100 (Funny & Witty Lines)

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###100 (Funny & Witty Lines)

1. You look like Google, because you have everything I’m searching for.

2. Love is blind, but neighbors ain’t!

3. I’m not lazy, I’m on energy-saving mode.

4. You have something on your chin… no, the third one down.

5. You’re like a cloud. When you disappear, it’s a beautiful day.

6. I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.

7. My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry.

8. If you were a vegetable, you’d be a ‘cabbage’.

9. Stop talking, you’re giving me a headache.

10. I’m on a seafood diet — I see food and I eat it.

11. You’re not stupid; you just have bad luck thinking.

12. You have something in common with a broken pencil — pointless.

13. Are you Wi-Fi? Because I’m feeling a connection.

14. Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it’s probably crap.

15. You bring everyone so much joy… when you leave the room.

16. My brain has too many tabs open.

17. You have something in common with Monday — nobody likes you.

18. I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.

19. You talk like your phone has a low battery.

20. You have the IQ of a speed bump.

21. If being annoying was a job, you’d be CEO.

22. You’re the reason shampoo has instructions.

23. You run like a penguin with leg cramps.

24. If you were any slower, you’d be going backwards.

25. You laugh like a broken car horn.

26. I don’t have time for your drama — I have my own.

27. Your face makes onions cry.

28. You’re the human version of a participation trophy.

29. I love what you’ve done with your hair — how do you get it to come out of your nose like that?

30. Your brain is like the Bermuda Triangle — information goes in and never comes out.

31. You’re as useless as a white crayon.

32. I don’t insult people, I just describe them.

33. You were born to stand out… as a bad example.

34. Your voice is my phone’s silent mode.

35. You have the charm of a wet sock.

36. Your selfies need a ‘Caution: Hazardous’ label.

37. If laziness was an Olympic sport, you’d come last — because you wouldn’t even show up.

38. You make onions cry.

39. You have more issues than Vogue.

40. I bet your imaginary friend runs away from you.

41. You dance like a fish out of water.

42. Your memory’s so bad, you forgot how to blink.

43. Your jokes are like expired milk — nobody enjoys them.

44. You smell like forgotten homework.

45. Your attitude needs a reset button.

46. I’d explain it to you, but I left my crayons at home.

47. Your face is proof God has a sense of humor.

48. You’re slower than a snail on sleeping pills.

49. You have the IQ of a doorknob.

50. You’re about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.

51. You couldn’t pour water out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel.

52. You’ve got the grace of a falling fridge.

53. Your life’s ambition is to survive Monday.

54. You have the personality of a brick.

55. You’re the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.

56. You sing like a dying cat.

57. You’re a few fries short of a Happy Meal.

58. You have a face for radio.

59. You’ve got more attitude than IQ.

60. Your logic is like a screen door in a hurricane.

61. You bring bad luck just by existing.

62. You have the timing of a broken clock.

63. You’re the reason aliens won’t visit Earth.

64. You’re as fake as your Gucci slippers.

65. You couldn’t find your way out of a paper bag.

66. You’re the poster child for bad decisions.

67. You have more mood swings than a roller coaster.

68. You’re like a software update — unnecessary and annoying.

69. Your ideas are like expired coupons — useless.

70. You’re the human equivalent of a typo.

71. You argue like a microwave — lots of noise, no heat.

72. You’ve got the energy of a dead phone.

73. You’re as sharp as a marble.

74. You’re like a cloud of mosquitoes — irritating and everywhere.

75. You have the leadership skills of a lost sheep.

76. Your jokes are dad-level bad.

77. You couldn’t sell water to a thirsty man.

78. You’re more disappointing than unseasoned fries.

79. You’re about as welcome as a pop-up ad.

80. Your attitude is worse than Wi-Fi at a village fair.

81. You’re slower than Windows XP.

82. Your laugh sounds like a car starting in winter.

83. You’re the human version of buffering.

84. You have the emotional range of a teaspoon.

85. You make wallpaper look exciting.

86. You’re the definition of ‘why though?’.

87. You have the consistency of jelly in an earthquake.

88. You argue like a traffic jam — loud, stuck, and pointless.

89. You have the memory of a goldfish.

90. Your favorite exercise is jumping to conclusions.

91. You’re as useful as a knitted teapot.

92. You’re like a broken pencil — pointless.

93. You sleep like a rock and think like one too.

94. You’re the type to trip over wireless internet.

95. You have the reaction speed of a parked car.

96. Your brain is on airplane mode.

97. You’re about as subtle as a chainsaw.

98. You’d forget your own birthday if it wasn’t on Facebook.

99. You’ve got more filters than an Instagram influencer.

100. You’re the king of bad timing.

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