There is something so wrong about a mother having to bury her child. No words can express, and no pain is greater. Nothing anyone can say or do will ever make it ok again.
Hey son, you know everybody has to pay the piper sometime. you had a hell of a run but the Devil's gonna make you pay back every dime. And I see you ...runnin around like you got nothin to lose. and I wanted to see if I could take your place in that line.
And Im sorry for the way this life has treated you so badly. Im sorry for the things I didnt do. And all the time I waisted, I would give it to you gladly, but that's something only God knows how to do
And if you scream too loud nobody hears a sound. And if you get too high your feet wont touch the ground. In a crowded room nobody is around. And in a tiny drop of water, you can drown. ..
Hey Son, you know everybody's gonna have to pay the piper some time. But the damage is done, so the Devil's gonna make you pay back every dime..And I see you , running around like youve got nothin to lose, And I tried to ...sell my soul to the Devil but he refused.
And if you scream too loud nobody hears a sound. And when you want to run so far where you cant be found, but the voice inside your head it will let you down And if you get too high your feet wont touch the ground. . And in a tiny drop of water, you can drown. ..
Hey Son...you know that everybodys gonna have to pay the piper...sometime...
My son, Anthony Joel Drew, died October 6, 2020. He was about to turn 32. Although the actual cause of death was listed as complications of Leukemia, he had a long-term love affair with opiates and fentanyl was his latest poison. I, myself think the hospital screwed up but there is no proof of that, so maybe I just want someone else to blame. He started out with prescription pain killers and then to Herion and then fentanyl. He tried to get off the drugs, but it had such a strong hold on him that nothing was working. Before his diagnosis, he found out about a new treatment for opiate addiction and decided to try it. This was huge. I know what a difficult and major decision this was for him, and everyone in the family was feeling hopeful for the first time in years. But nature can be cruel. Call it ironic, bad luck or Murphy's law but during the screening for the addiction procedure, he had a routine blood test and was diagnosed with CML (Chronic Myloid Lukemia.) What a blow this was. He asked me if God was playing some cruel joke on him. It was heartbreaking to say the least. Bac:kdate several months.
THE BEGINNING OF THE END:
Most people don't realize the difficulties that arise once you have been convicted of a felony. It makes getting a good job next to impossible. He was so discouraged that he almost stopped trying. Then, he finally landed a job at a popular delivery service company. It was as if this was the best thing that had ever happened to him. He woke up early every day for work and felt like he had a future for the first time in years. It was because of this new job that he made to decision to change his life and get off the drugs. He was going to be assigned his own truck and route the next day. The last day of training, the truck he was driving was pulled over by the Company managers. He was asked to exit the vehicle and go turn in his uniform and was fired. Apparently, they had just received his background check which showed that he had done time in prison. This was devastating to him. He felt embarrassed and defeated. Not to mention a horrible way the Company went about it. He became reckless and ended up catching a new felony case. This time for possession of fentanyl. So, now he not only had to deal with the fact that he had lost his job, had a terminal illness, and now was going to be going back to prison. It was at this point he just stopped fighting. I tried to talk to him. Everyone tried to talk to him. My mom kept finding new specialists and new medicines for him. They said he could manage the leukemia if he would do the chemo but it didnt matter anymore. He just gave up. He refused to take the medicine they gave him and the doctors were prescribing the exact drug that stopped him from doing the chemo in the first place.
ABOUT MY SON.
He was incredibly smart and incredibly handsome. He had a contagious laugh and a kind of sick sense of humor. He loved animals. I remember him showing up one Christmas with a baby kitten that had lost its mom and he was feeding it with an eye dropper. He could have done anything he wanted with his life, had the drugs not consumed him. We fought like crazy, We were always trying to one up each other. We used to race in the street in front of the house and I would always win, He would get so mad. I ran track in school, so I was pretty fast but I knew this would only be temporary. I knew that any time he would beat me. After all he was a growing boy getting stronger by the day and I was, well, getting older. When he was 14, he finally won for the first time. I would not race him again. There was no point. I knew from that day on, he would always be able to run faster than me. I was glad I enjoyed that time we spent together.
THE END: October 6, 2020
It was 27 days before his 32nd birthday when he died. It was the day after his little sisters birthday. Instead of celebrating, she spent her 28th birthday in the hospital, The doctors said he was in a coma, so we all thought he would just wake up after awhile. But he never woke up, His girlfriend was there with him, so I went home to get some sleep. I woke up about 4 a.m. because a light was flickering and I knew he was gone. My only son, my first born, died that night. If there are words to describe how I feel, I dont know them. I am not really sure why I am writing this, because as you can probably imagine, I am an absolute wreck right now. Its a good thing Im using my laptop and not writing on paper because it would be soaked. Maybe I just needed to. I write alot of songs. I had just finished the one at the top right before he died. He loved my writing but told me someone else should sing them. What a brat!
I miss you son. I wish you were here to fight with me. Our time here on earth is short. Love your family and friends with everything you got because toy never know when one of them will be gone.
