About my mother.

I’ve never looked at scientific evidence or given substantial time to study behavioral patterns.

However, there is something defining that happens with moms and daughters, once the daughter gets around 11-21. Big gap I know but some people have this period before others and vise versa.

Majority of my life my mom was busy. Not to say sometimes her reasons weren’t valid but it bothered me emotionally. Physically it forced me to figure out the world in my own way, time and terms. For any kid that's dangerous but, no offense, especially for a girl.

There are so many memories and even horror stories where I could have easily not been the person I am today. When I think back though, there's this one moment that really forced me and my mom to start talking. Yes, it’s so cringe worthy because she could have reacted so many ways. I’m sitting here crying of laughter. I’m also happy it happened.

Every now and then, I think back to this and realize she may still be in need of it.

I was a sophomore in high school, 15 years old. This was the first time I had a friend over. My mom’s always been aggressive about the house’s appearance and cleanliness. I cleaned my room to the “T” for this friend to come over. I also cleaned a few other things in the house. Of course, my friend gets there and my mom begins complaining about how something isn’t as clean as she likes it. She literally waited until my friend got there. I was so irritated and disappointed I asked my friend to wait outside. I cleaned for about 45 minutes then told her I was going out.

It was already agreed my friend could stay until midnight and we would drop her off. Somehow she forgot this because when we came back in the house at 9pm, my mom had this puzzled look on her face.

As I was about to walk up stairs my goes, “excuse me”, usually she did this to lay law and prove a point. In response I was usually nervous, scared, and discouraged. Instead, this time I was angry and unafraid. I said, “what now?”. She made her eyes all bugged out, I still gave no response. She said, “nothing, we’ll talk later”.

We go upstairs at this point. I really just want my friend to leave. So I give it about 30 minutes, I go down and say, “can we take her home now, she’s ready”.

All hell breaks loose. I get this whole speech about how I don’t have etiquette when I have company and that’s why she never wanted anyone over. I mean this situation spirals.

Now I’m not going to act like I’m perfect. I’ve done some dumb things but this day/night she was literally searching for anything to be upset.

Now that I’m older I know why she did these things but I’m not about to tell my moms business on here.

Anyway, we take my friend home. The car ride back home is silent. Honestly, I was happy. I had made it up in my mind I wouldn’t speak to her for a week. I’d tiptoe around the house and always come in at 9pm so I wouldn’t have to be there in the day. It was clear aside from whatever my faults were, this was more.

My friends texts me and the text reads, hey I still had a good time. Sorry your mom is so harsh. When we graduate we can definitely move in together because your room was super clean to me.

I text back, I have no idea what her problem is. Sometimes it's healthy and other times it's ridiculously ridiculous lol. First time and I hope the last time but she was a total Bitch. I think she needs to get laid!!! Please don’t tell anyone black kids say this about their parents lol.

I also added what was a crying texting symbol back then.

Somehow, someway, this message went to my moms phone.

She left her phone at home.

I have to figure out some way to get to that phone before she does without looking suspicious. Of which she is always suspicious of people and things.

Too late. She read it as soon as we got home.

Here I am sitting on the steps looking through the railing at her tearing up at her phone.

Here I am, supposed to be the hurt one and she is flipping the script.

Here I am, honestly, embarrassed and ashamed.

She breaks her hard exterior and explains how she’s been exhausted. She tells me all these adult things that I don’t have to yet worry about and tops it off with how much she loves me and my sister. I literally wanted to yell at her because this was my moment. She didn’t ask about my emotions or feelings or thoughts. She just vented.

I remember that day forced me to grow up more. I always would text my little sister twice while she was at school. On my way walking back from school I'd call and see if she needed me to pick anything up. I wasn’t super clean in my room but I immediately would clean up after myself in the kitchen instead of letting 3 days go by. I started doing my own laundry.

To this day I wish we communicated more on an emotional level because there are times where I can see some healing is necessary but ultimately I trust my mom more than FEMA.

I used the image from Beauty and the Beast because whenever we’d watch the movie, she loved that song. Seeing her sing it makes me think of this moment I called my mom the B word and said she needed to get laid.

Oh and, at that time, I had no idea what it really meant to get laaaaaaaid.