Accepting children is more important than praising them

Several psychologists have been studying the issue of "attachment" in early childhood. Attachment" to the mother is an instinct of the child. When a baby comes into the world as an individual, the first thing it needs to do is to survive. A newborn baby can't do anything, so it needs to rely on something to survive, and the mother is the main thing, and the mother's love is the main thing. For the baby, the mother's embrace is the warmest and safest, when the mother must give this feeling to the child. The child has this feeling, there is a stable psychological foundation, will not encounter something will be afraid, on the anxiety, so the child will be easier to adapt to changes in the environment. For example, my child, in kindergarten and elementary school, adapted relatively quickly, with nothing too big hurdles, because he grew up with a sense of security, and a sense of trust in people.

This sense of security and trust is very important. If a mother is hostile to people and full of distrust, it will be transmitted to the child. For example, many people think my son is very cute and often like to take him to play. If I didn't trust people, I'd say, "Don't go, he'll take you away! Of course, I wouldn't say that all people are good and there is no danger at all. I would say to my children that there are bad people in this world, but there are very few bad people. My upbringing made us think that the world is full of good people and that you need to be good too. When I grew up and learned about the bad things, I was so miserable that I felt there was no point in living. So I think that kind of education is biased, you have to tell your child that there are a whole lot of good people, but there are so few bad people. Of course, when he is older, I will tell others from a psychological point of view is complex, there is a good side in bad people, but there is also an evil side in good people, and you do not inspire his bad side.

Love can give a child a sense of self-worth

Love allows a child to gain a sense of self-worth, which is the most basic thing that makes a child want to live in this world. Some people believe that praising a child often is what gives a child confidence. I think it is more important to accept your child than to praise him or her. Accepting a child means that I accept you no matter what he is like, not that I accept you when you can earn me a face and make me happy. A child is confident when he knows that his mother can accept a whole self.

Problems can also arise if praise is given alone and abused. My son loves to play with Lego blocks, he has a very rich imagination and builds things that his dad and I can't build, especially well. One time my son came over with a big airplane and asked his mom, "How did I do?" I said it was good, it was good. My son said, "Mom, you haven't praised me yet!" I immediately realized the problem of "praise abuse". When praise is misused, the child does not pay attention to the joy of the activity itself but looks for satisfaction in the praise of others. I realized that I was misusing praise, so I said to him, "You built this big plane so beautifully and well, are you happy with it? And in the process of playing, you wanted to do this and that for a while, and finally you finished your idea, are you happy?" My son said, "Yes!" I said, "That's a reward for you!"

Don't turn criticism into emotional abuse

Of course, you need to criticize your children, but you can't criticize them all the time. If you criticize them all the time, they will become emotionally abusive, which will bring psychological trauma to the children, and they will be easily depressed when they grow up. If parents always criticize their children, eventually the criticism will become a villain in the child's mind, even if the parents do not criticize, this villain will criticize themselves, always be dissatisfied with themselves, not accept themselves, and become particularly low self-esteem. So I think criticism should be especially careful.

I understand the criticism, first, to the matte,r not the person. Every time I criticize a child, I have totellhimthatartistss thissthingthattmakess mommyyunhappyp butmommyywillalwayslovedehimu as a person. I said do you understand? He said, "Yes. Children areenotbornnknowing alllIff a child doesn't make a mistake, he won't know the rule, and he won't do it after you tell him it's a rule. For example, once I went to pick up my child from kindergarten and the teacher said, "Your son is leading the shouting and all the children are following your son like crazy, we can't control it. I trust the kindergarten teacher, I believe she is telling the truth, but I also know the child is right. Why? Because when we went to the countryside as a family, his dad drove a fast car and we felt so excited to scream in the car. He thought he could do the same in kindergarten. Then I told the child, "You can yell at our house, you can yell in your dad's car, but you can't yell on all occasions. Do you not know this rule?" He said, "Yes!" Then heunderstands .Ifecriticize himmfors a mistake, he will feel very aggrieved.

Another thing is to find the good in your child when you criticize him. My son likes to come home every day and tell me how many little red flowers he got. The other day, he told me he had won seven red flowers, but in the evening, when I was organizing his school bag, I noticed that he was preoccupied. He suddenly stood up and said, "Mom, actually there were more criticisms than praises today!" I said, "It's okay, tell me what you were criticized for." He told me, first, listening to the radio when the teacher is not in, the class president watching us, I have a small action; second ...... third ...... and fourth, the teacher said the class is over, I chatted with classmates, we usually chat are fine, I do not know how today the teacher criticized We have. I said: "Mom did not know that you are a child who can chat, which is good, ah, that you can talk and love to express. But the time is not right. The teacher has reminded you three times and you're still talking, so it's not right." That's it, I think in criticism, good at finding the child's strengths and then telling him how he should develop those strengths.