A Father's Acceptance

Nakia lays in bed listening to the alarm ring. She cancels the alarm and begins the process of becoming the Nakia she has seen in the mirror since she was six. This was a routine that she had grown accustomed to over the last five years. A routine she had so desperately clung to because it gave her a sense of control and order, something she was never allowed in her youth. After two hours of perfecting her makeup, sliding on her black dress, and strapping on her heels, she was ready.

Outside her rented townhouse waited the black car that would take her to her family’s church. She kept her composure as she exited the foyer into the abusive cold air of her hometown that she was exiled from so many years before. This was the first time she returned after being disowned and discarded like old newspaper. It was her father’s funeral. The day had arrived where she would finally get to figuratively bury her abusive past.

Nakia’s father never accepted Nakia. He only accepted Marcus, the son whose future he had already planned. Since he was six, Marcus only seen Nakia looking back at him in the mirror. Marcus played with dolls, enjoyed baking, and had a passion for art, all things that his father detested about him. Being a southern black Baptist, he refused to acknowledge anything that went against his interpretation of Christianity. He made it an obsession to change his son into the epitome of masculinity. He began banning his son from enjoying what he loved, and demanding his son play sports, lift weights, and attending church. At the age of sixteen, the resentment Marcus held for his father burst at the seams. Marcus finally stated that he was going to live his truth and live his life as Nakia!

That was the last conversation Nakia had with her father. He kicked her out and exiled her. She was taken in by an aunt in New York and thrived with unconditional love and support. She had put her past behind her and focused on art, fashion, and the social injustice against the Trans community. Nakia went on to graduate college focusing on fashion design and become employed at a local design studio. Her life that she created was everything she wanted.

After the funeral her mom gave her a small black book that had her father’s name across the front cover. She said it was his journal and meant to be given to Nakia upon his death. Nakia hesitantly took the journal and headed back to the rented townhouse to pack and head home to New York. She tossed the black book into a bag and promised herself she wouldn’t read it. While sitting on the plane her mind began to run wild thinking about what he could possibly have to say after all this time. This daydream was disrupted by her plane landing, so she collected herself and deplaned.

After a week of anxiety and curiosity Nakia gave in and retrieved the small black journal. She pours herself a tall glass of wine and settled in bed. She opens the journal and a thousand chills covers her body as she reads the inside front cover. “To my daughter Nakia.” It became clear that this journal was her father’s apology. A collection of letters that expressed his regret, his pain, and ultimately his acceptance of the woman his daughter had become. Just as Nakia reaches the final pages that she had soaked with her tears, she comes across a small envelope with her name on it.

Emotionally drained, Nakia opens the envelope that contained a hand-written letter and a check for twenty thousand dollars signed by her father. Fighting to see through the tears, Nakia reads the letter that explained that her father wrote her a check to complete her transformation or to spend as she sees fit. This was her father accepting that his son, Marcus, is his daughter Nakia.