A Mom’s Struggle

The days passed slowly and all these grownups continued to talk to me... it felt more like the were talking at me. I didn’t have much of a say in where I wanted to be but then again if I did, I wasn’t sure where that was anyway. I knew that I wanted to get to know my mom and Terrance and be around my blood family, but what about these people who had done everything for me and with me for the past 3 years. I just came back from a trip visiting my mom and dad in Georgia. OMG it was so much fun. My mom took the ratchet yarn braids out of my hair that my foster mom kept putting in my hair for lack of anything better to do with it. My mom found them disgusting and found great satisfaction in finally being able to remove them. My cousin Peyton turned 10 while I was there, she had a sleepover and we went swimming it was amazing. I had so much fun. Then came time for me to go back to New Mexico and go on the family vacation they had planned.... but I wanted to stay with my mom and dad.

The Social Worker kept telling me that we would have a date for me to return home for good sooner than later. Are you serious? In teen years that could be forever! On July 3rd 2019, at around 7:30 in the evening I received a phone call from my mom. It was always great to see her face and that smile that mirrored mine. What would she be telling me today... I started to rolled my eyes inwardly until I say my mommy’s face. She look as though she had a secret she couldn’t hide. She had this look in her eyes as though she had just been given a lifetime supply of her favorite food. I could see in her face that she was anxious but about what. “Eisani, Eisani” I heard her calling my name. “I have something to tell you that is going to make you so happy!! Are you ready?”

I shook my head yes hesitantly, but was I ready to hear what she had to say? I got so wrapped up in my thoughts that most of what my mom said was lost and sort of sounded like the teacher off of Charlie Brown. Luckily I could read my mom’s face and she was on the verge of tears. She repeated herself, “Baby, you are coming home for good on July 22nd. Dad and I will meet you at the airport!”

I immediately burst into silent tears because it was finally over. I could finally relax. I was going home where I belonged with my parents. I will never forget this moment. My mom and I continued to talk a little longer and then we said our good nights. As I hung up the phone, the doubt began to creep in once more, where do I want to be? I want to be with my mom and dad bit what about loyalty? Mom and dad are not the ones who have been caring for me for the last 3 years. I took a deep breath and shook off the doubt, I was going home to be with my family and I was over the moon excited.

If I could just have a few minutes alone so I can figure this out! I haven’t lived with my mom in so long.... does she even love me? I mean she says it, but words are words right? I can’t be stuck in limbo my whole life. I guess I can give this having a mom and dad thing a try.