How to master the correct skills of boasting children?

Carol Dweck, a professor of psychology at Stanford University, once said: Praising a child's talents instead of his efforts, strategies and choices will slowly kill his growth mindset.

When it comes to criticizing their children's shortcomings, some parents can find ten thousand different kinds of rhetoric, but when it comes to praise and encouragement, some parents are always at a loss for words.

Common praise sentences are "You are so good", "You are so good", "You are so smart", there is nothing wrong with these words, but if you hear the same words too much, children will feel perfunctory and feel that their parents are not real praise.

Although it is a boast, we must also pay attention to the method and method, so that the children know the praise and encouragement of the parents sincerely.

Let’s talk about the principle of praise today: How to master the correct skills of complimenting children?

1. Emphasis on the process rather than the result

Whatever the outcome, don't overemphasize it with your child.

The child will continue to grow, the most important thing is to help him build self-confidence, so that he has the confidence to continue to do it, and the result will develop in a good direction.

For example, if your child gets a high score in a test, you tell the child: "Such a high score in the test is amazing."

Children will think that I am good only if I get a high score in the test, and if I fail in the test, I will be bad.

But if you tell your child: "I saw that you have been studying very hard recently, and the teacher said that you are very active in answering questions, no wonder you did so well in the test."

Children will realize that studying hard is useful, that their efforts are rewarding, and they will continue to be motivated to do so next time.

2. Affirm the child's efforts

Many parents are always emphasizing achievements with their children, but never praise their children's efforts.

They feel that children cannot boast, and they are afraid that children will float away if they praise.

If the child gets a good grade in the test, he simply says "the test is okay". If the test is not good, it is all kinds of reflection and review, so that the child admits that he is not working hard enough for a certain classmate.

In fact, sometimes children do not work hard, but learning is too difficult for them, or they have not yet found a suitable learning method for them, and they work as hard as the top few children.

At this time, if parents only look at the grades and ignore their efforts, the children will easily become tired of studying.

Directly put it badly: "Anyway, I can't do it well if I try hard, so I just don't do it."

How can I get my child to face difficulties?

Affirm his hard work and tell him that although you didn't get a high score in the test, I see that you have worked very hard and worked hard in your studies recently, which is very rare.

After children are praised, they are very willing to challenge and break through themselves.

3. Use specific descriptions

Praises such as "you are great" and "you are amazing" are too broad, and they can be used on any child and any thing, and the child will become numb after hearing too much.

Many parents praise their children for not knowing how to say it, and always feel that they don't have enough vocabulary.

In fact, you only need to start from the "specific" to praise your child. You can try to describe the specific things your child has done, and find out what you think is a good thing to express.

For example, if your child wakes up early and goes to bed early, and submits homework on time, you can say: "I know you will arrange the time to go to bed and wake up, set the alarm clock, and put all the homework in the school bag."

This specific description is very real and convincing, and forms a positive feedback: "I can arrange my own time."

4. Look for the good in the negative

When a child makes a mistake or fails to do something well, don't rush to criticize it, look for it to see if there is anything good about it, and use positive praise to guide the child to strengthen positive behavior.

For example, when a child makes a mess of graffiti on the walls at home, you can tell him: "This painting is very good and very conscious. I will buy you special drawing paper next time."

Or, if he watched the animation for 30 minutes, you can tell him: "You said you only watched it for half an hour a day, but you really only watched it for half an hour a day. You are very punctual."

The famous Rosenthal effect shows that people will move in the direction they expect. In whatever direction you want your child to develop, you should find out his advantages in this aspect and continuously strengthen it.