Embracing Self-Transformation: A Journey from Insecurity to Empowerment

At times, we find ourselves too weak.

🌱 At times, we see people around us as extraordinary and successful.

An accumulation of worries weighs us down, leaving us tired and withdrawn. Then, we feel we have nothing superior to anyone else.

If you're having such thoughts, listen to the story of a student from the Right Understanding Course 1 - a girl who found the strength to overcome internal barriers, change, and discover her own life's value.

📌 YOU ARE NOT AS INSIGNIFICANT AS YOU THOUGHT!

☘ I used to think I was ugly, bad, worthless, and charmless. I was scared of people's judgments because all I saw were flaws.

People mostly think about themselves the most, as we can't spend twenty-four hours a day thinking about others.

While working, I might think about the job, but underneath it all, I am doing it for myself. Rarely does anyone dedicate their whole day to others.

☘ I had a tall, skinny body, dark skin, and an average face. Luckily, I had a charming smile, a simple personality, and a likable demeanor to compensate.

I despised being told I was too skinny, that I should eat more. When I reacted, they'd say it was because they cared. Or they criticized my communication skills and lack of receptiveness to feedback.

I also hated being criticized for my awkward speech, incomprehensibility, and lack of charm. Even though it was true, I couldn't accept it.

And there were many other things, even just jokes, that turned into tormenting thoughts, causing immense suffering. Who wants to be hurt? I was the same, just trying to protect my soul.

I understood their words were correct. But I was struggling and feeling insecure with myself. Those simple phrases tore through my pain and rubbed salt into my heart.

My heart bled when someone criticized or pointed out my flaws. From that pain, I reacted negatively. While external wounds heal, internal injuries, even when healed, might not remain intact.

I once wished to live without going outside, wishing no one would make disparaging remarks. I wished for recognition that I was useful to society, not just judged by my flaws.

☘ To achieve these things, I read various self-improvement books. I read so much that people said I was just full of theories. Indeed, I finished reading but didn't know how to apply them.

I learned the lesson that "from knowing to doing is a great distance."

No matter how many books I read, I still felt insecure and anxious about the future and life.

There were no answers to the deep questions within me: "How to live well? What does it mean to live well?"

☘ One day, I revisited my favorite poem. "Hastiness" by Xuân Diệu, with two lines that resonated deeply:

"I am still on Earth, but I am no longer eternal,

So I regret both heaven and earth."

I won't live forever. So, I need to do something that makes my life valuable on this Earth.

But then I thought: "What can I do to be useful? While I feel useless, unable to do anything, even in conversation, I'm not skilled."

I realized there was an invisible barrier within me. It prevented me from showing my true self. After much contemplation, I decided it was time to change. I didn't want to sit there forever, fearing my imperfections.

I searched for reasons, goals, and motivations to change, to become more confident, and to contribute more to life.

And I had the chance to listen to enlightening teachings, including insights into Buddhist wisdom. These teachings helped me understand ethics, the Eightfold Path, the Four Noble Truths, and more.

Even though I had seen many sutras in my family's home, I couldn't understand them due to the classical Chinese. But this teacher conveyed Buddha's teachings in a way I understood.

Through this teacher, Buddhist philosophy spread into life, accessible to people of all ages. I was lucky to learn and listen to his teachings. I absorbed every word.

Back then, I wrote: "I vow to spend my whole life learning, reading books, and practicing. I vow to bring peaceful energy to life. I vow to keep striving."

☘ Then I started to learn about meditation, looking within to understand myself better. I gradually relied less on others and myself. In reality, everything originates from me; only when I change can I bring happiness and peace to myself.

Though I still have psychological barriers in communication, I achieved becoming a team leader of older members. I had a voice and the authority of a leader.

I was confident, standing in front of 9 team members to converse. I wasn't afraid they'd criticize my poor communication or judge my appearance.

Day by day, I felt the teachings were correct. I learned to appreciate everything.

I understood and loved myself and those around me, knowing I still had room to improve. And they were the same—understanding meant no more resentment or anger.

When I stopped blaming circumstances, I knew the problem was within me. I learned to improve myself, to become more endearing. I started to smile and be joyful.

I learned to love myself, flaws and imperfections included. I realized how lucky I was, as I had health, family, loving friends, and much more.

I recognized the wonders within me, values that previously went unnoticed.

Reflecting on the past, I knew I was fortunate to find a wise mentor. They helped me understand life's meaning and see things from new perspectives.

Instead of fixating on flaws, I changed, stepping forward without fear. I realized I am also wonderful in this life.

Thank you for reading, see you later.