Word of the Day: 津波

I hate that I am admitting this in this way but I feel like I shouldn't have drank the coffee or sodas. I might be surging into some sort of manic episode and now I have to play it cool today.

I was having such a nice few days so I am hoping my whole vibe isn't ruined based off of this. I just want to go to the gym, get some endorphins, and them come back home and prepare for my interview.

I don't even want to see my crush right now... aw. we could've been friends. So sad. Why do I have to make everything weird and sexual. He is just a boy. I need to stop looking at them through this lens. It is kind of objectifying someone and not giving them the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he is smart? I don't know...pffft. He look a little derpy though, it is cute. Little muscle man.. See, I just see a cute little brother but there is some weird sexual thing that needs to be smooshed.

It is a distraction for sure. Keep puffing your chest, little puffin. ( heart fingers )

Now I am being held up with a Sim card issue. I need to get out of the house soon but they need my computer for whatever reason. Dumb Google Fi. When I was in Cedar Hills, google company went down. It felt like the apocalypse for all the crazies. Imagine being locked up in a mental ward when the zombie apocalypse hits? It would be like Rick from the walking dead.

I am back from the gym. Omg... this Korean oppa with like 2% body fat is there and he's so bendy af. He is not my puffin, but he is beautiful eye candy. So strong, so stern.. I feel like I'd shit my pants if I went up to him but we stretch in the same area a lot. He is more like an appa, but whatever. I think I got discouraged because Yuki drank too much and scolded me on my looks. He's such an asshole. I shouldn't even support his political career. He is stuck licking his wounds and won't get back on the horse. He is like, " I am an old man, I am just going to drink until I die. " If I didn't respect him I'd beat on his ass. He skated by on his looks for too long, now he's a drunkard.

I used to be a very pretty girl but then gave all my love to one man for too long and didn't experience anything really when I was supposed to. My 20's were just taking care of my mom who constantly needed surgery and studies. I wish I were more of a slut. Maybe my heart wouldn't have been able to take it though.

I am taking insurance lessons because I've become a boring adult. I think I am just wanting some stability and this seems more "stable", but who knows. I also heard back from another job I didn't think was going to write me back. I am going to have a really busy week I feel. Who knows where I am going to end up?

I don't feel like I can really accurately measure anything so it is just based off of what I feel like doing in the moment. Writing feels the best, or it feels the most straight forward. I think the only constant conversation I have is with myself, and perhaps that's all I have.

This handsome Indian man wants to meet with me and I feel like it is a good chance but, my heart is still sore from my last dalliance. I don't really want to go over the same heartbreak with some Varun Dhawan look-alike.