A Healthier Way to See Our Children

I remember the last time someone asked me to talk about one defect and one quality of my child.

I felt somewhat sad in that moment. Sad because we are still discussing qualities and defects in a small child who is still forming, who doesn’t know themselves yet, just beginning to peek into society, just starting to smell the life ahead.

Why would a dough that is just forming have faults and qualities? Isn’t it the baker’s job to ensure the dough grows to its full potential, to guide and shape it where it’s not yet at its best? And here, I’m not talking about dough.

Changing How We Talk About Children

Although the language has been conditioned for generations to speak easily about qualities and defects, I try hard to retrain my way of speaking, expressing, and thinking.

Children have strengths. They have qualities, but not defects. They have areas where they need more work. They have behaviors and points where they need help discovering their potential, correcting unhealthy behaviors, and growing while feeling supported. Where society sees defects, they should see opportunities to evolve.

That’s why I will never say being stubborn is a defect. Stubbornness can be transformed into perseverance and ambition. I won’t clip the wings of a stubborn child, but help them channel that strength positively.

I won’t stop a joking child from joking or commenting. I will help them find balance and understand the boundary between a harmless joke and a hurtful one. Even if that takes years.

Communication and Respect Matter

I will never stop a child from “talking back.” I want children who can stand up for themselves and justify their choices. I will make sure they learn to communicate politely, bring up arguments, and express their point of view. All these, even under stress.

I won’t say being messy is a defect. Children are full of life, hobbies, and play, always busy. That’s wonderful. I will work again and again with them to learn how to be more organized and respectful of shared spaces. Also, I am aware that I must (still) work on healing my own impatience when I find a once-cleaned space messy again.

By doing so calmly, I won’t see enemies but children who love play so much that they don’t have “time” to tidy up.

Setting Boundaries With Love

I will set limits and give directions repeatedly. Change takes time, and yelling doesn’t speed it up. I’ve tried. Now I simply ask them to clean up and don’t let them return to play until they do.

Isn’t this a healthier way to view people, small or big? Children are moldable. It’s the adults’ duty to support them.

Growing Through Life’s Lessons

When they’re adults, it’s their responsibility to evolve daily through experiences and lessons. Change is hard and uncomfortable, like cleaning a lake — the water gets muddy before it clears. But how beautiful life becomes after each positive transformation!

Even adults need support for change. It’s not easy to abandon lifelong unhealthy habits passed to us through generations. Change starts with that small voice in your conscience, encouraging you to grow and respect yourself more.

People who care, and especially those who are specialists, will stand by your side throughout this process. Only you need to be ready to become aware of the need for you to change and learn new things from a new perspective.

The Science Behind Strengths-Focused Development

Recent research (Owens et al., 2025) supports this strengths-based view. The Preschool Strengths Inventory (PSI), developed through parent focus groups and validated by psychologists, identifies key strengths in young children such as:

• “Dynamic” (enthusiastic, curious),
• “Dependable” (goal-oriented),
• “Caring” (empathetic),
• “Inspiring” (leadership), and
• “Organized” (arranging and categorizing).

Focusing on children’s strengths promotes well-being and builds a positive foundation for lifelong success. I’m sure you’ve heard something similar before. It’s not just a cliche.

Identifying strengths early can guide interventions that nurture these qualities. We can help children thrive instead of labeling them with weaknesses or “defects.”

You Have No Defects, Only Opportunities

Remember: you have no defects, only weaker points that are growth opportunities. You are valuable, capable, precious, and equal.

Equality gives you a chance to stand tall and view yourself with respect, knowing your strengths and the work ahead to change what you want.

Isn’t this a healthier way to see yourself and others?

Can you look in the mirror and truly believe you’re valuable?

Thank you for reading!