A Life of Solitude

Dear Kendrick,

You took the word gratitude and changed any understanding I used to have of the word. ‘Thank you’ were just words you say to people. Appreciation was just the amount of attention you give. I never realized they were accompanied by emotions as well. All at once you taught me the meaning of these words. The growing emotion behind them made me aware, and grew larger than any words could describe. All meaning lost once more as the words were too small to contain the feeling. And yet, they are the only ones I know to express. Thank you. Maybe I can find new words that better represent the size of its meaning. I love you!

Those should suffice for now. This isn’t the first thing I am thankful for. Way outside my predictions you swooped into my life and changed it right out from under me. Surrounded by people I was completely alone. Nobody could see me, like invisibility was my superpower. But that would be ridiculous. Who I was is the superpower, and that's not a brag. While I was everyone, I was really no-one. I was just as empty, as invisible as I felt. I was a professional really. Close to everyone, and every ounce of who they were, but no one was close to me. Honestly they never really tried, and I knew that.

A week in though you saw. You gave me permission I didn’t know I needed. For the first time, I felt. I had individual opinions, and I was miserable. The beginning of friendship years to come and yet to end. Hopefully never. I didn’t feel like the mimicking ghost within a friend group that will eventually disappear. I had a presence; I was actually someone that I needed to meet for the first time.

All throughout my first heartbreak you were there. You were honest with me when everyone else was on a warpath. So many lies at the time, and your honesty was trustworthy and relieving. You told me what I needed to hear. I stood up again and even when I would fall back down multiple times you never told me how annoying it all was. You let me express myself. Then when I was being reckless and unsafe you showed up more than anyone else. I didn’t even ask for any of it, and certainly didn’t expect it from you.

When I was homeless and alone, you helped me how you could. You checked in and didn’t forget about me. I told you everything, and you shared your secrets with me. You took my side. In the most dangerous moments of my life, you were there when I needed someone the most. You helped me escape the dangers of a homeless life completely in the end. Then while everyone else saw what we didn’t. We started dating to no one else’s surprise. I knew then that I could see us always being close until the day we died. No one in my life had shown up for me the way you did, and my loyalty to you was born. No matter what you do I am on your side. I will go down with you. You understood me, and saved me countless times. I remember clearly that you were the first person to tell me that I was allowed to have feelings about things, and I never knew there could be so many.

Not a single person on this planet could replace what you’ve done for me. Not even being married could change the fact that you’re also my best friend and always will be. My life wouldn’t be half the improvement it is now without your presence in it. I would be nothing now if it had not been for you. My world of one grew big enough for two, and after that I had real friends for once. I credit that to you. You pulled me out, and that is not something I’d soon forget. I can only hope that I accomplish even a fraction of what you’ve done for my life that I’ve done for yours.

So when I say ‘I love you’ It is a truth that not even a shifting of the planet could change. The ups and downs of life can try all they want. Every year I’m only grateful for you. We aren’t alone in this place. You give my life a new meaning that I couldn’t have conceived before now. You’re worth every bit of effort, and appreciation. Thank you for being my lover, my best friend, and my Family. I wouldn’t trade you for anything.

With love,

Dawn