Healing Isn’t Linear — And That’s Okay

Healing looks different than I expected.

I used to think healing was a straight path — like climbing a staircase.
You go up, one step at a time, until you reach the top.
Until you’re fixed.
Until nothing hurts anymore.

But now I know better.

Healing is not a line.
It’s a spiral. A maze. A loop. A dance of progress and pain.
Some days you leap forward.
Other days, you fall back.

And that doesn’t mean you’ve failed.
It just means you’re human.

The Beginning: Where It All Fell Apart
For me, healing didn’t begin with yoga or journaling.
It began with collapse. With not being okay anymore.

I hit a point where pretending became too heavy.
My chest always tight, my head noisy, my sleep broken, my joy numb.
I kept pushing through — because that’s what I thought strength meant.

But one day, I couldn’t fake it anymore.
I broke.
And in that breaking, I whispered to myself something I hadn’t dared say before:

“I need help.”

That whisper became my first step toward healing.

The Instagram Illusion
I thought healing would feel like the stories I saw online:
Soft lighting, warm tea, handwritten affirmations, peaceful faces.

And yes, sometimes it looked like that.
But more often, it looked like:

Crying in the shower

Questioning everything

Going quiet for days

Feeling like you’re failing even when you’re growing

Healing didn’t look pretty.
It looked real.
And that was enough.

The Setbacks That Made Me Think I Wasn’t Healing
There were days I thought I was back to square one.

Days when I overreacted.
When I spiraled into old thought loops.
When I ghosted people.
When I felt nothing was working.

I remember one day, weeks into therapy and self-work, I had a massive panic attack — the worst I’d had in months.
I cried afterward, not because of the panic, but because I was ashamed.

“I thought I was past this,” I said to myself.

But healing doesn’t work that way.

Progress Isn’t Always Obvious
Here’s what I learned:

Even on the days I fell apart, I was healing.

Why?

Because this time…

I didn’t numb it — I sat with it

I didn’t run — I reached out

I didn’t pretend — I felt it

That is progress.
Not perfection — awareness.

Every time you show up for yourself when it’s hard, you are healing — even if it doesn’t look like it.

What Actually Helped Me
It wasn’t one big thing.
It was small, consistent, often boring things:

Drinking more water

Moving my body — not to look better, but to feel

Unfollowing people who triggered insecurity

Saying “no” even when it felt uncomfortable

Writing down my thoughts before they consumed me

Watching the sunset

Letting myself rest — without earning it first

These little things added up.
They built something inside me: trust.
Trust that I could carry myself — even through chaos.

The Hardest Part of Healing? Grace.
We’re taught to hustle through pain.
To fix ourselves. To be strong. To “get over it.”

But healing isn’t about erasing the pain.
It’s about learning to hold it without letting it define you.

The hardest thing I’ve done is give myself grace on the days I didn’t “do it right.”

To say:

“Even though today was hard… I still love you.”

To myself.

Where I Am Now
I’m not “healed.”
But I’m healing.

Some wounds I thought would always hurt — now feel like memories.
Others still ache now and then.

But I don’t run from them anymore.

I meet them with softer eyes.
With breath.
With the knowing that I am not broken — I am becoming.

What I Want You to Know
If you’re reading this and feel like you’re going in circles…
If you’re tired of “starting over”...
If you feel like you should be further ahead…

Please hear this:

You are not behind.
You are not doing it wrong.
You are not weak for struggling.
And you are not alone.

Healing isn’t about being perfect.
It’s about being present.

With your pain.
With your progress.
With your messy, miraculous journey.

You don’t have to rush.
You just have to keep walking — even if you pause a hundred times.

Final Words
You’re healing — even if it doesn’t look like what you expected.
Even if you cry. Even if you’re quiet. Even if you fall down sometimes.

Because healing isn’t a destination.
It’s a lifelong return to yourself.

And that is more than enough.