2005 And Me

As I pulled up to the house on Prospect Avenue I immediately felt at home. It looked small from the outside, but when I looked up I noticed that the house had a second floor, and a basement down below. It sat right next door to a mini church. Which made interesting conversation on Sunday afternoon. The steps stood out to me because they were blue and kind of curved. I grabbed my bag form the car and I headed in the house. It was the middle of the day and the house was empty. All the guys were either at work or at school.

The dining room was a nice size with a large table sitting by the windows. The steps to the upstairs floor were right in front of the front door. The kitchen was intertwined with the dining room and it was a nice size. When I walked in one of the staff members asked me would I mind waiting a second. “Sure” I said humbled and happy to be there. I waited in the living room for a while still admiring and looking around the house. I noticed that the windows didn’t have any curtains just blinds, and that the floors were wood. Besides the table there wasn’t much furniture in the house.

What I began to notice was that the house wasn’t designed to make you feel comfortable. It was designed to just keep a roof over you’re head and nothing else, and there was nothing wrong with that. I took that as sign that I might have to get in and get out. It was definitely better than the Covenant House. I appreciated everything that they were able to do for me, but there it felt like you were confined to a limited amount of space. You had to take your showers at a certain time, get dressed at a certain time, and you couldn’t relax for a few minutes without people being in you’re room. It was really tough there. Here it felt like it might be similar but a little more relaxed. That’s all I wanted. I just wanted to be able to relax and unwind after work without people loud talking and making noise.

About 20 minutes later one of the staff members came to greet me. He was a tall, big guy, light skin, well dressed, and he had long dread locks.

“What’s going on brotha? How are you doing? My name is Chris Smith. I’m one of the staff members here.” He said extending his hand to introduce himself.

“Everything is good Mr. Smith.” I replied. “My name is Sakoli Norman, and they just dropped me of from The Covenant House. I said as I extended my hand to greet him as well.”

“Yeah we received a call from The Covenant House saying that you were on you’re way over here.” Chris replied as we walked toward the back room to the office.

The two things that I did notice while walking back there was that there was a bathroom on the right hand side and there was a door that led down to the basement. The office was small but very organized. There were two chairs on the opposite side, a trash can right next to it and, there was actually a back door that led out side. The desk was positioned so that the staff members could see into the hallway. They could see who was coming in and out of the house, and who was going back and forth into the basement. There was also a computer on the desk, which made it easier for the staff to organize our files and paper work.

They also had staff meetings in their office. Now for the life of me I have no idea how all of the staff members manage to fit in that small room for their staff meetings. It looked like two was company and three was a crowd, but I guess when you have to make things work you make them work. As I walked back there I noticed that there was a young pregnant lady sitting in the chair. She was Hispanic and seemed pretty young at the time. When I walked she introduced herself.

“Hi how are you? Now you’re name is pronounced Sakoli right?” She said with a slight grin on her face.

“Yeah. You said it right.” I said with a grin on my face as well.

“I was wondering if I said you’re name right the first time too.” Chris said laughing.

“It’s definitely a different name, so I don’t get mad if people mispronounce it the first time they say it.” I said laughing as well.

“Well welcome to Promesa, my name is Brandy and I believe you’ve already met Chris. We’re staff members here and as you continue to stay here you will meet the different staff members that work around the clock here.” Brandy said.

“Our goal is to here is to guide you from transitional housing to permanent housing. Now just like any other business establishment we have rules and regulations that we have in place that you have to follow for us to be able to help you and guide you. We will do what we can to answer you’re questions and help you make the best decisions possible so you can get the best out of this situation.” Brandy explained.

“As Brandy is saying all we ask is that you follow our rules and make the best of this situation. You have a great opportunity to save up you’re money and get your own place. You have a great opportunity to start you’re life here if you are serious about it.” Chris added.

