Word of the Day: 捜す

So, my computer was hacked again and now they are wanting me to edit wikipedia articles for some reason, referencing bank trans actions and such, which I found highly disturbing. Also they tried to get me to agree with completely bullshit things. Since I can't really see since I don't have glasses, I would never agree to anything I can't see.

If that means turning into Arya Stark and just start smacking people who attack me, then so be it.

This wasn't my original function though, I was a scribe so. I want to be recognized as that. I am learned. Which is a threat to anyone with a dick.

Because when you heighten your intelligence, it also makes you more predatorial since, you realize, you must consume something or someone in order to survive.

Unfortunately, men have more power so that is a very dangerous force to put in their hands.

The nice thing, is everything is a choice. You can do what you want.

But there will always be consequences> Oh Jani Makinen.. yes, I am happy. I hope you're doing well too. I didn't expect to talk to you as much as I have been since I am in love with Brian now, but he is much too Oh yea, No.

Oh Jaime...I can't imagine how he feels about me now.

I am just happy I have a weighted blanket. It really helps you relax when anxiety keeps ramping up.

Oh

Yea, I got some sleep and that was nice, I am actually in a way better mood now. I feel like, it is ok to be exposed when I am the one who is doing it. I guess I gave myself my power back but, I mean it is only temporary.

At least I have today to be happy so, that's good. I mean, I guess I had an unhealthy way of coping with stress by bottling stuff inside but, I feel like that was really from being around my mom too much. I mean just the source of where that came from, not like, into perpetuity.

I know this blog actually doesn't mean anything, it is just me typing and having a space to actually breath, be whatever it needs to be. Also to help regain focus while processing everything.

I guess, if we look at this realistically, I would probably need to wait for a "response" from the universe at this point. That's just what Avalon is telling me but I mean, she has always given really sound advice.

I have a bottle of tradzadone on my table from doctor Lodhi. I mean, yea I didn't throw away any of my medications, I just haven't been taking any of them. Well, that is a lie, I have taken a few hydroxyzine as needed. But it is like, you can balance that out naturally by avoiding caffeine so, is it that I have an anxiety problem or a caffeine problem?

So like in Pixie Road, we have a gas-tank/meter and it is like... when it is full you can do all the things, but when it runs out, you have to refuel.

I also realize that, despite whatever the rules are of the world, it is more important to follow your own code of ethics, but also it is important not to betray that, because then, it is you who has to allow the consequences to come. Yea, I do understand that.

Yea.. I guess.

Yea I am seeing the, plot as it were.

There are a lot of pictures I didn't take. But I think it is for the best.