6 Things I Learned from Working with Teenagers Who Had Been Kicked Out of School

Working with teenagers who’ve been kicked out of school has been one of the most eye-opening experiences of my career. Society tends to think that if a teen is struggling, it’s automatically their fault—that they’re lazy, defiant, or just “bad kids.” But that couldn’t be further from the truth. Spending time with these young people has taught me six important lessons about schools, parents, and the teens themselves.

1. Sometimes the School IS the Problem

We like to believe that adults—especially teachers—always have children’s best interests at heart. And sure, sometimes kids make mistakes. But sometimes, the school is actively making things worse.

I remember one student in particular who had been kicked out for refusing to participate in class. Her family’s first language wasn’t English, and they had difficulty advocating for her. What I discovered shocked me: one teacher had repeatedly told her she was stupid, even waving a blank piece of paper in front of her in front of witnesses, saying her “brain was as empty as this.”

While this is an extreme example, schools can be part of the problem. Policies, lack of support, and even individual staff biases can push a teen out instead of helping them thrive. And unfortunately, not every child has someone in their corner to notice or challenge it.

2. So Many Have Undiagnosed Educational Needs

Many of the teens I worked with were struggling because their brains just worked differently—and no one had realised it. ADHD, autism, dyslexia, sensory processing differences… these conditions are often undiagnosed, and the waiting lists for assessments in this country can stretch for years.

Sometimes the traits run in families, so parents assume what they’re seeing is “normal.” That means some kids never get the help they need, and by the time they reach their teens, the classroom environment becomes overwhelming. Overstimulated, understimulated, exhausted—they shut down, act out, or disengage entirely. And then they’re labelled as “problematic” instead of “unsupported.”

3. Bad Behaviour Has a Cause

This might sound obvious, but it bears repeating: bad behaviour is never random. It has a cause. Trauma, learning difficulties, and family dynamics all play huge roles.

I once worked with a young person whose father had had an affair, leaving the family in turmoil. The teen refused contact with him for a while, and when contact resumed, the father excused all sorts of negative behaviour and blamed everyone else except himself and his child. The teen’s behaviour wasn’t defiance—it was a response to a fractured family life.

Other times, the cause is something as simple—and as devastating—as not being able to read. By the time they’re in their teens, admitting they can’t read is too embarrassing, so they get themselves removed from class instead. Misunderstanding behaviour without looking for the cause only pushes them further away.

4. More Teens Are Out of School Than You Think

We tend to think missing school is a choice—something parents do to get away with holidays, or something kids do because they’re lazy. But in reality, there are so many teens out of school because there simply isn’t a suitable place for them.

Funding cuts, the move toward mixed-ability classrooms, and the closure of specialist provisions have left gaps in the system. For teens who need specific support, there may literally be nowhere appropriate to attend. And yet society penalizes parents for taking time off with their children while completely ignoring these systemic failures. The irony is frustrating—and, unfortunately, all too common.

5. Even Their Parents Give Up

Parents often struggle to understand why their teens can’t just “get on with it.” When a child is out of school due to mental health challenges or undiagnosed conditions, parents can feel powerless or frustrated. They want their children to succeed, but they don’t always know how to help—or they’ve tried everything and nothing works.

We give working adults sick notes when they’re in crisis. We allow time off for recovery. But somehow, we expect children—especially teens with ADHD or autism—to simply “manage” in an environment that isn’t designed for them. Many parents reach a breaking point, and understandably so. It doesn’t mean they’ve failed; it means the system has.

6. They Are Often Fantastic People

This is, by far, the most important lesson. Most of the teens I worked with had endured more than most adults ever will. They were battling invisible struggles, navigating trauma, and trying to survive in environments that didn’t fit them. And yet, when you get to know them, they are often brilliant, compassionate, and resilient.

They’re clever, funny, and incredibly perceptive. They understand right and wrong—but they hate the classroom. And honestly, if you were in a job that made you miserable every day, wouldn’t you leave too? Their decision to leave school isn’t a moral failing—it’s self-preservation.

Conclusion

Working with teens who’ve been kicked out of school has shown me how fragile and flawed our education system can be. It’s easy to blame the child, but the truth is far more complicated. Schools fail some students. Families struggle to provide support. Mental health challenges and undiagnosed conditions go unrecognised.

But within all this, the teens themselves are extraordinary. They’re survivors, innovators, and often, quietly brilliant. Understanding why they’ve been pushed out—and how to help them—requires empathy, patience, and a willingness to challenge assumptions.

The next time you hear about a teen being kicked out of school, remember: the problem isn’t always the child. Sometimes, it’s the system. And sometimes, it’s our failure to truly see and support them.