Above, Across and Beyond

The air turbulence rocked Diana awake. She had been emotionally devastated by the events that had unfolded over the past year but more so recently. Granny had passed away in her sleep. At 92, it hadn’t been entirely unexpected but coming as it at the end of the most terrible year in Diana’s life, it had deeply impacted her. Only a month ago granny had spoken to Diana trying to give her hope and courage to move on despite her loss. Diana felt less depressed but even granny could not make everything right. The death of her baby had broken Diana’s marriage apart. Her grief had driven a wedge between Steven and her, one that kept getting bigger. Perhaps their relationship had never been strong enough in the first place. The turbulence soon settled but Diana found it difficult to go back to sleep. She still had five hours to kill on this transatlantic flight. She asked the purser for a drink of water then settled back with her blanket to read the little black book granny had left to her. There had also been an accompanying letter explaining her modest bequeathment. She had also made a request.

Diana had been commissioned to find a miniature of granny painted at age sixteen when she lived in pre-world war II Germany. It had weighed on granny’s conscience all these years she hadn’t tried to find out what had happened to the person she had given it to. Granny’s age prevented her from undertaking the journey she had explained. She had also expressed hope that the travel involved would give Diana a much-needed change. The letter had been dated two days before granny passed away. Did granny have a sixth sense death was close? As a child, Diana had always been fascinated by the stories granny had told her, stories of how granny had escaped from Germany and made her way to America. Strangers had risked their lives to save granny from the dreadful fate that awaited her in concentration camps across Europe. Some were stories of other holocaust survivors granny had met during her escape. She had eventually met Diana’s grandfather in New York and married him before moving permanently to the West Coast. They had settled down in Washington in a small fishing village called Reardon. The letter also expressed hope that the black book would inspire Diana in her search.

Although Diana had read that book at least three times already she felt the same excitement she had felt the first time when she opened it again. Diana felt a strange hope that perhaps the story inside that book might end differently if she read it again. And yet, it wouldn’t. At least one of the people in the book was no longer alive. The first page was inscribed: Just when I thought I had left it all behind, I met her whose soul I love. Beneath, were the initials – P.K. Born to rich parents, granny had lived like a princess. She had lost all her brothers to concentration camps. Her older sisters had been forced to concentration camps with their husbands. Her parents, fearing the same fate for their youngest had forced Granny to go underground. Granny must have been terrified without her family. Diana remembered the wistfulness with which Granny always talked about the parting with her parents. She had never seen her family again. The only valuables she brought with her had been her mother’s jewels. Her parents had felt those jewels might help her start a new life. She had to part with all of them to survive the war. She had never once mentioned the miniature before. In the winter of 1942, Granny had reached a village in France and had been hidden by a farmer’s family who worked for the resistance. The little black book began with her memories in that farmhouse.

A few other people had also sought shelter at the same farm. Among them, a young RAF pilot who had been shot down. He had been severely injured and unconscious for many days before Clarisse arrived. Clarisse had gained nursing skills before the war. She had accompanied her mother to care for the sick when she could. She put them to use nursing him. In doing so she could forget about her sadness for a time. She was the first person he saw on waking up. Clarisse wrote how later he told her she had seemed like an angel when he first laid eyes on her. It had made him think he had died and gone to heaven. As his wounds healed, their friendship blossomed into love. Diana thought of granny young and in love. The pilot was soon fit to join his squadron in England. He couldn’t take granny even though he wanted to. Clarisse promised to wait for him. Not knowing where they would find themselves at the end of the war, they promised to meet each other in Paris one year after it ended. As a parting gift, Clarisse had given him the miniature. Diana had never seen granny express sadness in person as in the words that described her last day with Phillip.

