Find the mother's temperature

When I saw them on the train, I wondered if, in another twenty years, they would stand together, facing the loneliness of losing their women, and time would slowly review them, would there be more sadness than them?

They are a family of three, not much sense of the vicissitudes of the father, with a young face of the son, is still in the baby Suckling the 4-month grandson. I had just stepped into Sleeper car 11 when I noticed them. To be precise, it was the unbridled cry of the baby that attracted my attention, and then the two big men were in a hurry to coax and persuade, and the clumsiness revealed a helplessness and sadness that was peeped to the scar.

Carrying a large suitcase, I carefully said sorry to them standing between the two beds. My father was so absorbed in patting his grandson's body and humming a song without lyrics that he did not notice that I had stood behind him for a moment. But when the son turned around and saw me, he immediately lost his courtesy, hurriedly asked his father to give way, and apologized to me with a nod to help me put my luggage under the bed.

It was a long distance train from Wenzhou to the north of the north, they came from Shanghai, before me, had already taken seven or eight hours by car. They arrived at the station early from the Shanghai countryside at about one o 'clock in the morning, and stood like a lonely weed or a tree among people who had nothing to say to each other in the cold wet night, waiting for the train to come and praying anxiously, as I did, for a berth ticket. And the little grandson, who has never taken a train out of the country, pursed his mouth in a coma, and from time to time made sucking action, as if he was missing the momentary sweetness of drinking milk in his mother's arms.

I got up early to catch the train, the upper eyelid was still reluctant to part from time to time to the lower eyelid, I quickly climbed up to the middle bunk, want to sleep a return cage sleep. But every time you want to go to sleep, you are woken by the baby's reckless crying. After so many times, I finally gave up hope that I could have a little dream. I sat up, somewhat disturbed, and glanced at my son, who was holding the baby. He just raised his head and collided with my sight. His face immediately showed the small-town humility and guilt, and apologized to me: I'm really sorry, children always cry, disturb your rest.

I looked at his arms obviously some malnourished children, crying unrelentingly, the heart will have a slight soft, ask him, you are going to where? The son gently shook the baby in his arms, Zipped his lips and smiled, Shanxi. After a pause, he added, to find the baby's mother.

I gently oh, tentatively asked, she work in Shanxi? The son looked down at the baby who seemed to be going to sleep and shook his head, saying that it was her hometown. I saw a moment of sadness in his eyes, and I surmised that perhaps he had quarreled with the mother of the child, or that a young mother like himself was not ready to raise a child, and was afraid and fled home thousands of miles away, or that from the beginning, she was not satisfied with the husband who seemed to have no future and no "money", and she and him, It was just a casual meeting at work, a little spark at a special moment, and the child was born in a confused way. But the emotion of such a journey, as fragile as a straw in the water, is only a small circle of ripples, will sweep it away. So she quickly abandoned him, did not even miss the child who was still nursing, and went home with indifference.

The idea that this is not too far from the real story makes me feel sorry for these two men who spend 30 hours on a train trying to get their women back. In particular, this baby who craved a pair of soft breasts. I asked my father softly, this is the child's first time out? His father often took him to Puxi before, but it was all by car, and the train was the first time to sit, so he was not used to it, and he always cried all the way, and even occasionally humped in his sleep.

I was suddenly a little sad for this child who was only born four months ago and often can't find his mother. He doesn't know about the adult world, but just wants to find a warmer breast than a pacifier, or a pair of loving eyes. And when he lies in his father's rough arms, in the turbulence of a car or a ship, and is used as a weight to plead with a woman, the background color of his life shows the desolation and sorrow of life.

I am just a passer-by who passes through their embarrassing life, can not give them any help, but will hurt their sensitive heart because of the gossip probe. All I can do is sit with them, watching them for a child, fumbling to milk powder, squeezing sweet oranges, making faces, humming songs...

When the train arrived in Datong, Shanxi Province, it was close to dusk, but there was no one to meet them, and they will hold the only baby who can be changed back to the mother's heart, and sit for more than 3 hours by car to arrive in the town they hope.

I hope this long walk will lead them to a faint flame. Just hope.

My younger brother was the same age as me when he first came to Beijing to study at university. In the eyes of parents, 17 years old, is just a child, and has not been out of the county even the train has not seen the rural youth. Mother called me and said that you should come back to pick him up, it is really worried, such a big Beijing, lost how to do? I think of so many years, a person through the road, very firmly refused to drop. I said what is not assured, a boy, even the road can not walk, what is the use of entering the university? !

