A New Me

Where do I even start?!?! Before I get into the bright future of 2021, please allow me to recap MY experience of the last year.

Let's face it, 2020 was a bust and very difficult for the majority of people. The beginning of the year started off great! Resolutions of no more drinking, more exercise, eating better and all around making myself a better Stay at home Dad and Husband were right on track. Then a few weeks in (23 days to be exact) I found out that my wife of 12 years was having an affair with her boss (how cliche right). It was devastating. Giving up my career to be a stay at home parent was a big decision that ended terribly.

Now I'll be honest, the years prior to 2020, I slowly lost my confidence and self worth, which put strain and pressure on my marriage. But with the new year ahead of us, I was confident I could turn myself around and get back to being me and save our marriage.

A few months later, the papers were signed and I moved out of our home and into an apartment complex, just in time for the world to shut down. Thanks Covid. Now, I'm alone with nowhere to go, no one to see, no partner to love and laugh with, and only able to see my 2 daughters a few days a week....

Let's just say I started to loose myself again.

With my new level of sadness and heartbreak, my trusty old friend arrived back by my side and in my hand.....

. BEER.

Beer and myself have had a long standing relationship with many of ups and downs. 2020 was definitely a "down time" in our relationship. Instead of facing my emotions and dealing with them head on, I hid from them like a child who hides from the boogey monster.

As the tears ran down my face, the beer flowed past my lips, and my mind spinning spinning in all directions, my poor liver and body took on the worst of it. With my body slowly becoming weaker and my mind even more so, I traveled further and further from inner peace, and fell deeper and deeper into anger and vengeance. The holidays and "would have been" anniversaries were the worst of times.

Luckily, I had my 2 amazing daughters who always made me smile, laugh and gave me purpose with unconditional love. However, they weren't always there to keep me in check.

I know my old friend was changing me from the inside out. It was a dark, dark time full of terrible thoughts.

It is now time to change, get may act together and get back to being the confident, loving, funny, kind, patience man I once was.

It was songs like this that helped me find the light through the murky clouds of sadness.

Now that I have accepted those "3 Things", 2021 is my year for change, growth and forgiveness. My old friend is in the distance and I've made a new friend..... Her name is water. Who knew water can heal you from the inside and make you feel better than beer ever could?!?!?!

So the main goal of this year in to find my inner peace, forgive, Love, and be the best Father I can be for my two special little ladies. I also strive to always "Look for the good."

It's difficult to let go of who you were and can be scary to change and grow into someone you don't fully know. Instead of running from the fear of change.... I now embrace it fully.

With clear eyes and full heart.... I can't loose!!!

Special Thanks to all of my friends and family who never gave up on me and always believed in me. Especially you Maddison and Morgan. Your constant love, laughter, craziness, creativity and kindness truly helped pull me through the worst year of my life, and the chaos of emotions in 2020. I love you so very much and can't wait to see what new and amazing adventures we are going experience together.

And thank YOU for reading. Stay safe.