Breaking Barriers

A few years ago, I decided I wanted to go back to school and become a teacher. After a few years of feeling stagnant at my then safety job, it hit me one day that what really lit me up was watching kids learn and develop. I felt I was gifted at raising them up, and I couldn’t think of a better feeling than being surrounded with opportunities to help young people discover the world and themselves. Starting a new career path at 30 wasn’t that scary. Mature students, as they call us, are quite abundant these days.

When I mentioned this change in plans to my husband, Quinton, who knows me better than anyone, he laughed because he had suggested for years that I should be a teacher, but I had never seen it as a fit.

Looking back to February 2016, I had begun looking into the programming that was available at my local college and was happy to find I could do the first two years at home before having to transfer and commute from a larger university. We began budgeting and assessing what life with me back at school would look like for our family, as my kids were nine and eight years old at the time. There was so much to consider given that life can change so quickly over the span of four years, especially growing kids, but we decided the sacrifice would be worth it in the end.

One night a little after this decision, my hubby and I were at our rec co-ed volleyball game, (which is how we met 12 years prior) and Quinton—who knows me best—said that I should look into the college volleyball team for when I go back to school. I laughed. Playing a college sport was not something that crossed my mind when I was younger, so why would I look into that now? Not to mention I assumed 30-year-olds weren’t even allowed to play in college sports. I didn’t give it a second thought at first, but he kept insisting I should. He had played volleyball and baseball in his college years and loved every minute. Then my close friends and extended family started to join him in trying to convince me.

A close girlfriend of mine said, “Your husband is telling you to play a sport you love almost every night of the week, and he will pick up the slack at home…what’s the problem!” That was a wake up call. Maybe they were on to something.

Finally, I emailed the head coach on a whim. I was very insecure about my age, and the unusual circumstances I knew were part of my story, so I kept my email vague. I had to laugh when the responding email asked for my latest game footage, because we weren’t exactly documenting the recreational beer leagues I was frequenting, and when I was still in high school the athletes did not make youtube channels. The gig was up. I reluctantly told him my story…I wasn’t sure if he was even looking for anyone else, but if he was willing to consider me, I would love the opportunity. I was surprised when I heard back almost immediately and he invited me to try out. This surprise was all based in my own fears and assumptions of how people would perceive a mother of two looking into something like this. Here I thought of myself as a modern woman, so why I was allowing this negative rhetoric in my own mind I will never be able to explain.

I spent the next three weeks attending post season training with the team… and icing everything! It was the most I had put my body through since the pregnancies and births, but I was loving it. I was offered a spot on the team, and after a family meeting, I accepted and became a full-time student-athlete-mother.

I spent the spring and summer before starting school trying to prepare and make the transition smooth. It wasn’t though. I’ll be honest, about a month in, I wondered what the heck I had gotten myself into. I felt like I wasn’t doing any one thing well, and I was in over my head.

The silver lining was I loved school. Quinton cheered me on and told me I needed to see the year out. I worked on changing my attitude and letting go of my doubts. He assured me he and the kids were fine, and there was no proof that he was wrong about that so I was able to let go of some of my mom-guilt.

The Rustlers league season started, and to be totally honest, I didn’t know anything about the league I was playing in. As much as I’ve always loved volleyball, I had never followed it closely. I didn’t even realize that our league was part of the CCAA, and that if we did well we could attend Nationals for the Canadian collegiate level. My level of ignorance was actually astounding looking back…

I spent the school year working hard with these girls, falling in love with the team, who all get to know and spoil my kids. My daughter especially thinks she’s something else getting invited to this inner circle, and I start to see and appreciate what this gift is not just to me, but my kids who get to be part of this team too.

The team makes it to provincial championship. We’re hosting, the crowd is packed, and we win gold. Holding the trophy with Quinton and our kids that day was unbelievable, my heart was full of gratitude.

Two weeks later we are at Nationals in Victoria, about to compete with the best college teams across the country, something I didn’t even realize could happen when I signed up for this. And if I thought I knew before what this was to be involved in, I was wrong. Because it’s more.

I’m standing at the base line with my teammates, singing Oh Canada before our first match, and at that moment, whatever the outcome is, I am happy. Yes, I want to win incredibly bad, but I just spend a minute and a half staring at my country’s flag realizing that in some countries women don’t even get to play sports. Here I am with a support system who practically force me into opportunities I don’t even know I want! I decide I have to love every minute while I am there, no time for doubts or nerves.

The team flies, and we win gold at nationals, the first time a Lakeland College team has ever done it. We’ve made history at our little school of around 2000 students. I find my family’s faces in the crowds, and I’m an absolute puddle. They did this. It isn’t even about me. My nearest and dearest made me say yes to something instead of no-thank you. They helped me grow and rise, and this incredible moment hits me and I’m thinking of my kids, and all of the kids, and I just want to do this for everyone. I want to encourage people around me to say yes to things that scare them, yes to things that make them feel uncertain, yes to stepping out of the box, heck say yes to biting off more than you can chew.

Sometimes opportunities come to us that we didn’t even know we wanted. I’m learning every day to listen better to what tugs at my heart, and not be afraid to step off the path and try something unconventional. It’s always a good time to quiet the negative voices in our heads.

The word “mom” was something I thought didn’t go with being a college athlete…but another girl on my team shares my first name, so the girls nicknamed me mama within week one…and now I can’t imagine loving any other nickname more. Being a mom is my favorite thing. Why should I feel strange about that when I’m playing?!

I guess the moral of the story is to seek ways to push your boundaries and get comfortable being uncomfortable.