How to Stop Being a Teacher

"You can't". (Or it certainly seems that way.) If you are a teacher, you teach for life, whether you have a certificate or not, teach in a classroom or not, are retired or not...

Why is this? It's because teaching is not a career, it is a life passion, a mental state of being.

Of all the wonderful colleagues I have had the pleasure of working with, I have yet to meet one that doesn't dedicate every second of their life (and thoughts) to their students and coworkers.

Even with a two year break from teaching (thank you pandemic) to take care of my newborn, I can't help but to take the free online teacher classes, read the NEA updates, and actively read openings for any school in an hour radius.

That being said, great teachers have these beautiful magnificent gifts that can turn a little ugly outside the classroom...

1. The Over Explainer

"I was thinking we could decorate the living room like old style Christmas."

"Sounds good babe."

"You know like the little houses with lights and fake snow and snow globes and old fashioned looking Santa."

"Yeah, yeah, I like that."

"Like maybe big lights, like they used to use. I would get tinsel but the babies can't have tinsel in here."

"Uh huh..."

"But wait, what would the rest of the house look like. It might be silly if just one room is old fashioned and the rest doesn't match."

"..."

"Or we could just spread it out around the house, I don't know, we'll just see what happens. No big deal."

"........."

By this time, hubby is just staring at me with a smile and waiting for my brain to run out of juice.

As a teacher, we have this tendency to explain, and then explain again... and then one more time for the kids who weren't listening, oh you need a visual, here I'll explain it again, wait I have a story to help, do you need me to explain the story?

While this is a miraculous gift in the classroom that will ensure your students brains can grasp and evolve with your lessons throughout the year, outside of the classroom, not so much.

Somehow we turn into that person who converses too much in the grocery store, the lady who is a little too open, a little too nice, a little too forthcoming.

When you live in the bubble of a classroom for the majority of your day, it is seemingly impossible to shut off that little voice that wants to make sure everyone in listening distance clearly understands whatever information you are trying to pass on.

In order to keep myself from becoming this fountain of wisdom that no one wants to listen to (or even asked for), I try to remember to ask myself BEFORE I start explaining "What do I specifically want to say?"; and then, no matter what happens, I say it once and stop.

Is it difficult? Holy hell yes.

I never realized how MUCH I actually say until I started doing this. It has saved my husbands and children's ears quite often and I'm sure they appreciate when I remember to do it.

2. The Problem Solver

I am not a good listener. I am very clear about this to my students. It is much easier for me to read what a student has written, than to hear it out loud. Most times I can glance at a paper and read the majority of it in a few seconds. Because of this, I say I am a bad listener.

What I really mean is, I am a much better see-er than listener.

What does this have to do with being a problem solver?

Teachers are very honest about their strengths and weaknesses. We really don't have a choice. There is no faking in front of large groups of children. They are the most honest creatures on the earth.

That being said, I know my listening skills fail in comparison to my other senses. In the classroom, I get an A for understanding this.

Outside the classroom, I turn into a seemingly heartless, problem solving machine.

I have no issue listening to someone cry their heart out to me. Tell me your problems, tell me your life pains, tell me your wish-I-could-haves.

In my head, however, as much as I want to just put my hand on your back and say its okay, my never ending always cycling brain is moving a thousand miles ahead of your words and coming up with multiple solutions for every issue in your life.

Before I have a chance to even think about what a person wants, I immediately diagnose them with what they need and at least five ways to fix each problem.

This usually results in a faked smile and unsure thank you. Did she even care how I felt?

When in reality I care so much that my problem solving (in my head) is showing you I care. This, of course, is when that voice that waits to speak up until it is too late whispers, "You're not in the classroom dealing with students right now..."

For my teacher friends who need help in this arena, this is one of those moments where an answer is actually NOT the answer.

3. The Caretaker

Out of supplies? Don't worry, I'll use the part of my paycheck I needed to get rid of this raggedy shoes and get you supplies instead!

Need a book to read? I'll grab a few from the library that I think you will like before I go home tonight!

Need a new seating arrangement? Sure, I'll stay a few hours after school and rearrange the class to fit your needs.

Need a special assignment that you understand better? Sure let me type up a different version for you.

Don't have food at home? Hang on, let me pack you some snacks before you leave.

Need a jacket? Take my old sweatshirt, just promise to bring it back!

Someone bullied you today? Let's sit on the floor together and talk about it until you feel better.

Couldn't do your homework because you were watching your siblings? It's okay, email me tonight with whatever you got so I can help.

Just want to be around someone who cares? Sure, you can sit with me during my lunch break and watch a movie while I grade papers and eat.

This is only a few of the many things I have done in my 7 years teaching. We are the most self sufficient, self-helping, self- anything career that I am aware of.

If you do not stop us from giving and giving and giving, we will do it until we have nothing left to give and are laying exhausted and spent on the ground... silently, not complaining... and then get up and do it again.

