Word of the Day: 包丁

I am loving the Trax - Knife right now. It entered my head this morning. It is a very dramatic song, also it is nice that both the Korean and Japanese lyrics are congruent.

I am tired of waiting even though it has only been like 2 minutes tops. I think it is because I know I am just going to head over to the pot shop after this and get some stuff to get high one more time before school. I think it will also help with getting more homework done, but I won't stress too much about that. yea... I need to redo my homework and also my...

Keely came so, I had to stop mid sentence and no longer remember what I was going to say. I feel like I need to get my clothes on and head over to the pot shop really quick. I did talk to her about hydroxyxine but, I feel like that is a lighter version of what I am needing at the moment. The talk didn't really help me get over anything and actually made me more nervous of the classroom going forward. I mean, they were things I needed to consider but, I think I conveniently put them out of my mind to focus on homework. Or basically made homework the main thing right now. I guess I just need to keep thinking that way, just keep homework the main goal.

I am trying to warm myself enough to change clothes, because jus the thought of it right now is kind of unbearable since it is so cold.

I got too used to the heater being on, when the heat ran out, I found it even more uncomfortable. I guess also I feel a bit.. not guilty but, less proud about doing something like this, right after seeing Keely.

I honestly feel I have no choice if I want to actually do what I want to do, also sort of for survival in this messed up system. Just because weed isn't pharmaceutical, doesn't make it not medicine. And like all medications, the poison comes from overdosing either way. I do know that sometimes i tread the line of that, not yet crossed over but, playing with the line.

I just hope to have a future where I will not be so stressed out and not have to rely on anything. Sort of like a detox of everything. Not just weed, but people, food, just sort of fast and focus on spirituality. Like just a 4 day retreat.

Hopefully I can do it this weekend but, I feel like I am going to play homework catch up for a long time. Oh yea, I need to do the review too tonight. I probably should try to do what I can of the Japanese homework before school and leave the math for tonight. For that though, I definitely need weed. That time freeze effect that I got last night was awesome, I just didn't have the stamina to make use of it. I guess it sort of sped up the recovery process. So even if it wasn't what I wanted, it helped in its own way.

I want to just finish this video before leaving but I feel like I need to just get ready. I am very cozy now with the heater on and just want to stay home but I know I'll regret not getting ready now.

Jessica seems to be moving out today, I saw my nieces and her before going to the pot shop, I am sure they are suspicious of my actions but hopefully they don't say anything.