Woman Activate

Every month I am reminded of who I am.

I can portray myself as hard. I will try to tackle every problem that comes my way. I will solve all my issues, and others that depend on me. I can lift up to 80+ pounds. I will be determined as heck to only make 1 trip unloading groceries from my car to inside. I will watch YouTube videos after YouTube videos learning how to change my tire, put air in my tires, and change my oil. I will be the Mom, the Dad, the whoever I need to be to support others and get the job done.

I will hide my truth, behind agreeable smiles and nods. I will suppress my screams. My tears. My deepest desires.

The stigma. A single Mother. "Well you choose this bed, now lay in it." But did we though? The lies, schemes, and plots of others to use our hearts; abuse our love. Did we though? Who would in their right mind, ever personally volunteer for this? Minimum time for ourselves, fighting for relaxation or feeling like we are letting others down if we ever try and do something for ourselves for a change. Intense anxiety of there must be something I could have done to make situations better. Did I forget to put the clothes in the dryer? Did I forget to pay a bill? Wait, when did I schedule that doctors' appointment? Crap! My son's project is due tomorrow. Why the heck is car maintenance so expensive!? Overlooked and underpaid, what does this twisted world want from me?!! I digress..

Or did we have dreams as little girls, of our wedding day? A house full of little ones and extended family around 24/7. What real life is about; love and community. Did we visualize our yearly family vacations? Lazy weekends filled with home cooked meals and game nights? We dreamt of being a Woman. Well, at least I did.

Speaking of, I would like to make a disclaimer that this piece of my own thoughts and feelings is in no way, to discriminate or hurt any other group. I recognize and appreciate LGBTQ, non-binary etc. This piece is from my own personal point of view, and can only speak on my personal life experiences.

I may be alone in this, but I lately have found peace in my "monthly period". As I get older, I find myself reflecting on life and self more and more. And today, I couldn't help but feel a sense of amusement and appreciation of my "cycle". I noticed it's harder for me to suppress my true feelings. On my cycle you will know, if I am happy, if I find your presence revolting, and when I just want to be alone. Me time. Snack time. Nap time. With no regrets at all.

I get to be softer. Heavy lifting? HA! Not freaking today! I refuse, I won't and you can't make me. But what I will do, is snack on these Granola and Oats. I will listen to my favorite playlist, maybe "shake a tail feather" or maybe not, it's whatever I decide. I may watch a K-Drama series. I may read a Romance Novel and cry my eyes out at every sign of affection, protection, or appreciation because I deserve to release all pint up emotions.

It's like when you were in school and the bell rings at the end of the day signaling that you are finally free to go home. I now welcome my cycle, it's my freedom.

It's my war cry, Woman Activate!