A Little Yes And,

"You’re only given one little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it." - Robin Williams

The idea is simple, you just say something, and then expound. Improvisation is the soul behind many comedians and performers, it's often the fuel behind some of the most memorable movie quotes, and it's the foundation for most of our every day interactions.

In 2014 I took an Improv class at Daytona State College. It was one of the hardest, best things I've ever done for myself. It encouraged me, reprimanded me, and overall made me a better version of myself.

I'm sure that I'm not the only person that's benefited from it though. I don't intend to be the last either. Implementing the core principles of Improv can help you too, to be a better communicator, a better date, and an overall better person. There are too many lessons than can be contained in such a small format, so I'll give you three:

It's a group project

It's no surprise that when we talk about some of the famous performers that have used improv we talk about a group. Whose Line is it Anyway? wouldn't succeed without a group of people to bounce ideas off of.

It's a group that makes the performance worth watching. They add ideas, ask questions and can help out if you're stuck.

You can often tell when someone is showboating, or thinks they know more than the others, because they try to shut others out of the show. They think they have this grand idea, but when everyone participates together? That's when the show takes off.

In life too, we can't succeed on our own. Behind every success story is a group of people that made it happen. Think I'm wrong? Take any success story you want, and I guarantee you there are collaborators behind the scenes, financial advisors, life coaches, father figures, friends, rivals, someone.

In a digital age it's easy to feel as though we're drowning in a current of insurmountable loneliness. No one may be reaching out to you. It becomes your job then to form the group, to make the effort for everyone to feel involved.

How do we do this? How can we reach out? Talk to people. Simple as that. "But I'm not outgoing? I'm shy, etc" Sign up for a class. It's funny one of the things that we most dreaded in our lives was something that also gave us one of the most vibrant senses of communities. Sign up for something that interests you, look for Facebook groups, become a volunteer, surround yourself (not all the time) with people. We need each other.

Life: It's a group project

Don't try to be funny

One of The. Hardest. Lessons. For me personally. Buried underneath this fleshy exterior beats the heart of a wannabee comedian. Writing jokes is something I do all the time, whether it's in a google docs, twitter, or just my head. I love watching comedy, I love performing it. Improv, like life though, is not a comedy

One of the things our teacher Prof. Stern taught us, was that by trying to be funny we often just weren't. Things that are funny, usually are that way under very specific circumstances, and too often cannot be replicated when you try. By embracing this, and not going for the joke, we end up being hilarious.

Ask any professional improv artist and they'll tell you that they don't go for the joke, it just comes out. How? It's that collaborative process we talked about earlier. The awkwardness of first impressions, mixed with the reminder that you're just on stage, and to not take oneself too seriously makes for unforgettable comedy.

Whether you're on a date, or just at a social gathering there are people who are funny and people who aren't. Usually the funny ones have a natural cadence, they're not trying to be funny, they are themselves, and sometimes it comes across as humorous. The people that aren't are often the ones trying to make a joke. Think about your not-very-funny Uncle at Thanksgiving. Is it a natural humor, or did he tell a knock-knock joke?(I'm not hating on Knock-Knock jokes, they have their time and place).

The trick here is to not take yourself too seriously. It's the difference between Comedians and Improvisation artists (there are some who do both). The Comedian plans, and plots, writes and rewrites. At the end, if the Comedian has talent, or hard work enough to replace it, he'll make someone laugh. It's scripted though, and life isn't. Improv is the opposite. There's no planning, there's some practice, there's some forethought but the time is about 3 seconds.

In life if we take longer than 3 seconds to answer something it shows. We're too caught up with what people will think. Just say something. It might not be perfect, and it might not be Hollywood quotable, but it will be real. It will be an authentic reality of you, and which would you rather display? Which would you rather have people notice?

I also did say that we practiced. If we weren't on stage we practiced. That's exactly what you'll have to do too. If you want to be a good communicator, presenter, or conversationalist, you're going to have to be bad first. That's okay!

But John, I have anxiety about talking to anyone what do you mean? I can understand that there are some that have legitimate mental concerns when it comes to talking with anyone. My advice is just do what you can, what you're able to. Maybe it starts with online communication - try not to think out the texts or messages too much, but maybe that's where it starts. I don't have all the answers here, but I do know that Prof. Stern said to 'have fun with it' and that's what I intend to do.

Yes, and

One of the words that was prohibited when I first started was "No" because No is an exclusion of an idea. It's not acceptance, and in improv the goal is, regardless of how ridiculous or silly the idea, acceptance. In order to build these stories, it's imperative that we accept everyone's version of the story, and create something truly unique.

Doesn't that lead to failure? I guess that depends on what you think of as failure. Do you think it's a story that no one laughs at, and that doesn't make sense? yeah it can sometimes lead to failure. Do you think of failure as something that you can't recover from because you weren't as funny as you thought? No, I don't think it leads to failure.

The principle of Yes, and helps us to realize that we don't have all the best answers. Even if we have the right ones. Re-read that sentence please.

In the amazing t.v. show Community, the character Jeff Winger played by Joel McHale is giving a speech in which he says

and Abed, we need people like Abed. You ask him to pass the salt, and he gives you soup. Why? Because soup is better. Abed is better

We do need that. We need the answers that no one would expect. It's the premise behind the Jim Carey movie "Yes Man". He's a guy that continually shuts off opportunities in his life because he 'knows better' and it isn't until he makes a promise within himself to literally say yes to everything that he experiences fulfillment in his life.

I'm not saying to say yes to everything. Jim Carey's character learns that too, in all things balance. What I am saying, is that most of us say "No" a little too often. Every once and a while, even if it's a little uncomfortable we need to say "yes and..." but, 'and' what?

I don't know, and that's exactly why we need it.

***

If you're looking for ideas on where to get started, go to an Improv performance and see if it's something you'd enjoy. Then get in on the action, join an existing group or start your own! You don't have to do it for an audience, you can do it just for you.

That Improv class, in 2014 - To date- the best class I've ever taken.