A letter of gratitude

A letter to my mother,

I know you had a choice when you found out I would be arriving in six months or less. No matter what choice you made, it would be a difficult one for a girl just turning seventeen, half way through her junior year of high school. Not to mention, the agony of telling your strict, Southern Baptist family that you were pregnant. Forget about being married. You didn't even have a steady boyfriend. It was your choice, and I owe you my life.

I'm sorry that we have never met, and likely never will. I was so happy to talk to you on the phone a few times. The first time being on Valentines day, just by coincidence. I needed to thank you for making the choice to give me my life, and an opportunity to live.

I was in a similar situation in my freshman year of college, I made a different choice. I still don't have any kids, and I likely never will. I knew it was the right choice for me at the time, but I always wonder how my life would be now, if I chose to give my baby up for adoption. Although I am grateful to you, I wasn't sure I'd want a child to suffer my fate. Always wondering why I wasn't wanted. It hurt a little worse when I found out you had two children after me, but they ended up in foster care. I feel thankful that you handed me over to a loving family.

If I got any personality traits from you, it must be my strength. Although I made a different choice than you when it came to having a baby at nineteen. I have been strong in so many other insane situations that would break so many others. I feel that my spirit to persevere must be part of you. I endured and succeeded , or failed while trying my best.

I found your sister through a DNA test. She told me that your dad whispered to you in private that he'd help you take care of your "problem", if that's what you wanted, that being me. Paula said you were so offended by his offer that you moved all the way from Kentucky to Washington state to deliver me safely, away from prying eyes. Thank you for that.

I can't imagine the amount courage that it must have taken. I didn't have that kind of courage when I was faced with the same situation. Although, I still feel I made the right choice at that time in my life, I am grateful for the choice you made for me. You gave me my life. I owe you everything.

There aren't words powerful enough to express my gratitude and admiration for what you must have gone through. I couldn't begin to imagine what it must have been like for you. Giving birth to a baby girl, only to give her away, must have been immensely difficult. You didn't even know who I was being handed over to. You had trust in humanity, and that I would be safe. You were mostly right. But no need to bring up the side of life that isn't so kind. We all have those times that are less than perfect.

You made the ultimate sacrifice by giving up your first born child. The people who raised me are great people. You made their biggest dream a reality. How could we ever thank you enough. There are no words. You made our family whole while you knew you'd always be missing a piece of yours. The most selfless act anyone could do, you did for my family. We thank you from the deepest place in our hearts. We are forever grateful.

You made a magnificent choice that changed your life forever, and mine too. Adoption is such a wonderful thing. Not many have the courage to choose adoption for their new born baby. For that, I will thank you every day for the rest of my life.

You made a choice that saved two people from the deepest sadness. And I have lived an interesting life. Paula told me you wrote for your high school paper. You took photos for the yearbook too. We kook like the same person when we are both 17. I even have the exact same patterned flannel shirt that you were wearing in 1979.

Even though we will likely never meet, you will always be in my heart. I'm not sure how often you think of me, but I think of you every day and the choice you made to let me have a life. I might have been angry for a little while, but now I understand the choice you made was really just for me. Thank you, You are the bravest woman I have never had the pleasure of meeting, but that's okay. I understand now,

Though we may never meet, know that you are my true hero.

Eternally yours,

Your Grateful Daughter