I agreed with them, but I never truly understood the benefits of my situation. I wanted my own place and I wanted to have my own responsibilities, but I was ignorant to the fact of what that meant. Having my own place was good, but the problem was I wasn’t capable of making grown man decisions. I wasn’t educated on how a lease worked, prorated rent, security deposits, rent payments, furniture costs, how to look for apartments, Refurbished vs furbished, apartment location, or paying for utilities. These are things you learn after you’ve rented apartments for a while and you have experience.

“Most definitely!” I said with great confidence and excitement I shook my head in agreement.

“Ok” Brandy added as she started to break down the rules and regulations.

“I’m sure at The Covenant House you had similar rules and regulations well here its pretty much the same. We also recommend that you open up a bank account and start saving money. You are required to have a job and you are responsible for saving at least 60% of you’re income to go towards an apartment. All of the expenses are paid here so you don’t have to worry about that.” She explained

“Ok, that’s good man. Never heard of that before. I appreciate y’all I really do.” I said as Brandy and Chris continued to explain.

“Yeah this program can be a good one if you can see it through.” Chris added.

“Like Brandy was saying you can open up a bank account and save your money. The main reason why we want you to open up a bank account is because we require you to show us proof that you are saving you’re money. We want to see paycheck stubs and we want to see bank receipts. We want you to get the most out of this program. The best way to do that is to put the work in.” Chris explained.

“Right! I would also like to add that once you have half of the amount saved up for an apartment, notify us so that we can begin to help you with your apartment search and lock in on a place that would be suitable and affordable for you.” Brandy explained.

“What is you’re job situation like now?” Chris asked.

“ Well I have an job interview with the pharmacy Duane Reade next week. The store downtown on 42nd Street off of Broadway, near Virgin Megastore” I replied with a smile on my face.

“Oh ok where do you work at now? Brandy asked politely.

“I work at Barneys Warehouse on 17th Street and 7th Ave through a company called The Source Temp Agency.” I replied.

“How long have you worked there? Chris asked me. “I started there last month around this time.” I replied.

“Ok well something is better than nothing” Brandy added.

“At least you have something to hold you over until you’re job at Duane Reade comes through.” Chris said.

“Yeah the job came right on time, right when I needed it.” I said rubbing my hand together in agreement.

“Most definitely. The only thing you have to do now is keep it and save you’re money, and you could be on you’re way.” Brandy explained.

“Agreed” Chris added as I smiled at their responses.

“Another other rule we have are weekly chores. We rotate the chores weekly so that everybody gets the chance to do something different. Each staff member checks you’re chore to make sure that it is done properly. You are responsible for you’re chore each night after meeting, and before you go to bed. You are also responsible for keeping your room clean because staff checks that daily as well.” Brandy explained.

“Brandy said something that I want to refer back to, and elaborate on. Every night at about 8:30 I get the guys together and we all have a meeting. I usually conduct the meeting, if I’m not here it’s ran by another staff member on duty. We talk about problems in the house, issues with staff, or just any other issues you may want to talk about. Our door is always open anytime that you need to talk or have a conversation. The people that work here have a lot of life experience so never be afraid to come ask questions or give an a opinion on things that you feel strongly about.” Chris explained.

“Also we have a no alcohol, drug, or violence policy. It is our responsibility to run a safe company based on following its rules and regulations. Any violation of these rules can lead to a write up or immediate discharge. We ask you to not bring these things into our environment. We can’t control what you do outside Promesa, but we do ask that when you are here to leave those activities out there. Also we enforce an 8:00 curfew, now if you have a job that you are work during this time, then we will work with you, if not then you are required to be here at that time. If there is ever a situation that you are running late or working overtime, please call us and let us know so that we can mark you present. Repeat offenses will eventually cause you get a write up and discharged.” Brandy explained.

