Becoming the Real Me

I was always a child that was put down, told I would be something I didn't want to be. A lawyer, an accountant, whatever other high paying and stable job that a controlling parent/parents can think of. Ambitions were crushed and thrown away in the fear that I would follow the mistakes of others and lead myself down a spiral, paying bill by bill with no hopes of escaping this endless loop. I was traumatized. At the age of twelve, and for most young girls who are reading the newest and upcoming books, such as Hunger Games, Twilight, Harry Potter, etc…, I decided that I would love to become a writer. I had the imagination that would run wild more times than not, but I thought, “Wow! Wouldn’t this be amazing if I could make other people feel how I feel when reading?” Seeing the world form as they read each passing word, closing their eyes and dreaming of a place that I manifested with my own wit and ambition; it was something that I started to yearn for! I spoke with my teacher at the time, and she wholeheartedly loved the idea of helping me with my writings. But then, the worst thing that could have happened, did.

My parents weren’t too involved in my school life, not like they were with my brother or sister, so when they were a part of a parent-teacher conference, all hell burned over. My teacher expressed her amazement at my loyalty to reading and how well I wrote stories. She expressed that I wanted to become a writer and how exciting that could be, but my parents lost their minds. A writer lives paycheck to paycheck, and there is no guarantee that people would love what I would have to say! I was heartbroken and embarrassed, and after that, I told my teacher that I just didn’t have the desire to write anymore, and I moved on with this road my parents paved for me.

As time passed, I became a senior in high school, sported a good G.P.A., was captain of the varsity volleyball team, and was pretty laid back for the most part. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life or how I was going to get there. My parents nagged me everyday about college applications, asking where I was applying, what major, and everything else that they could have controlled. I would tell them that I had to stay after volleyball practice for tutoring, and that's how I got most of my alone time. I would always go into my mathematics teacher’s class and watch her tutor students, and I loved how involved she was and how she made everyone feel comfortable. She was the person who changed me into who I am now, and I will never forget that.

She would ask me to help a couple students while she worked on grading some papers every now and then, and I never had anything better to do, so I would comply, and I started really enjoying the fact that I could help these other students. I felt like I had a purpose whenever I would hangout in her room and teach the other kids, even some my age. One of the days I went, she had no other students in her classroom, so I asked if I could grade papers with her, which she happily agreed to, because who wouldn’t want help with all of the grading teachers had to do, and she sat me in front of her, and we chit-chatted about the future.

She knew my parents were tough on me, but she also knew that I had no drive, even though I displayed “so much potential.” I was quizzed for two hours on what I wanted to do with my life, but I just had no answers to give her. I had given up on choosing something that I actually wanted, and I couldn’t really decide to become a writer at this point; I was more mathematically and scientifically inclined. I could write a good essay, but a story with proper grammar and dialogue, not so much. And spelling too, we cannot forget about my spelling issues. But then she had the audacity to ask me if I wanted to become a teacher. This woman had watched me for what was then three years grow as a student, and enjoy tutoring and helping others. I would volunteer at school events, not only because I didn’t want to be at home, but because I enjoyed conversing and assisting people. I became a human that got satisfaction from helping others. She told me just how much I could shape the minds of students and help them become good people. And then she threw the biggest curveball at me that changed my entire perspective on careers, such as teaching. She told me that I could help students just like me find my path in life and show them that mathematics is nothing to be afraid of.

I racked my brain for days on what she said, and then I made my decision. I applied to schools that were further from home, sent off clips of myself playing volleyball and asked for recruiters to come to my games, and I applied for a major in Mathematics to become a high school teacher. My parents were livid when I got my first acceptance letter that was for a college three hours away from home, and more and more so as they came in one by one. I told them that I wanted to live my life in a way that would make me happy, and that I would become a high school teacher that teaches mathematics. They were appalled at the job I chose, saying they are under appreciated and make too little.

I explained to them something very important that I learned from my teacher. Teaching is something that isn’t appreciated like it should be, and we are not always recognized for all the things we do, the time we spend making preparations for fun activities or the money we spend on giving our class a great experience, but what we do get is so much more. We receive the love and care of some faithful students that keep in touch as years pass by. We see the students that we helped come to terms with their situations and family issues grow and become great human beings. We create connections and become a person that these kids can rely on. They did not agree with what I was doing, but my sister helped me explain that I had made up my mind, and that I wanted to become a person who would be there for others.

So after all these years, and now finishing up my Bachelors Degree in Mathematics with the Focus of Teaching and Academics, I can wholeheartedly say that my students are very annoyed with how I tell them that math is a “love language,” but we have a ton of fun. I have made so many lifelong connections, and I now have students that come and visit me when they come home from college or are on break. I have students that come to my class for advice, and I am there to listen and help guide them where I can. I also show the importance of some math, and how to prepare for going to college or trade school because both are important. I became a person who would move mountains to help my students go to the places they want to go.

The real me is a person that wants people and students to know that life is bleak when you stay on the paved path, but if you can find that one person that can break that road and change your mindset, then you can live life fulfilled with many more adventures to come. And for me, I have a teacher that took the time out of her life to help a girl who had nothing but broken dreams. So the real me is not someone bound by the words of her parents or what tradition thinks, it’s a person who can shed light to others and help them find their path as well.