Word of the Day: 施設

I just got back to my mom's home from Cedar Hills again. Unlike jail or other times I was in there, I didn't really keep a journal because my glasses broke and I didn't go in there with my contacts. So I was essentially blind most of the time.

I sort of dramatically explain this witht he visual of my face mask covering my eyes. Because I felt my eyesight wasn't really doing anything and it isn't like my eyes are cloudy or anything to show I am blind but, just to explain, without glasses or contacts, I wouldn't be able to legally drive so, that is pretty blind. It freaked out some of the nurses, but I think after a while they understood what I was trying to convey.

Coming out of it I got a few phone numbers but I honestly feel numb. I feel like I don't have much of goals or anything anymore, also my mom is a bitch and wouldn't let me drink the Grey Hound can in the fridge.

" Your dad's side of the family are alcoholics. "

.... Ok, what does that have to do with 1 small can of vodka? I don't think I'll ever have a relationship with my mom again. We live in the same house but we don't have a relationship. This is basically a foster home as far as I concerned. I think that reaction is utterly ridiculous and if it was simply she didn't want me to drink her drink, she could've said something along those lines. like " Oh, I am going to have a busy day tomorrow, I want that for tomorrow evening to unwind. " or " I am making a steak tomorrow and I am using it for the marinade. " You know? Why was it right to shitting on my dad's side of the family?

It is the next day and I made my butter coffee again which I have been developing the habit in Cedar Hills, along with eating cottage cheese. I guess I am sort of subconsciously going on a keto diet, but I don't feel like I am dieting. I just feel like I am listening to what my body wants and I am not adhering to it perfectly so... I am just eating/drinking intentionally rather than restricting anything.

I feel like the butter activates the coffee and makes me more energetic and if you get the right type of butter and coffee, it is perfectly fine. Also, it sort of activates my butt more, if you know what I mean.

When I was in Cedar Hills, I felt disappointed but actually rather calm, I wasn't depressed or angry, I just felt like, " Same shit from my mom, it is just better to go into meditative state and ride the wave of this. " I mean, they give you food, you get shelter, people are generally kind to you. I am just like, I guess that is all you can expect from people nowadays.

I guess I am being influenced that Bedouin woman Yoyo. She didn't give us Cottage Cheese because it is important for the meat of the tribe. I didn't.. Ah yes, Savannah does look like the girl from Tilamook. If she had grown up. Stonebreaker's cottage cheese is more coagulated? That is a term used for he clotting of blood but I am not sure what that means in milking terms. I know the gypsies need blood so, I gave it. The battle medic did a fine job I thought. I did get a bit woosy but I think it is good to know that she knows veins so well.