As the war raged granny had to move from safe house to safe house. Towards the end of the war granny along with a few others had fallen into the hands of Nazi soldiers. The underground resistance had rescued them but not before granny had faced unspeakable atrocities. She was smuggled out of France to the United States in late 1944. To her mortification, she found out she was pregnant. The hardships faced during her captivity, malnutrition, and fear of being attacked as they traveled by sea, all combined to cause her to miscarry. Diana felt a sisterhood at that loss. Clarisse had come to care for the babe regardless of how it had come into existence. Grieving alone in a strange new country, she had barely enough to feed herself let alone travel to Paris. However, even if she had been able to, she wrote, she couldn't bring herself to. The shame of having been violated by another man, made her feel unworthy of her first love. Granny’s last entry in the diary was on the day before her marriage She had written down a prayer for Phillip’s wellbeing and had asked his forgiveness for no longer being worthy of him.

Diana realized, the marriage had begun as a need for security but had grown into love. Diana’s heart reached out to her grandmother. It hadn’t been Clarisse’s fault. As granny explained in her letter - she would have tried to meet Phillip had her younger self, known better. Life had been kind to her, but one must take risks, the risk of being vulnerable, in love and imperfect. Granny did not want Diana to blame herself as she had. Diana heard the pilot announce they would land soon at Heathrow. After she settled herself into a bed and breakfast, Diana made her way to the WWII archives office to find out Phillip’s current whereabouts. She was happily surprised to find a note in his file that gave an address and number in Kent. It was signed by James Knight. No one answered the telephone, so she set off to find it. She arrived late in the evening at what could only be described as a magnificent estate. As she waited in the foyer for the butler to fetch his master, she wondered how she would explain her visit. She looked up to see an attractive man in his mid-30s approach her with a quizzical look. As soon as the words Clarisse Bader escaped her lips his face lit up with a smile. Diana was surprised by a warm hug from this man she had not known existed 24 hours before.

Phillip Knight had been his granduncle. He had recently asked James to look for Clarisse. Unfortunately, even 21st-century technology did not lead to a successful outcome. Disappointed, James had left his contact details in case Clarisse came looking for Phillip. He hadn't expected she would. He couldn’t believe someone related to Clarisse was standing in front of him. Diana excitedly asked to meet Phillip only to be told he had passed away two weeks ago. James was equally saddened to find Clarisse had passed away. I was so close granny, Diana thought. James next asked if she knew about a little black book. As she handed the book to him, she found out it had belonged to Phillip – a gift to Clarisse before he left. Diana asked if she could visit Phillip’s grave. James was happy to let her visit except it was too late that night. As she turned to leave, James invited her to be his guest. Although she did not want to impose, Diana eventually accepted. She sensed James genuinely wanted to do something for Clarisse. They exchanged stories about their grandparents over dinner. Phillip had searched for Clarisse when she did not meet him in France. When he couldn’t find anyone by that name he came to believe she must have died during the war. He had never married. He had been the closest James’s had to a grandfather, his own having died during the war. James had never heard of or seen the miniature, unfortunately. Diana told him the reason granny had changed her name after coming to America. She had been ashamed of what had happened to her and did not want to be found by anyone she had known before. Silence descended as both Diana and James contemplated the chances, they had not taken.

The next morning James accompanied Diana to Phillip’s grave. There on his tombstone was a replica of Granny’s miniature. Inscribed beneath, “Together in death if not in life” Phillip must have left instructions with his solicitor, Mr. McFarland thought James. He was as surprised by it as Diana. She asked him if it would be possible to see the original? James called Mr. McFarland and was told it could only be handed over to a descendant of Clarisse Bader. Diana smiled proudly as she held granny’s miniature. Granny smiled back at her across time. At that moment Diana decided the miniature should go to the holocaust museum in Poland. James suggested she should have the solicitor help her. The next day Mr. McFarland called Diana to tell her, the miniature was worth 2 million dollars. The artist’s work, although obscure at the time he painted the miniature had become famous posthumously. He had died in a concentration camp. She would get ten percent of the value as finder’s fee. Diana felt it only right to refuse the 20000$. The real treasure she realized had been granny sharing the most beautiful and yet painful story of her life so that Diana might rise beyond the guilt and pain. Granny had guarded her love for over seventy years. Tears trickled down Diana’s cheeks as she allowed herself to feel love, granny's, and her own for the lost babe. It had been a girl. James moved forward to hold Diana in his arms. Phillip’s life took on a new meaning. Would not he, James not do the same for such love, a love that defied death?