“If you have family or friends that you want to visit overnight we require you to complete a overnight pass. Once the staff manager approves the pass only then are you allowed to spend the night out. The pass will be granted a certain amount of time. If you do not obey the pass than it can cause a write up and loss of privilege. If it continues than we will be forced to discharge you. If you require an extended amount of time away from Promesa please discuss it directly with the manager. She can then make the necessary decisions, adjustments and approvals that align specifically with you’re requests.” Chris explained.

“Well welcome to Promesa Sakoli! We are happy to have you, if you think of any more questions please do not hesitate to ask us.” Brandy and Chris said as I shook both of their hands and stood up to leave.

“You’re room is upstairs let me show you.” Chris said as he opened the office door to walk out.

We walked up these long set of wooden stairs that curved momentarily when you reached the top. There were four different rooms I saw as we reached the top of the stairs well five if you include the bathroom. There was one room directly in front of the steps, one to the right of that which was the room I was in, the bathroom to the right of that, another room next to the bathroom, and a room that had a lock on it. The hallway was very small and the light was dimmed.

“All of the guys are at work right now so you are by yourself right now. You are sharing the room with a guy named Sam. He is a cool guy. The rooms are a decent size so you two should be ok.” Chris said as he opened the door.

When I walked in the room I saw the two bunk beds one the right side of the room and one on the left. There were two separate dressers for both of us, which was great for me. I liked having my own space and having room to place my personal things. There was a window right beside my bed where the Air Conditioner was. I placed my bags down on the bed.

“Here you go!” Chris said in excitement. “I think you will do well just keep doing everything that you’ve been doing. We didn’t mention this in the meeting, but there are two people that you didn’t get a chance to meet who are integral part of this program, and they over see all of the Promesa staff. Mr. Mario who is our staff supervisor and Ms. Victoria who is our staff manager. Ms. Victoria’s office is the last room on the right with the lock. She is usually up here during the day, but she couldn’t be here today. She had personal business to take care of, but my point is just keep doing you’re thing like I told you and you will be fine.” Chris explained.

“Most definitely Mr. Chris I will.” I replied with positive affirmation.

“Welcome to Promesa! Chris said as he gave me a handshake.

“No doubt I'm excited!” I said returning the favor.

After our conversation Chris walked back downstairs and returned to the office. Hearing Chris walk downstairs and listening to the creek of the wooden steps I had a flashback. I couldn’t help but to think about the time I was in a foster home in Queens, NY. I was about three or four years old at the time. I can still feel the sun shine through the window on my face in the upstairs bedroom. I could touch the M from McDonalds happy meal truck, and I could steel feel the glue split on the rubber wheels as I ran the truck across the wooden floor. (Stop acting like you didn’t have one, you’re lying if you say you didn’t, we all did.) I could still hear the young children imitating a motorcycle. “Wrooom wroom!!” they said as they laughed and giggled.

The bedroom floor was made of wood, and it was dusty. I remember seeing the dust particles pass the sunlight as I waved them out of the sun with my hand. That bedroom was similar to this room I’m in now because it was right near the steps. The only difference was that Promesa’s stairs curved once you reach the bottom so you couldn’t see the front door. So as the other children and I are playing with our toys we hear the front door open, and it’s one of the foster parents children coming in from school. Now these were old school African American parents and they did not play about school, education, or homework.

Schools in the late 80’s until the early 2000’s worked very differently. When you received poor grades, didn’t complete classroom work or homework, acted up in school, received you’re report card or had a fight teachers called you’re house or they came by you’re house to inform you’re parents. Apparently this young man was acting up in school so the teacher called his parents. Now keep in mind this is 1989 before certain laws were passed refraining parents from beating their children. As soon as he walked in the door all I heard was

“Ima whoop you’re behind, you think I work and pay bills so you can joke around in class. Take you damn clothes off, I not playing with your joking ass.” The foster mom said angrily.

