Person first, teacher second

Tuesday has always been my least favourite day of the week. You'd think it would be Monday, but you know Monday's not going to be great, and you can still reminisce about the lovely weekend you've just had. But not on Tuesday. On Tuesday, you've done a full day of work already, you're tired, you're not even halfway through the week, and any reminiscence is about the previous day, which, of course, was Monday.

But now that 2022 has begun, Tuesday is different. Tuesday is no longer a working day for me. I am officially a part-timer.

This is my sixth year as a primary school teacher. In some ways, I feel like I've let myself down by cutting back my working hours. Then I remember that 1 in 3 teachers in the UK plan to quit within five years of starting their careers and feel a little better. The always-increasing workload, unrealistic expectations, and lack of respect for the profession make the statistic sad, but not surprising. I have had to deal with undeserved angry emails from parents, ever-changing goalposts from the government, the threat of Ofsted looming over our heads. Teaching is a vocation that (for me at least) cannot "just" be a job, it's a lifestyle. If you're not careful, it will take over your whole life.

And that's why I went part-time.

My 2022 New Year's resolution has been planned since October 2021: do more of the things I love. Painting, writing, playing games, practising my keyboard, all these things make me happy, but when I worked all week, I never had the time to do them. Well, if I'm completely honest, I did have the time, but never the energy.

Now I do.

As I type now, it is Tuesday afternoon. Another teacher is teaching in my classroom, marking books, dealing with playground arguments, while I work on this article for a Vocal challenge. I've done a load of washing. I added some detail to a painting I started yesterday. I'm debating going for a run ("debating" being the key word here. It's an easily lost debate when exercise would mean putting on a bra). I may even have a nap if I need one. The day is my own.

For as long as I can remember, my New Year's resolutions have been the same: write more, lose weight, have fewer takeaways, do some regular exercise. But the last two years have been the hardest of our lives for so many people. Instead of trying to change or better myself, I resolve to look after myself and do more of what I enjoy. I resolve to put myself first. I resolve to be a person who is also a teacher, rather than a teacher who is also a person. Perhaps if I do this, I will better myself.

The decision to go part-time was not an easy one, and it was not an impulsive one. Last academic year, I was signed off with anxiety and depression for six weeks. I had regular sessions with a wonderful therapist and discovered I also have obsessive compulsive disorder and a skin-picking disorder. Once I returned to work, I phased back in, building up my timetable until I was back in the classroom full-time. I met with my head regularly (my school were amazingly supportive, for the record) and entered my summer holidays feeling optimistic about a fresh start in September.

It lasted about three weeks.

The beginning of a new school year is always stressful. You've got thirty new children to get to know, thirty sets of parents to win round, as well as all the paperwork and planning. There's always something new to implement, always a new problem that you never had with your old class (don't get me wrong, there are positives of a new class as well!). Throw a pandemic into that mix and it's no wonder teachers are quitting left, right, and centre.

My first meltdown was in week four. I walked into my head's office and asked if we could have a mental health chat. Then I sobbed for twenty minutes. She listened, comforted me, and offered me some extra time out of class to help me feel like I was back on top of things. I was back in her office in tears two weeks later.

At that point, I knew something had to change. I love working with children, but there's so much more to teaching than the best bits. So, I put in a request to go part-time. And it was accepted.

Now, I work Wednesday to Friday, with a regular supply teacher in my class the first two days of the week. This is temporary; my head thought it would be best if I trialled three days before finding a permanent job-share, just in case I didn't like it. I know she's hoping I won't, and that I'll want to go full-time again. Well, you never know.

So here I am. Four days off a week instead of two. Sundays are my own again. I can sleep in on a Monday. I can go to the shops on a Tuesday. It'll take some adjustment, and I don't know if my "absent teacher guilt" will stop any time soon, but my New Year's resolution is well underway.

It took a long time to get to this point, but I'm slowly starting to realise that prioritising yourself is not selfishness, it's self-care. So, rest. Paint. Write. Dance. Whatever you do in 2022, put yourself first.

You deserve it.