Its all about you. .Its all about me
Its all about my son what he's done, be like anyone, just dont be like me
I wish it wasnt true ...I wish I could be free. . I wish I knew then what I dont want to know now theres things I dont want you to see.
No matter what you do.. remember nothing is for free. . everything you do in this life is part of who your gonna be.. And theres nothing you can do about it , oh no theres nothing you can do. No , no, no.
About the Creator
2022
Making changes is never easy, especially if it involves starting something that is good or you, but you would rather not do, or stopping something that you love to do because it's not good for you. It seems that most people's New Year's resolutions fall into that category. During the last two years, we have all felt the impact of Covid and I don't think that anyone came out unscathed. Life changed for everyone, everywhere. The 9 to 5 became 24/7 and there was no such thing as the weekend. I have seen some places that almost turned to ghost towns. Businesses shutting down, when scaling down wasn't making enough to pay the bills. I have also seen a select few industries thrive amidst the chaos and make more money than ever before, because of Covid. No doubt things are different and with the world changing, we need to make some adjustments of our own if we want to survive. This year, I am looking at life in a new way. I have decided to take the bull by the horns and fight for the life I want. So, I didn't follow my original plan, ok then, it's time for me to figure out a new one. I always thought that I would have more time to follow my dreams, but I put it off and I blew it. I didn't even realize that until a few years ago. Here's the thing; I'm ok with that now. And that is the difference that will make all the difference. I must come to terms with my failures so that I can have a better understanding of what it takes to succeed. For me, that is step number one. With that out of my way and out of my head, I can then begin to rebuild. Stay focused and stay healthy. A sound body and sound mind is a must. And this may sound cliche, but the truth is, that diet, exercise and plenty of sleep are the key to well-being. So, if I want to find sucess, I must keep a clear head. In order to keep a clear head, I must get enough sleep. In order to get enough sleep, my body needs to be tired enough to sleep. If I'm too wound up, I won't be able to fall asleep. It is sometimes difficult to stick to a workout routine, and in order to stay motivated to workout, my gift to myself for having to exercise, is that I get to eat whatever I want and not feel guilty. No more denying myself the things that I enjoy in life, and food is big on that list. I can make a few simple changes so that I will be able to wake up in the morning with renewed strength and insight. Maybe one day I will again be able to go after the dreams that I had so long ago. I know that they won't be exactly the same, but that doesn't mean I have to give them up. It's hard sometimes to do things for youself , when all your attention and energy has always been given to our family and friends. This year, I hope we all take time to remember to love ourselves and know that life can be amazing at any age, if we allow ourselves to keep growing and learning and loving. I must remember to be grateful to wake up every morning. With that said, good luck to everyone and I hope this new year finds us all better than before....
By GINA DREW4 years ago in Motivation
Wise~Guys
— Look Behind what's in Front of You ~ Make Good Choices — Hey, So how you Doin'..! Made~Men — Mobster Movies romanticise a distinctive, elegant appearance, impeccable attire style, along with the 'Families' expressive lingo. Making their 'Bones' gave them Panache — with vintage fedoras, tailored pin-striped suits, mirror-polished wing-tip shoes adorned with tassels; with their 'Gun Moll' gorgeous dates on their arms.
By Jay Kantor28 days ago in Families
Dementia Red Flags That Matter and What to Do When You Notice Them
The last moment that is often the most crucial one is that one notices that something is wrong and makes a decision. Dementia does not present itself in a loud voice. It creeps in under the carpet pretending to be stress or getting old or even bad week. By the time most families seek assistance, the symptoms have been years old. The beginning at the end approach implies that the sooner the action is taken the more chances there are to save the independence, to make the lives better and to afford the families time to make their plans without panic and hesitation.
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Comments (1)
Dear Gina, I read your entry about Anthony's passing, about a week ago. Sorry, it took me this long to think of what I should say to you. First & foremost, my heartfelt condolences to you & your family. As I came upon your writing about Anthony's passing it literally took my breath away in shock. He really couldn't have passed away at such a young age! It took me back 27 years to when I worked at Fletcher School Age Care with Ms. Dawn. I knew him as AJ & he knew me as Mr. Aaron - the guy who would often play the Keyboard / Music for the kids. That's something we had in common, an affinity for music. There are still songs that he introduced me to, that make me think of him. He was an astonishing breakdancer & could parkour up/off a brick wall, which I know I could never hope to attempt. I remember his quick wit & wicked sense of humor. He was bold. It's hard to read about Anthony's struggles. Nobody's perfect but unfortunately some feel the need to judge. Which they absolutely don't have the right to do. That includes judging ourselves, which we also shouldn't do. My faith is the only thing that keeps me going with all the F'ed-up things of this world & the loses I, myself, have endured. I'm looking forward to that moment the Lord reunites us all, those that we miss. When we all Divinely perfected. I will continue to pray for you & your family. Sincerely, Aaron PS: FUCK CANCER!"