The Success Sequence Debate

I was 17 the first time I heard the phrase “Success Sequence.”

A speaker came to our school assembly, stood in front of 300 restless seniors, and wrote three words on a giant whiteboard:

Graduate. Work. Marry.

He paused, turned to us, and said, “If you do those three things—in that order—you’re almost guaranteed to avoid poverty.”

The room fell silent.

It sounded simple. Almost too simple.

The Formula

The “Success Sequence” is a term used in education and politics. It goes like this:

Finish high school.

Get a full-time job.

Get married before having kids.

According to some research, about 97% of young adults who follow this pattern avoid long-term poverty. The message is clear: if you make the “right” choices, you’ll be okay.

Some schools now teach it as part of life-prep or character programs. Some states are even funding “Success Sequence” education.

At first glance, it makes sense. Who wouldn’t want kids to learn how to build a stable future?

But for me, and a lot of others, the more I thought about it—the more complicated it became.

The Real World Isn’t That Clean

Let’s be honest: life doesn’t follow a clean sequence for everyone.

My mom had me when she was 20. She didn’t get married first. She worked two jobs, raised me alone, and eventually earned her nursing degree while I was in middle school.

She didn’t follow “the sequence”—but she succeeded anyway.

And I’ve seen people do everything “right” and still struggle. My cousin got married, got a full-time job, and still can’t afford rent in his city. Inflation, layoffs, and student debt don’t care what order you live your life in.

It’s More Than a List

The message behind the Success Sequence can feel judgmental.

It makes it sound like people who are poor just “messed up.” Like their struggles are their fault because they didn’t follow the steps. But it ignores a lot of what people are born into—like racism, generational poverty, underfunded schools, and neighborhoods with no opportunities.

Some critics say it turns a personal story into a political weapon. It gets used to shame single parents or push a certain kind of family model as “right” or “moral.”

It sounds like advice—but sometimes feels like blame.

But It’s Not All Wrong

I’ll be fair. The idea of giving young people a plan isn’t bad.

A lot of us grow up without clear guidance. I never had a class that taught me how to budget, apply for jobs, or even set goals. If someone had said, “Here are steps that make life more manageable,” I might’ve listened.

And let’s face it: stability matters. Planning does help. Kids deserve to know that their choices now affect their future.

But what we need isn’t just a checklist.

We need support.

We need real education about relationships, money, mental health, and how to recover when life goes off track.

What Schools Should Really Teach

Instead of just teaching a “Success Sequence,” why not teach:

How to recognize toxic relationships

How to manage money and debt

How to handle setbacks

How to parent, if that happens early

How to access help, without shame

Life is messy. Success doesn’t always happen in the “right” order.

It’s not about punishing kids for falling out of line—it’s about helping them get back up when they do.

A Better Way Forward

I had a teacher who once said, “There’s more than one way to build a good life.”

That stuck with me.

Yes, education matters. Work matters. Family stability matters.

But so does mental health. So does community. So does having the chance to try, fail, and try again.

Instead of telling students, “Do this or you’ll be poor,” we should be saying:

“Here are paths that can lead to stability—and here’s how to find support if life takes a different turn.”

Final Thoughts

The Success Sequence isn’t evil. It’s not fake. It’s not even wrong.

But it’s incomplete.

It gives a roadmap—but not a seatbelt. Not directions for when the road cracks or floods or turns into something you weren’t expecting.

If you follow it, great. It might work.

But if you don’t? You still deserve compassion, opportunity, and belief in your ability to succeed.

Because success isn’t a straight line it’s a story. And every story deserves to be told with more than three steps.