9 Long Years

It was a crisp, autumn day in Peru, 2 months before her 18th birthday. She sat holding her little black tattered book, slowing turning one tear-stained page after another. She had done this very same thing every chance she had for the last 9 years, whenever she wouldn’t get caught. This time there was just a bit more nostalgia. Maybe it was because her big milestone birthday was fast approaching, and like every other one since her father had disappeared with her from the Arizona desert, she knew there would be no celebrating. There would be no cake, no candles, no decorations, no song!

She was the youngest of 9 siblings; her dad was done with her mother and had a new young thing to fancy his desires. Shortly after her 9th birthday, he sent her mother off to help with her oldest sister and her little kids. In the rush to pack up Mom’s things, her new journal was lift behind. All that was in it was all the sibling’s names and their birthdays. Esther, August, Gunner, Julie, Lily, June, Autumn, May, and finally her name, Gabrielle. This would come to be the only thing she had to remind her of them over all the long, lonely, hard years ahead, and the tender love she felt every time she thought of them. She held the book close to her heart and let it hug her as she knew her mother would if she was there. The pages got all wet, absorbed those first tears, and would do so again and again throughout the following years.

She had to hid it in her bible, she knew this was the only way to keep it safe. If her father found it, he would tear it up and destroy it like he did to anything else she held dear. In the mid of night when no one was awake, she would take it out and trace the images of her mother and each one of her siblings on the pages. One page was dedicated to each one of them. On the top she would carefully in her most delicate cursive, write their names and then their birthdays. In October she celebrated Esther, in March August, in September Gunner, and so on. Somehow remembering them made her feel loved, safe, cared for. She always wondered if they thought of her in November. All the other holidays would pass like any other day on the calendar, unnoticed, uncelebrated. However, she always would pull out her little journal that was now filled with sweet nothings that she would have said to each one of them, had she been able to.

She could hear her father’s voice, it seemed so far away, but it kept calling her piercing her daydream. Gabrielle, come on! We are going to pick up your mother and your bother from the airport! She couldn’t understand what she was hearing. She must still be daydreaming. But then she felt her most treasured item in the world, her only treasure, slip from her lap onto the floor and she knew she had to wake up fast and hid it ASAP before her father showed up! She shoved it under her apron and quickly wiped away her tears because she would have been punished just for crying. Amidst her mumbling, her father just kept repeating himself that they needed to leave for the airport to get her mom. She grabbed her sweater so she could hide her treasure and went and jumped in the car. She couldn’t wrap her head around what was happening. 9 years, 9 long, hard, painful, traumatic years had past since she had seen her mother, never mind hear her name! Maybe it was because her 18th birthday was not far away, maybe it was because Dad had been having heart attacks, maybe because he had tuberculosis. Maybe, he had finally gotten tired of her and didn’t want her any longer either. She couldn’t wrap her head around all the reasons it could be, but she did know she was going to see her mother.

The next few weeks were a blur- so many mixed emotions. Her mom’s arms around her felt so differently than they had when she had held her journal to her heart. Her bother looked different then the drawing on March’s page. Everything felt so different, all she could do was hold her journal to her heart and rock back and forth. Before long, the arrangements had been made and from one darling escape to the next secretive hide-out, they boarded a plane back to the United States. Her only piece of luggage, her little black book!

All the family was there to greet her when she landed. There were balloons and ‘Welcome Home’ signs, and flowers and smiles and hugs. She didn’t quite know what to do or how to respond but everyone from her book was there, and loving on her!

It was almost her birthday- she didn’t know what to think or how to feel. Part of her was so excited. Part of her accustomed to nothing whatsoever happening. She tried to adjust to her new normal. Everything felt so foreign. What was she going to do? Who was she going to be? She had no education, no money, nothing to her name. She sat frozen, staring at the strange contraption in front of her as she watched its images slide past the screen.

It was finally the day of her birthday; Gunner came over to take her to Julie’s house. She was filled with anticipation and trepidation the entire car ride. She slowly walked up the stairs, she heard laughter and music inside. The door swung open and there was every single member of her family singing ‘Happy Birthday to YOU, Happy Birthday to YOU….’! Everything was in slow motion as she took in the cake on the table filled with 18 candles, the ceiling filled with colorful balloons, and festive decorations celebration her, every place she looked! She caught her breathe, unable to even recognize these sensations she was feeling. Joy, happiness, sadness, safety, strangeness? She found a corner and went and took a seat. She didn’t know how long she sat there but finally someone was saying “it’s gift time, it’s gift time”. Then one by one each sibling came to her, hugged her, told her they loved her, and handed her a gift.

Each gift was the exact same size, about the size of a book. Each was wrapped with beautiful paper and ribbons and bows. She opened Esther’s first, it was a little black book. She looked up at her oldest sister and saw her smiling while her eyes were filled with tears. Gabrielle thumbed through it; something caught her eye. Each page was titled either with her birthday or a holiday. There would be an entry and then something she didn’t understand. There were columns that said company/stock, and then shares. This left her puzzled but she didn’t want to appear ignorant so she just smiled, said thank you and gave Esther a hug. Then came August, Gunner, and so on until May. Each sibling gave her their gift, a little black book filled with entries for every one of her birthdays since she had been gone. Every birthday, holiday, special occasion, had an entry. Each was a special message of how much they loved her, how much they missed her, and how much they waited for the day when they would get to celebrate her in person! And along with those entries were the things she didn’t understand, something about stocks and bonds.

An entry from her oldest brother’s gift, “I saved you the best seat at my wedding! A bouquet with your favorite flower, gardenias, held your place. I can’t wait for you to meet your wonderful sister-in-law; I know she is going to love you! I just bought you a couple of shares of Intel to celebrate our union, I can’t wait to give them to you! I love you little sister of mine!”

Then I skipped over to my sister Julie’s. “You should see your nephew; he is gorgeous just like you! He has your eyes, blue and beaming with excitement! I can’t wait for you to hold him and play hide-and-go- seek with him! I bought you 7 shares of Starbucks for the month in which he was born. I can’t wait to take you there and buy you a latte!”

Entry after entry from book after book, each one filled with years of love and tears and hope. Hope that they would one day see her again. Tears of how much they missed her and how powerless they were to save her. But also filled with a love so powerful for her that transcended time and space, and that she had felt all of those horrific, lonely days! A love that gave her the strength and faith to keep on.

She finally figured out what all those other entries were, well with a little help from her siblings. For every special occasion, they had bought her a stock or a bond. They knew when she would come back, she would need something to get on her feet. And this way she could see they hadn’t forgotten her, and their love would even grow! After checking all the current values and adding them all up, she had a total of $19,670.00 dollars to her name! It took a few moments, even days, for it to sink in, but now she knew without a doubt, she was going to be alright! She had 8 little black books, along with one from her mother that showed her every single one of them had never forgotten her, had thought about her on every single one of her birthdays, on every wedding, holiday, or other celebration, and had included her in those special moments. And with all the money they had invested in and for her, she was going to be able to get on her feet!

Her little black book, and her 18th birthday gift of an additional 9 Moleskin little black books, would forever remain her greatest treasure!