How to Talk Like a Pro When You Don’t Understand

It works every time.

I’ve engaged over 100 stakeholders from different fields and cultures.

I changed my career three times. Each transition brought new jargon that I couldn’t catch up fast enough. It’s even harder to interact with stakeholders from different teams because they all have their jargon.

Master this skill now and speak like a pro.

How I Discovered Paraphrasing

I paraphrased out of necessity when I first came to the states as a poor international student.

Quickly I learned that I didn’t understand the cultural side of the language. It was hard to develop friendships with the locals.

If I didn’t understand their answers, I’d repeat what they said to gauge their reactions. As my English matured, I started adding my own words into the mix.

Now I’ve become skilled at adjusting my speech style to match my audiences’.

A Visual Example of How Paraphrasing Works

There are people on both sides of the bridge. Paraphrasing has 3 levels.

The first level is to just wave back at the people on the other side of the bridge. You repeat what they say. Learn how to do this right from this article.

The second level is to meet them in the middle of the bridge. You add your own words into the mix. Once you get the first one, read this.

The last level is to cross the bridge and visit them on the other side. You use their words in the conversation.

Now we’re getting into this.

Paraphrasing For Experts

Let’s take it to the highest level. This is like Goku going Super Saiyan.

Use their words when you paraphrase. You need to spend some time together to observe what they like to say or care about in life.

Nowadays, remote work is a norm. You can look people up on LinkedIn before meeting them. People write like how they think.

I’m a direct talker. Corporate jargon isn’t my strength. I have to use that when talking to stakeholders that only speak in that style.

In this example, at first you struggle a bit because you’re trying to figure out their speech style. They’ll respond well when you start using their words.

Stakeholder Charles: “We’re going full speed ahead with our integration plans and digital transformation. This is an exciting time for us. I’d like all of us to wear multiple hats, and you’ll be an essential part of this. Our goal this quarter is to integrate all our systems.”

At this time, you have no idea what integration plans are and what digital transformation means exactly in this context. What exactly do you need to do to deliver? Use what you’ve learned. First, repeat the part you hear.

You: “I see. We’re going at full speed with the integration plans and transformation. Thank you for sharing the goal for this quarter. I’d like to be part of it. How can we contribute to our goal by wearing multiple hats?”

Say what you hear first to show that you’re listening and then dig deeper. Don’t jump straight to the questions.

Stakeholder Charles: “We need to integrate systems fast because our contractors need to be fully engaged. We’d like to be as efficient as possible. The CFO is excited to see our progress this quarter.”

You need more information. Continue to probe.

You: “You’d like us to work as fast and efficiently as possible so the CFO can see we achieve our goal this quarter. So how can we be part of it?”

Stakeholder Charles:”I imagine we start gathering tech requirements from various stakeholders and start the integrations and digital transformation.”

Now you’re still not clear what to do yet. Then you remember Charles likes the phrase “economies of scale”. To get him to explain what he wants you to do, you’ll use that phrase.

You have two options:

1) You can keep using your own words to get both of you on the same page.

2) You can make him feel like you’re on his team by speaking like a pro.

I’ll show examples side by side so you can see the difference.

You (using your own words): “You’d like us to work as fast as possible with minimal staff. The contractor is quite expensive, and the CFO wants us to be careful with the cost.”

Now you get it. However, it sounds like you’re just talking. You aren’t part of his team.

You (using his words): “You’d like to achieve economies of scale in our digital transformation journey.”

Journey is another word he loves from what you know about him.

Stakeholder Charles: ”Yes! I’d like us to be efficient teams and start working on it. I can see a team of 3–4 people on each of our source systems. We can do daily stand-up with our contractors. Talk to Peter and Allen to get feedback on our system’s specifications. They’ve been working with the contractors already. You can learn from what they do and apply it to your respective source systems.”

People open up more when you use their words. It gets them talking, which is what you want so you can better understand them.

You (using your words): “Ok, I can talk to Peter and Allen to see how they work with the contractors and do that for my team.”

You (using his words): “You’d like us to work in small teams and be as agile as possible. Learn from Peter and Allen.”

Agile is another of his favorite words.

Charles is excited by what you say because you match his speech pattern. It’s easy for him to respond to you. You’d get to the bottom of the conversation if you were going with your own words. However, he’d respond to you, just not fondly.

It takes time to understand and observe this level of paraphrasing. You know when you hit the right cord when people get more and more excited as they talk.

It’s not enough to just get the ideas across. You need to make them feel they’re heard and understood in their own worlds.

Back to the Visual Example of the Bridge

Repeating what they say is just to wave back at them. Using your own words is like meeting them in the middle of the bridge. The last level I just showed here allows you to cross the bridge and visit their hometowns.

I always love when people don’t mince their words and just say what they think. You can imagine how well I respond to outspoken people. The same goes for your stakeholders.

Master paraphrasing, and you’ll talk like a pro in no time!

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