Special Education Teachers: Assume Positive Intent When Autistic Students Experience Social Miscommunication

If you’re a special education teacher working with autistic children, it’s important to be aware that autistic children don’t socialize “incorrectly”, they socialize differently according to their neurotype.

Therefore, when socializing goes wrong between your autistic and non-autistic students, your autistic student shouldn’t be expected to shoulder the blame (and shame) for these misunderstandings. Instead of reprimanding and ‘correcting’ the autistic student and saying nothing to the non-autistic student (which encourages bullying by lowering the perceived social value of the autistic student in their developing neurotypical social hierarchy structure), act as a mediator instead.

Since autistic people don’t socialize the way neurotypical (non-autistic) people do, it’s vital that you, as a non-autistic educator, do a deep dive into autistic communication, so you can teach it to your non-autistic students during mediation of social misunderstandings.

Assume Positive Intent

Far too often, when an autistic child communicates in a way that is natural for their brain type, they are immediately punished, corrected, and/or separated from their peers, which ‘others’ them and sets them up for not only confusion and emotional trauma (because they don’t know what they did wrong) but mistreatment and harassment from other kids.

Instead, assume positive intent. If your autistic student says or does something that sounds rude or negative to your neurotypical ear, stop and take a deep breath before reacting. Assess the situation and believe that your autistic student is making a genuine attempt at a positive interaction, or they’re communicating in a neutral way not meant to evoke emotion at all.

Understand Literal vs. Figurative Language

Autistic people, by and large, are very literal in the way we think and speak. We say what we mean, and we mean what we say. We also tend to take what others say to us literally, even if they are joking or teasing in an attempt to bond with us.

For those who use and understand figurative language (primarily neurotypical people), it can be difficult to fathom someone who uses and understands literal language (primarily autistic people), which causes conversations to get confusing and feelings to get hurt.

A study published in Mind & Language explains that a literalist (autistic) will not only speak in a literal way but also process idiomatic expressions used by others in a literal sense. Oftentimes, they have no idea that the expression, statement, or question coming from the non-literalist (neurotypical) even has more than one meaning.

Conversely, a non-literalist (neurotypical) who hears an idiomatic expression for the first time usually picks up on the fact that the words are not expected to be taken at face value, even if they don’t know what the expression means.

A literalist (autistic), however, hearing an idiomatic expression for the first time may hear only a nonsensical combination of words that seem to have no meaning whatsoever.

Hence the blank stare of confusion your autistic student may have in response to something figurative said by you or their neurotypical peer. The non-literalist (neurotypical) is expecting a laugh or a funny rebuttal to their clever wordplay, but their conversation partner simply stares at them in confusion.

For the literalist (autistic), the words are still floating around in a jumble that refuses to form cohesive meaning in their mind, and the panic rises with each second that the silence lingers and the social tension grows.

Meanwhile, in the midst of all that, the autistic student is suddenly yelled at, punished, or corrected while in this state of panic, so they can’t actually absorb anything the teacher is trying to teach them, a meltdown occurs, and they get in trouble for that, too!

It’s traumatizing and completely unnecessary.

Be Aware of Direct and Indirect Communication

In addition to being literal, us autistic folks are often very direct in the way we speak, which can sound rude and abrupt to the neurotypical ear. For example, if a neurotypical student asks an autistic student if they like their new outfit, and the autistic student responds with, “No”, it doesn’t mean the autistic student is trying to be mean, they’re simply taking the question literally and answering it honestly.

Hedging or outright lying about how they feel about the outfit isn’t even a thought in their mind. It’s not that they don’t care or have empathy, either, their brain just works literally, and their honest and direct way of speaking reflects that.

No malice intended.

Explain to Both Children Why Communication Went Wrong

When a social situation goes wrong or someone’s feelings get hurt, that’s your time to step in and mediate from both sides. Part of that mediation effort may be to temporarily separate the students from one another and wait until both have calmed down enough to be receptive to your words.

After that, talk with your autistic student privately, out of earshot of everyone else, and follow this formula:

• Explain what you observed your autistic student say or do.

• Explain why what they said or did is considered wrong.

• Explain what they could try to do next time and why.

• Continue this formula each time there is an incident (but don’t overwhelm the child with more than one ‘big talk’ a day).

Important Note: Remember that some autistic children may have trouble with working memory and short-term memory, so their inability to recall what you’ve taught them even an hour later is not them purposefully messing with you. Be clear, concise, and consistent.

When you’re ready to talk to your neurotypical student, follow this formula:

• Validate their feelings first.

• Explain your autistic student’s intentions, how the communication came across, and the disconnect between the intent and the impact.

• Explain the difference between literal and figurative language (as appropriate for their grade level).

• Explain direct and indirect communication (again, as appropriate for their grade level).

Be sure to continually couch the misunderstanding as a difference in communication, not as though there is something wrong with the way the autistic student communicates.

The Takeaway

When you assume positive intent when social communication goes wrong in your classroom, you approach each situation as an educator instead of a disciplinarian, and this provides a safe space for children of all neurotypes to learn about natural brain variations and communication differences on a level playing field–and that sets them up for a much brighter future!

Looking for more tips on how to best accommodate your autistic students? My colleague, Katherine T. Lorelli, is a former SPED paraprofessional who offers private consultations and mentorship for teachers, paraprofessionals, parents, and students. Click here to book her today!