The two kids that were with me in the room froze like Ice in the freezer. They were just as scared as I was. They just knew the mother was coming upstairs next. All I continued to hear was crying and the boy getting a behind whooping. Now I’ve been noisy for as long I can remember even when I was a young child. So me being who I am I decided to creep to the edge of the steps to listen. As I start to walk out of the door of my room, I felt a hand touch my arm.

“Mama gonna whoop you too.” I heard one of the kids say.

I turned to him and said “No she wont. Im going to be quiet.”

So as I start to move the children put their hands over their mouth because they were in shock that I was actually going to test their mother’s wit. So I tip toe out of the room quietly step by step. The steps were wooden, so the creeks sounded like a scene in a horror movie. You could actually take the Halloween movie theme and place it where I’m walking down the stairs. Nobody else was upstairs, but us three we were by ourselves so I was safe in that regard.

The sun was shining through the windows in the hallway, but otherwise it was dark and quiet. There were no lights on because the sun lit up the house through windows in the 3 bedrooms that were upstairs . The first step I lightly touch and there was a small creek sound. Not much to draw any attention, but if you were really listening you would hear it. I tipped toed down another step and that had that loud creek that sounded like an old attic door was about to open. It was very loud, but nobody noticed or at least I thought nobody did.

I looked back to make sure nobody was coming out of the room. The two children were standing watching me but I didn’t notice what they were staring at. I also noticed that it had got quiet for a moment. I didn’t notice that the boy had stopped crying and the mother had stopped yelling. Once I turned around I jumped because I noticed what they were staring at. The mother was standing at the bottom of the stairs with the belt in her hand.

“If you come down these stairs I’m whooping you’re behind too! Don’t play with me little boy I am not in the mood.”

Man I ran up those steps and back in that room so fast you would of thought that the Ice Cream truck was in there. To make matters worse one of the kids said “Ooooh!!! I told you mama was gonna whoop you too.” I sat there in sweat and fear for a couple of minutes before I continued to play with my toys. The ironic thing is that in the years after that is I would feel that same freight that young child felt that day many times in my life. I acted up in school, teachers called home, and I got my behind tore up. I know the feeling all to well.

Here I was almost two decades later in a halfway house starting to understand the parent side of it. While I was sitting there all I could do was laugh. That was one of my first memories of a parent disciplining their child. Now I see why, it’s so that they won’t end up in places like this by joking and acting up in class. Life has a way of saving lessons until you really need them. Hearing those stairs creek was a great reminder of why parents are so hard on us, why they want us to strive to do better, why its important to take in any knowledge that we receive in life. They do it because they want us to be the best versions of ourselves.

They want their children to be better people and make better decisions than they did. Hearing that sound made me remember why reinforcement is needed at times. Mama also always told us if we make our bed we must lay in it, and that’s exactly what I planned to do later. I hungry, tired and I wanted to take a nap, but I wanted a Turkey and Cheese sandwich first. I'd been craving it since I came back uptown. I wanted to go to the store and get a sandwich. The beautiful thing about NY is that you don’t have to travel far to get something to eat. The house was right off of Boston Road and Prospect Avenue. There is a Bodega on almost every corner on Boston Road because its such a large street. I told Chris and Brandy where I was going, and walked right around the corner, and bought me a Honey Turkey and Cheese sandwich with Salt, Pepper, Oil, and Vinegar, Salt And Vinegar Chips, and a Tropical Fantasy soda that all came up to a total of $4.00.

I came back and ate at the table alone. There was literally no one in the house besides staff. I murdered that sandwich in the third degree. I know I looked crazy licking mayo, cheese, and chips off my hand, but I didn’t care. I hadn’t eaten since before I left The Covenant House and the breakfast that morning was light. I know this was probably considered sloppy and messy, but it was just me. I know staff didn’t care they probably did the same thing when they ate behind closed doors.

