A Tale of Two Sisters

Hi, my name is Destinee and this is my sister Destiny.

Yes, you read that right. My name is Destinee and my little sister's name is also Destiny. Yes, she is my biological, paternal half sister. Yes, our shared parent was around when we both were born.

This is our story.

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When I was three years old I became a big sister to a sweet baby brother. I was ecstatic. I had wanted to be a sister since I knew what a sister was.

When I was five years old I was sent to live with my maternal aunt and her husband. That is where I found out that the man I had thought my was my father was not. At five years old my aunt, in a bout of cruelty, told me that my dad was not my dad. She told me that my real dad had walked out on me and my mom when I was born. She told me that I was a high school “oops baby” that no one wanted.

Can you imagine the confusion, the pain? The sudden, undeniable feeling of abandonment was almost too much for my innocent heart too tolerate, let alone understand. I felt like I was only half a person.

This gaping chasm opened inside me.

It changed me on an anatomic level.

It also lit a fire in me.

I had to know. I had find him. I had to meet him.

Did he have other kids?

What was he like?

Did I have his eyes or his smile?

I started going to my schools guidance counselor. When I realized she couldn’t help me I started using computer time at school to search for my birth certificate, family tracking websites, anything. Anything that I thought could help me find the other half of me.

I had no luck.

I gave up.

At ten I also gave up on ever seeing my brother again and I was adopted by my aunt and uncle. Five years later my life was sent for yet another tailspin when my second dad gained his wings eight days before my fifteenth birthday.

A year later with my “mom” drowning her grief with alcoholism and random bar hook ups, I left. I reconnected with my biological mother and brother.

I was a big sister again.

I also was given my father’s name. More than that I was shown photos of him holding me in the hospital, him riding in his red pick up me getting my haircut by his sister. I was finally given the ability to find the part of me that I thought could make me whole.

Being of the social media generation I looked him up on Facebook.

I not only found him, I found my three younger sisters. One (the oldest) was adopted. The oldest of my biological sisters was named Destiny.

I will be honest, the more I learned about my father the angrier I became.

He gave me away.

He wanted nothing to do with me to the point that his mother called my grandmother (while I was still baking). She insulted my mother, shamed her, and told my grandmother that my mom wouldn’t ruin her son’s life.

But…

He became a foster parent.

He adopted a brown haired girl who was born the same month (different year) as me.

He had two more biological children.

But he gave me away and I wanted to know why.

So I visited.

During that visit he swore he knew nothing about me. I met his mother who also swore she knew nothing. She even said that if she knew about me that she would have done everything in her power to make me a part of the family.

I knew they were lying but I kept it to myself. Why destroy my new family by calling them out on their bull $#!+?

However during the visits I noticed something… odd.

My sister with my name was always with her mother. She never got to spend the entire weekend with me. We were always separate.

Later I found out why.

When our father married his first wife, my sisters mom, he told her specifically he did NOT want children. He then told her that if he ever had a child that child would be a girl and her name would be…

Drum roll please…

Destiny.

His reason… because he was just “destined to have a kid” 🙄 Cue dramatic eye roll, and by dramatic I mean Tony Stark eye roll gif.

Low and be hold Mr. I don’t want kids got wife #1 pregnant. That baby was a girl and despite me being born a few years earlier he named her destiny. Why? Well best I can guess is that he didn’t want to admit he already had a Destiny and couldn’t come up with a better excuse.

It was after his first wife left him and he married his second wife (who was his mistress during marriage #1) that he became the father of the year. He became a foster parent, adopted my oldest little sister and had a third biological daughter.

Another thing I noticed during my few visits…

My sister was a slave.

She had to make breakfast, not her own but for everyone. Not once in a while everyday! And I’m talking about a full breakfast. Bacon, eggs, pancakes kind of everything.

She did not only her own laundry but all the laundry.

She cleaned the house top and bottom. She was forced to wear makeup because according to our stepmother she wasn’t pretty without it. She wasn’t allowed to dye or straighten her hair. She couldn’t cut it how she wanted it. She couldn’t wear the clothes she wanted. No TV. No music. No phone.

She had a Facebook but she didn’t know the password and “mommy dearest” would log on to it and message people pretending to be her.

She was forced to date a boy that mommy dearest wanted her to date even though the relationship made her miserable.

And if I talked about the physical abuse you’d be reading this for a year…

Because they were foster parents and “buddy buddy” with Chilton Co Child Protective Services she got away with it. Daddy dearest was a rail road worker so he was never home so Gigi (as she liked to be called) was free to continue the torture. Despite photo evidence being presented CPS never even investigated.

She also wasn’t allowed to speak to me. No calls. No texts. No Facebook message.

After years of the step mother treating Destiny like a slave she left and he made everyone believe he was the victim. She was the one that was in the wrong for leaving.

After she left, we connected. That’s when we were able to compare stories. We realized that everything he did was to make up for what he had done. His way to atone for abandoning his first child. She also became my best friend.

It’s been ten years since I met him. I can count on my fingers how many times I’ve seen him. As I’ve grown, mentally and emotionally I’ve come to realize that I’m actually thankful for his abandonment.

Had he not abandoned me he would have never married my sister's mom. Destiny would have never been born. I wouldn’t have my best friend or a found family.

Through some of my most difficult moments in my adult life my sister and her mom (my found mom and my kids Yaya) have always been there. Her husband has been more of a father to me than my biological father had ever been and is the best “Papi” a mom could ask for, for her kiddos. Because of my found parents I had four new siblings to love and love me.

I have the Hallmark family I dreamed of all because of a dad that chose not to be a dad. The empty hole did get filled in the end but not by a biological father that walked away. It was filled by the family he inadvertently created by walking away, twice.

He didn’t walk me down the isle. He wont get to watch his grandchildren grow up and the sad part… its his choice.

Looking back I remember what my guidance counselor told me

"You may not find him and if you do you may regret it. He may not be who you hope he is".

Well, I found him. He’s not who I hoped for but I do not regret a thing.