Learning A New Skill as a Grown Up

I turned 40 earlier this year. Old yet?

At the age of 40, my mother already had someone, her nephew's son, who called her "grandma". My mother used to say it made her feel so old then.

But that happened in rural Vietnam a good 30 years ago.

In the little Dutch village where I have lived for the last five years, I see a lot of sixty-something retirees cycling around on road bikes, still full of energy. So, even with all the kids rollerblading around, 40 doesn't seem old.

I stay active physically. I swim, run, and practice yoga. I also do resistance training (almost) daily to maintain my muscles. I feel fine mostly.

But I do find it harder to actively learn new things. Is it the lack of motivation?

Though I have heard many times about how picking up a new skill or learning a new language helps to slow down the ageing of the brain, that seems too far removed to become the motivation.

I do wish I could find what ticks at this age, though.

My son will turn 7 next week. He started at the local primary school the day after his 4th birthday. And in the last 3 years, I have seen him learn many new things, including the Dutch language. His teachers would say he speaks and reads just like any other Dutch kid his age, even if he had only a smattering of Dutch when he first started this school. My Dutch is too limited to appreciate my son's fluency in the language. Still, I have noticed more and more looks of surprise each time he switched from Dutch to English in a playground.

So, in three years, he has achieved something that I have failed miserably in the last 10 years (and not without serious attempts).

Is it true that learning is only for the young?

Of course, it is not. But it certainly seems easier for school-aged kids.

Care and work demands aside, what are other things that make it harder for grown-ups (like me) to learn a new skill?

I would say the lack of "must".

I understand necessity as a motivation, looking back at learning to swim the second time.

I kind of knew how to swim the standard stroke. Open arms. Kick hard with the legs. Join. And repeat.

But a year ago, I started to have panic attacks in the pool. My mood would swing from elevated worrying to outright terrifying whenever my son and I moved further into the deeper end of the kiddie pool.

It stemmed from a near-drowning incident when I was 17. I still vividly remember being dragged away from the sandy shore by the stormy waves. First, a lot of salty water over my face. The seeming fruitfulness of any attempt to swim back to shore. Then, the sudden quietness where the only thought was how my parents would cope after I'd gone. (Well, I wasn't at all close to death as it sounds, but I must have had the melodramatic tendency of a 17-year-old).

So as my son became older and more advanced in his swimming, I needed to go further out. With that increased my anxiety. Eventually, I decided to learn to swim with professionals and, more importantly, strangers.

Like I said earlier, I kind of knew how to swim.

When I first moved to the Netherlands, with all its canals and below-the-sea-level cities, my then-boyfriend (and now husband) thought it was high time I knew how to swim. So he taught me.

Ian is a good swimmer and a better teacher. So I picked up leisure swimming in city pools. We sought all the best pools in our travels and had many nice soaks. I did length after length as Ian went under the water and popped up somewhere not so far from me. I knew he would have my back. He is like the lifeguard who pulled me back from the claws of the tropic waves, yet one who was always by my side in the tranquil swimming pools. So I was always fine in the water with him.

But then, we had a baby. Life's changed. It's become impossible to do things together at all times. And I would find myself out with the little one alone more often than not.

And being the responsible adult in the water, I suddenly felt I wasn't good enough. So I had to get better. Neccessity!

After 8 months (with many weeks off because of work and care demands), I am now much more confident being alone in the deep water. I've learned a new skill.

And there we have it: I needed to, so I've learned. At the age of 40.