A sister’s grit

Can you imagine having two kids AND getting your doctorates at the same time? Well, my sister *Mary did. Yes, there are people who can have children and work on their doctorate at the same time, but it is not an easy task. While Mary made it happen, her journey and struggles not only were difficult but showed me the true definition of what it means to have grit.

You see, Mary left home at 18 and went to community college. I was three at the time. Our mother dropped out of college to take care of her. Years later, she went to the same community college as our mother. She balanced working and community college as well as making sure that she paid for her own schooling as well as rent. She was truly an independent woman. She struggled paying rent as well as eating but she never gave up. It was difficult but she was able to graduate community college and move towards going to a university to obtain her undergraduate degree.

At first, Mary wasn’t sure if going to a university was for her but she persisted and began her major in Psychology. We were all happy and supportive of her because she was the second person in our family to go to college. Again, she dealt with the same struggles with paying rent and working at jobs that were draining and/or challenging. Be it in mental institutions or shelters while going to school.

Within 3 years, she got her Bachelors in Psychology. I remember thinking, “I don’t know if I can do what *Mary did”. Our mother was ecstatic and everyone was there for her. When we greeted her, the first thing she said after thank you was “Can you imagine getting a masters? That seems impossible!” Well, within a couple weeks, she got accepted to another university for her Masters. No one in our entire family has ever gotten a graduate degree.

Right after getting her B.A., *Mary got married. She waited until she was able to finish school before focusing on getting married.

Now, when Mary went to graduate school, I felt as if I was along on her journey. Whether it was going to late night classes, her eccentric teachers and classmates, or hearing about her papers. Whenever we would talk to her, she always seemed stressed and exhausted from balancing both work and graduate school. I remember one time, she worked on her dissertation and she was so tired, she accidentally erased multiple pages of her work! Oh it was awful! She had to get that done in two weeks. I remember her writing so many pages, checking to make sure punctuation and wording was correct and even having us read to see if everything was okay. She turned in her work in the Nick of time and they approved her dissertation.

Within 4 years, my sister answered her question of “how can anyone get a graduate degree?” With the answer: “I did!”. It was an amazing ceremony. She was the first in our family to get a Masters and it made all of the aunts and uncles influence their children to go to college. However, one thing about Mary*, she is a go getter. At her graduation, she became inspired by the Doctorate degree and...she got accepted to another school for her Doctorate. She began in the fall.

While she was in the process of starting her Doctorate degree, her and her husband moved into the suburbs and a year later, she was expecting and gave birth to a boy. During her whole pregnancy, she was still adamant on continuing working on her Doctorate. I remember her talking about the Milestones that she accomplished in her doctorate, at the same time changing my nephew and talking about his milestones. She also mentioned how frustrated she was with the deadlines and how it was almost impossible to get to those deadlines and correctly. However, she was successful and persisted. 3 1/2 years later, she was pregnant again and taking care of a three year old. It was hard, especially since she was still working on her Dissertation now.

Even though the university gave her time to adjust to her pregnancy, she was focused on making sure her dissertation topic can be approved. She had to word her dissertation so many times that it was not even funny. After the birth of my niece she was able to relax a bit, but still keep an eye on the prize. She started working at a therapist office and working on her dissertation. She finally got approved of her topic. However, she faced A lot of challenges:

-no one has ever researched her topic so it was almost impossible to find resources

-one out of all of the board members was almost always rejecting her dissertation for menial things (missing quotation, a word spelled wrong, etc.)

- someone who was supposed to edit almost stole her work

- dealing with two kids under four

I was a witness to all of this and I just couldn’t imagine what she was through.During this time, she encouraged me to getting a masters degree. She mentioned how beneficial it would be. Within two years, I got my Masters. Thanks to her. There were times when Mary* was literally going to drop out because she had too much pressure on her work. It was too much. Then finally...all three members approved of her dissertation. She graduated and now she got her doctorate. Mary thought that they were lying, but it was the real deal. Her Certificate said Doctorate.

After all of her struggles, trials and journeys. Mary did the unthinkable. She was finally a Doctor.

The reason why I wrote about Mary is because she does the unimaginable and keeps going; despite the obstacles. I have witnessed her journey and I have seen what she had to go through. She has I almost just me but everyone she has spoken to. Many go to her for advice and many have literally said she has helped changed their life for the better. She doesn’t know that I am writing this and probably will never know, but I just want to tell you a little about Mary and the grit she has to accomplish any goal. From her #1 fan, her sister.