At this point it’s about 1pm in the afternoon. I wasn’t terribly tired, but I wanted to enjoy the peace and quiet while I could because I knew later on that the rest of the house would be there and I wouldn’t get a chance to enjoy it. So after I finished my sandwich I went upstairs to lye down on my bed. I thought about the work I put in to get here. Everything seemed to be a rollercoaster ride. I Finished high school, tried business school, quit that, got evicted from my house, I went to Covenant House for the first time and I left that too. I stayed with neighbors, my friend, then my aunt. I then moved back to New Jersey with my grandmother for four months, only to come back to Covenant House, see it through, and then come to Promesa. This was something that I knew I could handle, something that I had to face alone, and an experience that I figured would be beneficial for me in the future. All this thinking caused me to slowly close my eyes and drift off to sleep

After about six and a half hours of sleep I woke up to my roommate coming through the door and turning on the light. That was some good sleep! I hadn’t slept that good since I was at my grandmother’s house, and to top it off, it was damn near 7pm. As I'm waking up all I heard was

“Nah baby I just got to Promesa”

Now at first thinking to my self “Who the hell is this dude talking to?” until I realized he was on the phone. He looked up and saw me getting up and said

“Oh snap my bad I didn't see you in here, how you?” as he gave me a handshake.

“What’s good bro?” I said as I returned the handshake

“Yo ma let me call you back in a minute.” He said as he hung up and sat down on his bed across the room.

“What’s good bro you new?” He said as he put some chewing gum in his mouth.

“Yeah I got just got here today from The Covenant House.” I said.

“Ok that’s cool, I’m Sam.” He said nodding his head in agreement.

“Coll. No I’m Sakoli nice to meet you bro.” I replied wiping my eye and trying to readjust them to the light from just waking up.

“You from out here?” Sam asked in a curious tone.

“Yeah I used to live not to far from here on Westchester Ave and Kelly Street by Intervale Ave.” I said.

“Oh ok I know where your at. Your over there by that White Castle!” Sam said.

“Yeah, when you walk like half a block down Westchester Ave from Intervale Ave , make that right on Kelly, then you walk about another half block, and I was right there in the middle apartment building 957.” I replied with in excitement.

“Oh word thats cool.” Sam replied. “You from out here?” I asked.

“Yeah I lived on Sheridan Ave over by Taft High School.” Sam said.

When he said that at first I gave him the “What the hell?” look because in my mind I’m thinking he might already know me, but he might not remember me. I also remember thinking I don’t remember him seeing him over there back in the day, but the Bronx is big, and just because you’re from the same area as someone doesn’t mean you know them. It also doesn’t mean that they weren’t out there.

“Get out of here bro. I’m from over there. I lived in HELP Morris for about two years.” I said in shock.

“Oh snap! really?” Sam replied in excitement as well.

“Yeah that’s the old stomping grounds.” I replied.

“Wow son. Yeah its crazy over there, but I love it. People got into alot of fights over there in Taft High School bro!.” Sam said shaking his head while laughing.

“No you're not lying man. I used to get off the train every day over there on 170th street. It was nothing but Bloods over there. Neutral dudes fought fought a lot too.” I replied laughing as well.

“ Word son. Dudes act crazy, that’s why I just hang with my girl and chill. Im not about to go to jail for something crazy, forget that.” Sam replied.

“I feel you mam. How long you been here in Promesa?” I asked curiously.

“I've been here for a min, trying to save my money and move in with my girl. This is good for now, but I have make moves soon.” Sam said

“I see” I replied.

Sam I conversed for about a half a hour longer and then we both came down stairs because we the meeting was at 8:00 and I definitely didn’t want to be late. As soon as I got down stairs I bumped into Chris. Sam said what’s up to Mr. Chris and then went to the office to talk to Brandy.

“I thought you went out for a little while I had no idea that you were still here.” Mr. Chris said laughing and shaking his head.

“Yeah I after I ate my sandwich I went upstairs and went to sleep. That sandwich was good. I didn’t think I’d be sleep that long.” I replied.