In the words of my husband.

STOP!

Take a day, 2 days, 5 days, whatever it takes, and find yourself again!

Guilt is NOT part of this job. If you are feeling it, you need a break.

It was about a year and half out of teaching when the realization of how much work I did and how much responsibility was on my shoulders finally hit me.

A year and a half. And now I feel ready to get back in the classroom. (Excited even! I'm ready to give all my pandemic worn out teacher friends a break that you so direly deserve!)

4. The Analyzer

Well, I could go to the store, then get gas, then drive over to the post office and drop off trash on the way home... What if the kids are bored by the post office? I could do trash, post office, then get gas and do the store last. Wait, do I need to stop at the store? Maybe I can do the trash tomorrow. No no, this is silly, I'm doing mailbox, trash, store, post office, then gas last... yes.. wait...

Or when the over analyzing gets really bad...

"You need anything babe?"

"No, I'm good" (goes back to reading news on phone).

"What's wrong, is something wrong?" ... Nope. Just reading.

Five minutes pass. He sighs. Why is he sighing? Is he upset about something? Maybe he just needs something to eat or drink.

"Want a drink."

"Uh... sure?"

"What do you want?"

"Babe..." Now I'm getting the holy crap chill out look, "I don't want anything."

In a classroom of 30-35 kids, super hero teacher! I could repeat myself a hundred times and still need it repeated again. Every student always needs something!

At home with one husband... I become the endless analyzing worrier.

When we leave the classroom, with our brains moving a thousand miles an hour in literally all necessary directions, the thirty minute drive home is just not enough to slow down to a normally functioning pace.

Inevitably, I end up the nagging worrier, or the mumbling cooking mom hustling around the kitchen finding too many things to do.

If only our families could see us in action in a classroom!

That being said, our families just want us. The mom. The love. The peace we bring. The fun we bring. The creativity we excel at.

This has been a tough one for me, but I just keep my mouth shut until my brain can finish its marathon, or at least slow down to normal human speed.

Because we are taught to specifically focus on all the little pieces that build up to one big idea, we often get caught in the climb and miss that ending point when we are not in the classroom.

In the classroom, breaking down into small understandable pieces = amazing clarity and superb scaffolding skills.

Outside the classroom breaking down into small pieces and explaining those pieces = Are you even listening to me? That is not the point of what I'm trying to say.

We are so used to deconstructing the brain and thought process that we literally have to reverse our thought process to function in conversations with adults.

Hence, a lot of teachers who feel way more comfortable with hundreds of kids than with groups of adults.

Hang in there, with practice it gets easier!

5. The Self-Critic

Perhaps the most useful tool as a teacher is being your own critic. It allows you to evolve lessons into pieces of art that get students excited to learn. (Yes, this does actually happen!)

Most of us are so good at being our own critic that the lesson we started with in period one, will have turned into a totally awesome way different lesson by period six.

Perhaps the worst habit a teacher picks up is being their own critic.

I could've showed them this skill first.

This story would have been the perfect introductory lesson.

This activity would've gotten them more involved.

You could've done this.

You should've noticed that.

Why didn't I do this?

Why didn't I say that?

When we leave the classroom it evolves into...

Why didn't I get dinner ready on time?

I should've spent more time with the kids.

I should've graded more papers.

I forgot to make the baby bottle.

This house needs cleaned.

I need to spend more time with my kids.

Why didn't I sleep more?

Why didn't I get more work done?

I'm going to stop now because the teachers who are currently working this pandemic probably want to throw up from reading that list.

Getting pulled in seven directions at once and feeling guilty for not stretching thin enough to be a super human parent and teacher and individual and somehow manage everything actually makes us feel like we are not doing enough.

In reality we do way too much.

Oh, the oxymoron-ish life of a teacher.

In closing...

We have all felt this way at one point or another in our teaching careers. Some of us have figured out the balance.

Others, like me, did the wild rock back and forth every day and night praying that something would settle eventually, but then smiling and being as peppy as I could for my students. Internally a tsunami just crashing back and forth.

You deserve a break. (Right now if you are that exhausted.) The students will most definitely be fine, the principal will most definitely be fine, the school district will most definitely be fine, if you take 24 hours, even 48 hours to yourself.

Mental health days are a real reason to take a day off. It was my cited reason MANY times when I was teaching and it never got questioned.

I don't feel like getting out of bed days, are real reasons to take off. If you are so mentally strained that getting out of bed is tough, take a day off. Your health is suffering, don't ignore it.

My kids miss the hell out of me days, are real reasons to take off. Your kids need you in a way that is irreplaceable. Your students will understand.

Here is a toast, to all the teachers in this life. You are amazing, creative, caring, beautiful blessings on this earth. May you feel seen, heard, and cared for always.