What Makes a Marriage Strong? Understanding Real Expectations in Relationships

Marriage is one of the most beautiful and important relationships in life. It was the very first bond created by Allah Almighty—for peace, love, and understanding. In the Quran, no relationship has been given more importance than the relationship between husband and wife.

But if that’s the case, why has marriage become so difficult in today’s world?

Why Is Marriage Difficult Today?

Getting married has become harder than ever. And even when people do get married, why do so many marriages end in conflict, pain, or even divorce? The root cause often lies in our wrong choices and unrealistic expectations.

Islam clearly tells us to choose a spouse based on piety (taqwa)—someone who fears Allah and has good character. But in the age of materialism, what do most people look for instead?

Wealth

Beauty

Caste or family background

Career or job status

Where is piety in all of this? It often gets ignored, which leads to mismatched expectations and disappointment.

What Happens When Expectations Don’t Match Reality?

Let’s face it—not everyone is a master of every art. You can’t expect a person to be perfect in every area.

For example:

If you want a beautiful, wealthy, well-educated woman, don’t also expect her to do all the house chores and be totally obedient.

If you want a woman who manages the home like a maid, don’t look for one with a Master’s degree and a corporate job.

If you want a girl to live with your entire joint family—including non-mahram male relatives—why not ask her first? Does she feel comfortable with that? If not, don’t force her into a situation that will lead to constant fights and emotional pain.

How can you expect peace in a marriage when there’s no mutual understanding or clarity?

Who Should You Marry?

Every man and woman should think honestly before marriage.

Women who want comfort and a luxurious life should know: a rich man might provide money but not necessarily love or loyalty.

A religious and respectful man may not earn millions but will value his wife and treat her with honor.

So, ask yourself: What matters more—respect or riches? Loyalty or luxury?

And on the other side:

Men, if you want to lead a household, ask yourself: Am I ready to take responsibility? Am I able to make decisions and give my wife love, respect, and security?

If every small decision in your marriage depends on asking your parents, maybe you’re not ready to marry yet.

When Should You Step Back?

Parents and in-laws should ask: Are we ready to let our children live their married life in peace? If you can’t support them without interfering or criticizing, it’s better to stay out of their personal matters.

Mothers of sons—if you feel jealous of your daughter-in-law or cannot bear your son giving her attention, then marriage will only bring conflict to your family. Marriage requires emotional maturity and letting go of control.

What Is Marriage Really About?

Marriage isn’t a game. It’s not about control or status. It is:

A test of responsibility

A platform for love and respect

A journey that demands tolerance and sacrifice

A bond built on trust and faith

How can we expect peace in marriage without these core values?

If you’re getting married just for fun, status, or beauty, you’re setting yourself up for trouble. Allah will hold us accountable for how we treat our spouses. Marriage is a blessing, but it also comes with heavy responsibility.

Final Thoughts: Where Do We Go From Here?

Maybe Allah will bless you with your ideal partner—your "mixed fruit" dream of beauty, wealth, character, and charm. But if He doesn’t, that doesn’t give you the right to make someone else’s life miserable.

Who are we to demand perfection, when we ourselves are full of flaws?

Instead, remember: not every man is a master of every skill, and not every woman is perfect in every role. Accepting this truth is the first step to peace and happiness in marriage.