College Pressure and Benefits

I want to start off by saying that 2020 was a very interesting and challenging year. There were times I felt like giving up on everything and everyone. Yet I kept going. I had refused to give up for many reasons. But the main reason is that I am not a quitter. I was not raised to give up, especially on something as import as my future. It was senior year and I was still completely lost on what college I would be attending. Or if college was even for me. Yes I had my choices but with the conflict of tuition and choosing a college my parents approved of, I was stressed.

Then COVID-19 came into the picture. I wanted some form of independence and experience before entering the real world. But COVID-19 popping up out the blue, I had to put that on the back burner. Imagine being 18, about to be off to college with no work experience and you are closed off from the world. No, I am to from a wealthy or upper class family. I am a middle class child that is shield from majority of the world.

Every time I thought I had everything figured out, something bad happened and I end up back at square one. Eventually I was able to get a job in August and the next day I received a call that I was accepted into SCAD. Everything seemed to be back on track but not everything good lasts forever. I started hitting bumps after bumps and it was like the light was dimming with every bump. I was losing faith and hope. I started stressing about deadlines and how I would be able to pay for college.

I started to question if college was really for me or what I should be focused on right at that moment. But they say that "God is never early or late, he is always on time" every time I feel completely lost and about to say " I give up" here he comes and brings back the light and hope. Decisions and timing, everything happens right when it is suppose to. I have been struggling to sit back and relax. "What is meant to be will be".

As of two days ago I almost had a panic attack. I was extremely stressed because all the documents I had to turned in I had to wait on my parents to get them together. then when I think everything is fine, BOOM something else is needed and I was running out of time. I felt like everything and everything was against me. But two nights ago (Dec 28) was the worst. I checked my email and my check list and I was being asked to submit my dad's tax transcript which I had done over a two or three weeks before hand.

In that moment I truly believed that maybe it was not meant to be. that maybe I just was not good enough to even attend college and for so many other things that have been building up. At that point my depression and anxiety took over. But I fought through it, I am so much than the bad things in my life. I had promises to keep, so what if this was not meant to be I can do so many other things. I am a big sister and I as the first out of my parents and grandparents it is may job to show my siblings the college path. To show them that no matter what they can make it to this point as well. Nothing is impossible if they believed.

The next day (Dec 29) I called the school and was told that everything had been processed and that my information should be updated. I was beyond relieved because classes started Jan 4 and now all I had to worry about was my balance of less that 5,000 that would be due by the middle of the quarter. Which I was able to take care of today.

Now I can genuinely be happy about starting my classes and pursue my dreams/goals. Making my family and myself proud will now be step closer. Going to college is so much more than going to school for a degree. For some families it is the ticket to better life, better opportunities. College is way more than a meal ticket, it is being able get you and your family out of a bad environment.

For me it is statement, I can and I will succeed no matter the circumstances. I am more than my race, gender and past. I am on black queen on a mission.