A Mother's Love

I remember as a child my mother was always writing away in one of those little notebooks, peering up every few minutes to ensure my limbs were free of bruises. She was comfortable anywhere; a park seat while I tossed my body across all the metal and wooden edges; home on the chair, watching out the kitchen window as I run in circles with our dog Mouse. Mother always told me I had two left feet and that I could sure use a helmet and bubble wrap, especially when playing outside. It was never surprising when I came through the door with scratches and scrapes and she always made sure there were band aids and Polysporin on hand.

Mouse liked to play hide and go seek with me. It was almost as though she understood the game completely. She would stand beside Mum in the kitchen and wait as I ran around the house looking for my destined spot. After a few moments you would hear the light clicking of her nails across the floorboards, slowly coming closer and closer towards where I was tucked away in the closet or under my bed.

As I thought back to those memories, I was full of warmth remembering both my mother and how young and playful Mouse used to be. Now she was curled up and napping underneath the warmth radiating from the flickering fire. Sometimes, it was hard for me to remember my mother, but she taught me throughout life that it is easier to deal with things when you lay them out upon a page. I had many teardrop stains throughout my notebook. I loved writing about all the good times we had and how it was so hard to say goodbye. At least at this point I still had my old little Mouse.

It was a bright sunny morning; I was not sure what had gotten into Mouse. She was acting like she had when we first picked her up at 8 weeks old! Jumping and barking and running back to the kitchen chair in which mother always sat while we played hide and go seek all those years ago. Confused, I asked Mouse, “What do you need girl? What is happening?” Mouse continued playfully jumping up and down until at once she sat down just beside the kitchen chair and locked eyes with me. She would not give up until I started travelling around the main floor as if to find a hiding spot.

When she found me behind the bathroom door, she exchanged with me a very disapproving look. She began circling her body and consistently barking, until a small little tap of her toes onto the wooden slats and took off. I followed her as she walked into my late mother’s bedroom, once she arrived at the edge of the bed she began to dig her head beneath. I raised the edges of the covers and tucked my head below to see what she was trying to tell me. I realized she had found one of my mother’s journals. A dark Moleskin book was tucked far beneath the bed almost along the very far edge of the bed. Mouse saw my eyes scan across the book and started barking louder and louder.

I moved the bed away from the wall in order to get better access to reveal the journal beneath. Once I could reach my fingertips below far enough to grab onto the spine and bring it into my hands. I sat on top of the covers and Mouse jumped up and tucked her head upon my lap. It took a few breaths to calm myself and gain the courage to open the covering. The little black book felt like the whole world was within my hands. It made me miss my mother as much as the previous memories. When I finally gained the courage to open the pages, within them my mother had tucked away numerous notes of hundred-dollar bills.

I never realized in all of my years of watching her write through these Moleskin notebooks, she had been tucking away as much as she could in order to give me a better life. I looked up with tears in my eyes and thanked her profusely.