My brother was very unhappy with my ruthlessness, but my parents were illiterate and could only rely on themselves. I could imagine how difficult it was for him to take a train from the county to the city and then not know where to buy a ticket at a strange railway station, but I only told him that "there is a mouth under the nose" and hung up the phone. It was the train at 12 o 'clock at night, afraid that someone would rob the bag in the dark, his mother sent him to the station five hours in advance. He was carrying bags and bags alone, sitting in the waiting room of the railway station until the lights outside were dimmed, and finally he could not help but call me. I listened to my brother over there almost in a tearful tone, referring to the several small thugs who always revolve around him, and asked: What is the police at the station? ! You're disturbing my sleep so late. I'll see you at the station tomorrow. My brother also loudly threw me a sentence: the station does not need you to pick up, do not beg you! And I said, okay, I happen to be busy, so I'll see you at the university. I held up the phone, heard the noisy voice over there, my brother cried in a low voice, there was a moment of love, but think of a few years ago that everywhere hit the wall and everywhere to find their own, or hold back, gently hung up the phone.

The younger brother was a shy boy who was not verbal and spoke Mandarin so poorly that he could tell by glancing at his eyes that he was a teenager from the countryside. Should also like I did at the beginning, do not know how to use honorifics, ask for directions are annoyed. He was alone on the train, did not know the toilet, and was afraid to drink water. Another child not willing to spend money, eight hours by car, he only ate two bags of instant noodles. After getting off, I don't know how to go, being surrounded by people, but I can't even find the exit of the station. Finally, after coming out, crowded the bus all the way, did not hear the station name, sat over the station, and returned. When he saw me smiling to meet him at the university gate, he burst into tears. Looking at this thin young man, with dry lips, fluffy hair, sweat on his face, and a slight scar on his forehead that I do not know where, I finally laid down my heart, raised my hand to give him a warm palm, and said, Congratulations, you can finally break into Beijing by yourself.

When I left, I only left him two months 'living expenses. I saw him standing in a lot of well-dressed students, because simple and appear so lonely and lonely, how like I just entered the university, because humble, and then inferior. I smiled and said, Beijing is cruel, but also tolerant, as long as you work hard and hard, you will be like my sister, to support themselves. I know that my younger brother, for this sentence, will not have too much understanding, he is just sad, why love his sister so much, in Beijing for only a few years, then become so inhuman? The reason why he came to Beijing from afar was originally hoping to get material and spiritual support from me as envisioned by his parents, but he didn't think, even living expenses, being a sister, he had to earn it himself.

A month later, my brother called and begged me to find him a part-time job. I mean, do all your classmates have sisters to call, too? He was a sensitive boy and snapped off the phone without saying another word. In an instant, mother's long-distance call came. She was almost angry, said, you do not give him money, even do not help find a job, he is a person in Beijing, and so small, do not rely on you can rely on who? ! I don't know how to explain to my mother, in order to make her believe that I have eaten the suffering, he should also be able to eat, because we are all children out of the country, if we don't make a way, poverty will only extinguish all hope, and leave endless fear for us in the city. Hitting the wall, there will always be, but it is precisely because of hitting the wall that we quickly shed our clumsy shell and grow more rigid wings.

I finally agreed to give my brother some help. But I just wrote him a letter, telling him all the ways he could gather information about his job. These priceless "wealth" that I have accumulated for four years finally allowed my brother to find a part-time job as a proofreader in a magazine a week later. The work was not so easy and the money was not much, but he could always make a living. I went to feed him after he got his first paycheck. He carefully calculated the money he was going to use, and the rest was only enough for a "snack" in the school cafeteria. But I was still very happy, kept praising him, he bowed his head and did not speak, ate for a long time, he was like spitting a grain of sand like hate to spit out a sentence: my classmates pity me, so hard to feed themselves; Other people chat online, I have to stay up late to read the manuscript, even to write a letter to classmates have no time; And so little money, not even a fraction of your salary. I smiled: poor what, I have also been laughed at, because lost 50 yuan money, I cried in the dormitory for a day, no one knows that it is my monthly meal, and I, and low self-esteem, do not want to borrow, but still can not resist hunger, I give people in the school cafeteria to help, no salary, but finally have a meal. In the face of reality, if you don't have a thick skin, you don't even have the strength to walk.

In the days after that, my brother rarely called again, I know that he began to "love dearly" money, but also know that he is still angry with me, because once I called to go, he was not there, I said that he came back to tell him that his sister who is a teacher in the university called him to ask him hello, his roommate was surprised to say, how did he never tell us that there is a sister who works in Beijing? I did not explain to them, I knew he still could not understand my callousness, and in such a way he could be proud of his sister forget. Just as I would keep quiet and resent my origins when my roommates talked about how generous their parents were. Mockery and irony, confidence and pride, are to go through, I am willing to let them walk in front of my brother little by little, so that his heart, which is tormented by poverty, will be more tenacious and tenacious.