear?’. Jake looked up and smiled proudly and said ‘oh, nothing Ma, nothing at all!’.

The next morning Jake woke up already yawning and thinking to himself about the lovely dream he’d had about a leprechaun named Brian and all the funny things he told him. He put on his dungarees, slipped his feet into his boots and tied them up, then grabbed his favourite woolly coat and hat. It was always cold in the workshop. Santa has told the elves that they must keep themselves warm whilst they work as he has been too busy lately, working on the nice and naughty lists that he forgot to order more firewood from the lumberjack. Jake frowned and thought to himself, I think I’m in for a freezing cold day and I’m not going to bear it… As he walked to the kitchen he rubbed his hands together near the fire and said ‘Ma, it’s going to be a terrible day, I feel so cold just thinking about it, I’m not going to get through the day without freezing’. Ma replied, ‘nonsense Jake, what are you talking about? Santa keeps the fires burning’. Jake then told his mum about the lack of firewood and how the elves have started jumping and dancing around the workshop just to keep warm.

Jake’s mum then said to Jake, ‘well off ya go son or you’ll be late for work”. Jake started to feel the dread kick in and said, ‘I think I’ll stay home today, they don’t need me there’. His mum looked at Jake quite confused and asked him why he thought that. Jake didn’t know what to say but shook his head, looked down and said, ‘I’m really tired Ma and think I’ll just go back to bed’. Jake kept thinking about how nice and warm and cosy it was in his bed and how it felt safe there, no one could tease him there. His mum then tapped a finger to her lips as if she realised what was happening and said ‘Oh well, that’s fine dear, you go pop back into bed and I’ll get your brother to grab ya gear and go to work for Santa today instead’. As Jake was heading to the door of his room, he realised what she had just said and then instantly whipped his head around and replied, ‘you can’t send Patrick, he’s not old enough and besides he’s never used any tools’. His Mum responded, ‘well you know that Santa requires one member from each household over the age of 12 to work for him and he’s just had his birthday’. ‘This is the busiest time of year in the North Pole’. All at once Jake felt his knees shake. He did not want his brother to go in his place, imagine what the other elves would say, they would tease him even more when he got back. He knew he had to be brave, he knew he had to do something. ‘Okay, okay, he said, I’ll go but I can’t guarantee that I won’t be back soon’. His mum then looked at him waiting for him to explain. Instead, Jake just raised his hand and said ‘oh, don’t worry, you wouldn’t understand if I told ya’. With that he stormed through the front door and out towards the front gate where his Pa was feeding the goats their breakfast. One of the goats, Ronnie, chased after him gnawing at his dungarees.

As Jake walked to the workshop, he felt his legs go slower and slower, they were getting heavier and heavier. In his mind he was thinking about his time with Brian and tried to remember what he told him to do when he felt anxious but now he was wondering what to do when all the elves tease him again. He needed Brian again, but how could he find him?

To Jake’s dismay the first face he saw was Freddie’s. Freddie then gave a big smile and then Jake started to relax for a minute but then Freddie whistled to the other elves and yelled out in a big booming voice, ‘’Ere lads look what the cat’s dragged in!’ ‘It’s little ol’ Nincompoop ‘imself!’ ‘Decided to grace us with ya presence did ya Nincompoop?!’. The inside of Jake’s legs suddenly felt damp, ‘ohhhhh he exclaimed in a mouse-like voice..’ ‘I, I, I…’ ‘Well spit it out Nincompoop, we haven’t got all day!’ With that Jake ran to the wash house outside and grabbed a spare pare of dungarees from the hook near the front door on his way. ‘Take deep breaths, take deep breaths, you can do this!’ he kept saying to himself. ‘Oh Brian where are you?’ he cried.

Once Jake had changed, he then threw his old dungarees in the bin, took some deep breaths and walked straight back into the workshop hung up his hat and coat and grabbed his tools from the bench. He then walked to the nearest table and started carving out some wood to make his first toy car. Santa then walked up to him and patted him on the back, winked at him and said, ‘ya need a cup of courage juice, Jake?’. Jake then beamed and smiled, ‘Oh, yes, please Santa’. Jake instantly took the cup and winked back at Santa taking a big gulp. Jake felt a warm fuzzy feeling inside his chest, his legs started to relax and his breathing calmed down. After this, Jake kept smiling and was singing Christmas carols to himself. At the end of the day, he grabbed his hat and his coat and made his way home.

Jake decided that he needed to talk to his parents about what was happening for him but he didn’t know what to say, so he took a detour walking behind Father O’Leary’s church and past the long grass that was growing through the old graves and walked down to the creek. He then sat on the bank and sighed, trying to think about what to say. He picked up a handful of rocks and started throwing them into the creek. He then remembered the conversation with his mum about the eels in the river and wondered if they really don’t have teeth or if that was just something she said to make him feel better.

All of a sudden he heard a voice, it said ‘Oi, lad, over ‘ere’. To his amazement it was Brian the Leprechaun. He then beckoned Jake to come over with his hand. Jake looked around him and noticed there was no one else there and so he then edged closer to Brian. He rubbed his eyes in disbelief again and said ‘gosh, I’m very happy to see you Brian, I’ve been wanting to see you’. Brian replied ‘and why is that lad?’, knowing full well what he was about to say. ‘Well...’, Jake spoke, ‘ya know after we met and talked about the flibberty gibbit thing?’ ‘Yeah’ replied Brian. ‘Well, I went back to the workshop and I told all the other elves about meeting ya and how ya helped me with me anxiety and all and that using nonsense words helped to take the scary feelings away?’ ‘Yes, lad, go on’ said Brian. ‘Well, the others didn’t believe me and said that I must be a Nincompoop’. With big eyes he then looked up at Brian and asked, ‘am I a Nincompoop?’ Brian looked shocked and shook his head and then laughed and laughed and started doing a funny little jig again. Jake wondered what was up with Brian as this was an unusual reaction but then again, he thought, he is a Leprechaun after all and they are whimsical creatures.

THE END