A Narrative of My Journey

Start writing...I fell in love with Indianapolis the first day I arrived here. It was full of promises and guarantees. This picture is Mass AVE., Massachusett Avenue to be more exact. TYRONE SHABAZZ GUYTON

A NARRATIVE Of MY JOURNEY

I remember the moment I saw my firstborn come into the world. I

felt that I had advanced to a higher level in my MANHOOD. A

boy I can teach what I learned from my Grandfather, and various

male figures throughout my life, including my biological father,

despite his tardiness. Born to me on the 21st day of January

1997, I did not see this miraculous phenomenon reoccurring

again 10 months later in November, the 24th to be exact, from the

same woman, my baby, a beautiful girl was born. Doubling my

advancement to a higher level in my MANHOOD. For the past 17

years, I have jumped through hoops, transgressed, and

redeemed my image, self-dignity, respect, and self-esteem.

Because it all comes with the advancement to a higher level of my

MANHOOD. I now have, not one, but, two majestic progenies, of

both sexes. Now, it takes a village to raise a child, so, I did not

do it alone.

Here is how I got to this point in my life since the

ADVANCEMENT TO A HIGHER LEVEL OF MY MANHOOD. I

had gotten a little beside myself, and haughty with my faith, and

sense of self. I drank a lot and was doing drugs, trying to be a

family man, and the sole provider when I couldn't even keep a

job. My relationship with their mother got worse and worse. She

was doing her thing, and I was doing mine. She couldn't stand

the fact that I love the children more than I loved her. Plus, I was

hiding a secret from not just her, but, everybody. My addiction,

hidden sexuality, and promiscuous, perverted desires. We fought

and had our share of DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. Dragging the

children between our fights, I would take them for 3 to 6 months,

and she would take them for just about the same amount of time.

(I feel it was shorter) We got married for four months until she

decided she did not want me anymore. So, she divorced me,

after having me locked up. She went from men to men, while I

also went from men to men, all along the children were used as

pawns as we got caught up in our vindictiveness to hurt one

another. Then she started letting the other men she was with

abuse her, which affected my children.

Family members, on both sides, that love both of us and course

the children, would tell me how the children were getting treated,

and how they were in robberies, and police raids. Then when the

children finally came out and told me, I kept them with me, and so

ensued a short battle of custody. She shortly gave up after

seeing that I am not like any other man, except the father. Maybe

she felt it was best? But, she gave them to me, and I took over

until my demons got me caught up in SATAN'S systematic

MEASLTROM of VENALITY. I was diagnosed with HIV and got

suicidal with my alcohol and drug use. Eventually, I came out of

the closet and found out who was really in my corner, and who

was the one stabbing me in the back, twisting the knife. I

perceive the CONSTITUENTS that PRETENDED,

CHARLATANS!

I started to let what they feel about me, get the best of me.

Self-loathing, I did dichotomizing things and armed the

CHARLATANS with the proof they needed to forge a weapon

against me. I felt like I was too deep into this negative lifestyle. I

told myself this is it, go out with a bang. I hung out with people

that did not care about me or my children. They went to stay with

my sister. I thought she was on my side, but, hates gay men.

Since the death of our mother, and I, coming out of the closet, she

became THE BAIN OF MY EXISTENCE.

It has been a little over a year since I made one of the toughest

decisions in my life, but, it had to be done. I decided to leave my

children with my sister, giving her the power of attorney. Moved

down here to Indianapolis, where my life is much better, I am enjoying

my sobriety, and in school, I just love my studio apartment and the

location.

Once I get a little more situated, and a stable job that will not collide

with my HIGHER LEARNING, I will be ready for my children to join me

unless they are planning on staying in Colorado. They are grown

enough now. I just do not know how long I can take without being

around them for so long. Since their birth, I have never been away

from them this long.

Maybe, I will have them come down on one of their breaks from

school, and if they like it, they can come to join me, or make this a

nice place to visit. I plan on buying a house down here and leaving it

to them, so they will never be homeless.