Neuroscience and resilience: How the brain learns to rise after falling

There is a growing trend to shield children from any kind of discomfort. But is it possible to grow emotionally without experiencing pain? Are we, unintentionally, preparing our children for a life that doesn’t exist?

Life is not easy. There are difficult processes they will have to face: illness, grief, uncertainty… And if we haven’t prepared them emotionally for these challenges, how will they stay grounded when the earth shakes beneath them?

I lost my father when I was six years old. It wasn’t something I got over, but something I learned to integrate, to live with. I’ve had to face it, accept it, and recognize that “getting over it” is not part of the process. The wound transforms, but it does not disappear.

Our brain is in constant evolution. Brain plasticity allows our nervous system to adapt, reorganize, and create new neural connections in response to every challenge. Every time a child goes through a difficulty and is supported through it, their prefrontal cortex—the area responsible for emotional regulation, decision-making, and planning—is strengthened. We are giving them the chance to build inner resources, to improve their emotional tolerance. And this cannot be achieved through avoidance, but through lived and supported experiences.

The amygdala is a key brain structure in detecting danger and managing fear. When we constantly overprotect, we send the brain the message that any discomfort is a real threat. However, when we expose children gradually, safely, and respectfully to small frustrations or challenges, we help them regulate their fear response. It’s not about forcing—it’s about supporting the emotional learning process that involves tolerating discomfort without becoming overwhelmed.

Resilience is not built in isolation. Numerous studies in affective neuroscience and developmental psychology confirm that having at least one significant figure who is present, empathetic, and nonjudgmental is a key protective factor. A secure attachment helps children face difficulties without collapsing. Knowing we are not alone in our pain gives us the strength to keep going.

In many educational and family environments, mistakes are still seen as something negative. However, resilience grows when we are allowed to fail, reflect, and try again. Constant correction, error avoidance, or anticipating every difficulty limits deep learning. When a child makes a mistake and has the space to understand what happened, they grow stronger from within. They learn that making a mistake does not define them—it gives them the opportunity to learn.

Teaching resilience doesn’t mean hardening children or ignoring their suffering. It means creating spaces where pain is not an enemy, but a teacher. It means trusting in the brain’s capacity to adapt, heal, and learn. And above all, it means being present and human through each of those processes.

When we prevent children from experiencing frustrations, small losses, or everyday mistakes, we are not protecting them—we are weakening them. The intention may be good, but the result is a generation less tolerant of discomfort, with more anxiety, more fear, and more emotional disconnection.

We cannot shield them from life, but we can teach them to walk through it with inner tools. Educating in resilience means shifting paradigms. It’s not about preventing suffering, but about being present when it happens. Validating, listening, not minimizing their pain. And showing them by example that it’s possible to feel sadness, anger, or fear… and still move forward.

Today, I look back and understand that the little girl I was didn’t need to be protected from pain—she needed to be supported with presence and truth. That’s why, as a mother, as an educator, as a human being, I choose to raise children consciously: to teach them that life isn’t always fair, but it can help us grow—with strength and sensitivity.