Adopted and Raised by Two Moms

My story began when...well, I guess when I was born?

I was born in 2002 in China when the One Child Law was still in force. I am one of the abandoned children under that ridiculous law created to control the overpopulation. It was definitely not a success; orphanages mainly filled with baby girls since boys were preferred, because they'd be the ones to provide for the family whilst the girl, when she'll marry, she'll leave the household to provide for her husband's family.

However, I am aware that despite this favoristism, my biological parents loved me. One of my mom told me, when she made the trips to China to adopt my sister and I, Chinese people were happy for us, orphans, to be taken in by Outsiders because we'd have a better life for sure, but they were also displeased...sad because we were Chinese children taken away from their homeland. Yes, the Chinese people loved their children and it wasn't their fault that the One Child Law was applied. Don't blame the Chinese people for being heartless, blame their dictatorial governement.

That's a summary of my adoption and a glimpse of the situation in China back then. Now, the main course...

My upbringing as an adopted Chinese girl in a Quebecois household with a sister with the same background as me, raised by two Moms!

Firstly, the woman who is my mother by law is Dominique. Legally, she's my only mother. My second mother who was legally my sister's mother is Chantal. Both of them raised us for several years. To me, Chantal was more like an aunt, but more than a aunt. I didn't see her like one of my mothers, maybe because I thought we only had one mother in our life? It is only today, in 2020, that I have began to view her and call her mom.

Now...seriously, a kid doesn't see nor understand how different he is from others until it is taught that it is different. In Elementary school, I was already aware that I was different because of my origins; my school was composed of Caucasians, Latinos and Black kids. Asians? I believe we were only two in the entire school, including the staff.

I had always known that I was adopted and it never bothered me to the least, not even to grow up without a father. Even I was saying aloud and happy ''I am a Canadian with Asian origins''. I was understanding even when I was told the story behind my adoption and I didn't feel shame, resentment nor anger or abandoned; life was harsh and still is for many people living under the Chinese governement. I was lucky to be alive and to live comfortably.

Then that one question, which came from another kid at school and made me question some things about my current family: ''Is your mom lesbian?'' My answer was ''What is a lesbian?''. Awkward silence.

Today, I'm wondering how they knew what a lesbian was and how I didn't know anything about that sexuality stuff.

Then that day, I asked both of my mom separately if they were lesbian; one said no and the other said yes. I just let it go because what did it really matter? To me, they were people who raised me.

It's only in high school that I experienced a bit of discrimination for my origins. During my first year of high school, there was a bunch of guys who shared my school bus saying that I was eating dogs and cats. They kept going for quite a while, and I fought back, punching their head in the school bus or kicking them at school without any adults seeing me, but I was pretty pissed. Being Asian doesn't mean all of them eat cats or dogs, adopted or not. However, even if I was adopted and didn't feel any ties to China, I have still been intimidated and labeled with my origins' stereotypes such as eating cats and dogs, excelling in any subjects and doing martial arts. Okay, the last part was partially true; I had karate class for a short while, but I was far from an expert!

On the other hand, the belief that Asians are all proficient in martial arts may have helped me to not be bothered by people or got unwanted attention. I mean, I could have an intimidating gaze too and quiet people don't attract much attention either...

Before high school, my moms were separated and I was living with my mom and my sister. It is only few years later that I understood this sudden separation and a more detailed story about my sister's and I adoption, and my moms' relationship. During the One Child Law, babies were abandoned in public places so they'd be eventually be found and brought to the orphanage. Of course, it would be announced that a baby was found and all, but no one would come to take it back, of course. Also, all the procedures to adopt a child from China was very long and expansive, time to fill a lot of paperwork, to get visits from a social worker to evaluate if the family would be able to provide for the chil, if it would be a good environment to raise it, etc.

There was however a condition to adopt a child from China; you had to be a couple. At that time, it wasn't sure if homosexuality was really accepted because Asian country tends to be very traditional and conservative. Thus, with the help of the social worker, they made up a story where my moms were coworkers (which was true) who lived under the same roof for financial and practical reasons, and they had no time for a relationship or whatsoever. Well, it passed well and they were eligible to adopt my sister and I.

As an adoptive child, when people in my surrounding were learning that fact, they were like ''Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know!'' I didn't and still don't know why people apologise about it. To me adoption isn't taking away someone forcefully from its homeland or family, it's giving the child an opoortunity to a better life. Also, people would often ask me; ''Do you want to meet your biological parents? I think you could find them through DNA tests'' or ''Do you know your real parents?''. Questions like that were confusing me and then annoying me; what do you mean by real parents? The only parents I've ever known were my moms. And to meet my biological parents? What for? I never knew them and they'd be like strangers to me, so no. Another one: ''Do you know if your parents are dead?'' Duh. I was a baby when I was adopted.

Later, I understood that not all children given up for adoption were abandoned by their parents like in my case. In Canada, it's most likely because the parents are alcoholic or the child was living in a very toxic environment. Others are adopted through human adoption trafficking and stuff. I can understand these questions asked by my peers, but they were still annoying because people were so ignorant of adopting procedures. I can't blame them though, but it does make me wonder about our educational system and what would truly be important to learn at school, maybe not adoption specifically, but it could be part of General Knowledge classes.

As of today, I do laugh at some Asian stereotype, but when it comes to eating cats and dogs, I do not appreciate it much, because I love those animals and I would never want to harm them.

I feel good in my skin, I have never hated myself or my biological parents for abandoning me and I'm satisfied with my lifestyle, I wouldn't change it for anything.