Moms Are (Not) the Best Teachers

It is a common belief that parents make the best teachers. Acknowledged for the fact that the virtues of care, love, and dedication are what parents provide to their children. This belief, as I'm about to argue here, is deeply rooted mostly in the idealized concept of motherhood, seen as a selfless act and as an embodiment of nurturing.

However, the argument that parents are the best teachers is fraught with complexities and pitfalls. In this essay, I will attempt to challenge this conventional thought by examining how motherhood and teaching are roles that, though valued, differ greatly. Moreover, mothers can fall victim to societal forces that put them in an unfair position to protect their offspring.

Throughout history, women have been traditionally associated with caregiving, nurturing, and teaching. Educating children, especially at the elementary and secondary school levels, has long been viewed as an extension of these roles. Women were often expected to be the primary caregivers and teachers within the family unit, and this societal expectation naturally extended to the profession of educator. Sometimes, the latter is conceived as a way for those who have not yet become biological mothers to "fulfill their natural role" in society.

Motherhood, just like teaching, is thus quite often pictured as a valued and sacred role in Western culture, rooted in the self-denying act of love and care. Still, it is equally devalued because it emanates from the heart. Being a pedagogue is seen as a vocation, a call preceding our very existence, and is not or should not be associated with monetary compensation.

Silvia Federici, a prominent feminist thinker, aptly points out that capitalism has both invented and undermined the female role in society. Federici's work, "Wages Against Housework," challenges the romanticized notion of motherhood by highlighting the invisible and unpaid labor that women contribute to households, society, and, most importantly,  the capitalist machine. I think we can add a bit more nuance to this.

How come parents  and, in most cases, mothers  believe they know better than their children's teachers? The point is that it is not the individual's responsibility to assume more than one role to fix what's broken. How come I see predominantly mothers (in all honesty, in my almost 10-year-long experience as a teacher, I can recall only instances of moms) who make demands and who do not sleep at night to come up with "solutions" for the dysfunctional educational system?

Because capitalism assigned them this role. Because education is care, which means that it holds the "cure" (Erickson, 2015:146). And since society has resigned as the sole provider of care, then it is up to the individual. And not just any individual, it must be a mother's job, right?

"This ideology that opposes the family (or the community) to the factory, the personal to the social, the private to the public, productive to unproductive work, is functional to our enslavement to the home, which, in the absence of a wage, has always appeared as an act of love. The said doctrine is deeply rooted in the capitalist division of labor and finds one of its clearest expressions in the organization of the nuclear family."

(Federici, 2020:38)

Mothers have not gone insane overnight. They are trapped in a system that expects them to guarantee their children's success, which puts a great deal of pressure on them to be "the best teachers." This competition urges them to "teach" their three-year-olds mathematics and the alphabet. To prioritize developing academic knowledge over social and emotional skills.

Besides, teaching is often seen as an attractive profession due to the perceived advantages it offers. Such as, for example, having summers off and a schedule that aligns with children's school hours. It provides a level of flexibility that enables mothers to balance their responsibilities and their earning potential. Although, it is important to note that these benefits do not automatically make parents the best educators for their children.

Instead, they highlight the systemic challenges that mothers encounter and how teaching can be a potential solution to address these challenges.

When contemplating the supposed perks of a teaching career, it's crucial to consider who is responsible for populating the field predominantly with women and the underlying reasons for this. Was the intent to feminize the profession justified, driven by the same considerations that make it an appealing option today?

Despite all the structural problems, the pressure on mothers to fix the dysfunctional educational system reveals a systemic bias. Society has assigned the roles of educator and problem-solver to women, perpetuating patriarchal norms. This expectation undermines the collective effort needed to improve education.

The responsibility of addressing these issues should not fall solely on individuals, particularly mothers. They are largely economically pressured, and that causes them to have no other option but to enter the "competitions" for the best mother and the most advanced for their age child. The message society gives them is that it is never a bad time to start giving a kid the skills and traits that will ensure their productivity and success in the global economy.

For middle-class parents, the idea that wealth is a short distance away blinds them even more. So much so that they are trampling over the bodies of working-class children who will never be able to leave the neighborhood. In doing so, they may inadvertently overlook the impact their actions have on less privileged children.

This competition and obsession with wealth can lead to a lack of cooperation among families, teachers, and administrators. Giving children every advantage can be linked to the increasing economic stratification within society.

Overall, the belief that parents are 'the best' teachers is rooted in a complex web of societal expectations and systemic challenges. Motherhood and teaching, while both honored for their virtues and undervalued because they are simply roles women can hardly escape from, are indeed two very different things.

Instead of perpetuating the myth that parents are the best teachers, it is crucial to recognize that the education system and the well-being of children are collective responsibilities. A more equitable and supportive society should strive to provide quality education for all children rather than placing the entire burden on mothers, who are already navigating multiple roles and are part of an inhumane race that asks them to claw their way up the ladder of success.

The question is, can we gain collective consciousness and fight this together, or are we going to replicate the same ferocious world for our children?

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Bibliography

Erickson, M. - Class War: The Privatization of Childhood. Verso (2015);

Federici, S. - Revolution At Point Zero: Housework, Reproduction, and Feminist Struggle. PM Press (2020).