“Well you’re good. We have our meetings at 8:30 so, if you want to run out to get something to eat before you can. Most of the time the staff usually cooks, but it was a little busier than usual with staff meetings, conference calls, and other business that we didn’t have time to cook, and since your new, if you want, we'll allow you to go to the store after your chore.” Mr. Chris said

Oh Ok Mr. Chris it’s ok I can wait until after doing my chore to get something from the store its cool.”

I said to Mr. Chris “Ok, cool well you can hang out up here or you can go down stairs, and hangout with everybody else.” Mr. Chris said.

“Ok Cool” I replied back.

Since it was already 7:30 I decided to go down stairs to the basement and see who else was down there. The lights were on and I heard the TV playing. The stairs creaked as I went down step by step just as the upstairs steps did. Had I been alone in that house I don’t know if I would of went down there alone. Those steps were horror movie like. They were wooden stairs as well. They also had no back support to them so, if somebody wanted to reach between the stairs, and grab your leg, they could do it. The sound was nerve wrecking to say the least. I instantly thought about the movie “The People Under The Stairs.”

I finally reached the bottom and it seemed like the whole house was down there. They were watching a big screen TV. That TV was huge! There were two pieces of furniture down there a couch and a love seat. There was also washer and a dryer. I thought that was great because we didn’t have to spend extra money to do laundry at the laundry mat. The rest was empty space for us to just hangout. It felt more like a man cave than a basement. This reminded me of one of my friend’s basements. He lived in The Bronx also. In fact it wasn’t far from the area I was in, and on a nice day, if I wanted to, I could walk there in like twenty minutes.

His basement was very similar to this one with the exception of the big screen TV and furniture it was just as spacious, and it was also considered a man cave. We would listen to music down there, rap down there, lift weights, chill with other company, and just have fun. This was that same vibe and energy that I felt being in this basement with everyone down there. When I got down there I didn’t introduce myself because I wanted to sit down there and just see the vibe from everybody else. That is the type of person I usually am, I always feel out a room for the energy, and I pay attention to people around me. My internal instincts will let me know who to hang around and who not to.

I didn’t notice that a NBA game was on, and any New Yorker will tell you, the only talk that you hear during a NBA game is cheering for you’re team, cursing out the team for doing something wrong, or arguing with someone else about why you’re team is nicer than their team. The NY Knicks happened to be playing the LA Lakers that night. As I’m watching the game out of nowhere someone yells...

“Get outta here son the Knicks is garbage son, Kobe is trashing these Lakers right my man!” One dude said taunting another guy said to another.

“What you mean son, Marbury just dropped 15 points in the last couple of possessions. Watch you’re mouth fam. don’t ever disrespect my team like that. what are you talking about!” Another dude said clapping his hands while standing up.

I’m dying laughing the whole time while this argument is happening. Now this continued for about almost a hour amongst themselves until Mr. Chris called us upstairs to have our meeting. They even brought the argument upstairs to Chris.

“Chris tell the dude The Knicks is trash son, this dude think they nice.”

All Charles could say was “I’m going to stay out of y’all business man”

All of us laughed as Chris held the meeting, he talked about how the guys were doing well, but we had to make sure bank receipts were being turned in on time. We also had to make sure that we were providing our work pay stubs for the staff so that they could file it with our records. Charles introduced me to the rest of the house and I got a good reception from all of the guys. I remember my chore was cleaning the kitchen for that first week and it was cool because its one of the easiest things to do. You wash, dry, and put up the dishes, wipe the counters, sweep, and mop.I can handle that.

I celebrated my first night by capping it off with some Chinese food half of chicken, with French Fries, Crab Sticks, and a large Ice Tea. Hey I’m a fat boy at the end of the day. I ate down stairs with some of the guys at the table, I cleaned my area when I was done, and I went up stairs. All of the guys were in their rooms by 9:00. As I drifted off to sleep that night I had a great feeling that better things and better days were coming. I just had to stay on the path I was on and start getting it together.

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