where my happy ending

ya got your happy endings partly because of me breaking the rules and putting aside my plans to come rescue you when everyone that said they were your people left you high and dry. it didn't matter if i was tired i showed up, it didn't matter if i was sick i showed up, it didn't matter if i was broke i showed up, it didn't matter if i didn't want to i showed up, it just didn't matter. yea i cry a lot more then most guys but you would to if you were in my shoes. hell i lost my mom after taking care of her for 10 years plus and my grandma and my aunt lied and almost put me in cuffs but its not like they ran sacked everything leaving me with only two pictures. its not like a certain princess got me to move away from everyone and then two weeks later leave me breaking down in a broken down motel room in missuri holding those promise rings that i gave the girl that i thought i'll mary because she never thought of me as her man i was just her theory. if it wasn't for my mentor ant telling me to breath when he had a whole lot more important stuff to do i would have found that gun that night. how about having the freinds of yours take you into the woods and try to end you but you managed to get out of those woods with only a few broken ribs and a little headache. even when i was homeless both times i still put a handful of people that didn't care above me. theres a list of people i could name that wanna talk down on me but its not like thats a new list but would be nice if they didn't go around to others to say they mad at me when they know my phone pretty much in my hands at all times and if im not mistaken all of those names on that list ive fed when they couldn't even go to the dollar store, and gave money to pay their bills when they couldn't ride the horse at mejiers. here i am working on putting my past behind me but dammit that one mistake of mine still haunts me that brings me to tears daily even though im praying that one man hurt that girl and make her rain down anything but tears of happiness by showing her dad that he can rest in peace. they all got their happy endings partly because of me and i'm now left with all these memories and heartbreak but dammit i been the strong one so long that if i shed a tear or two then im being a cry baby or a sobstory. all i wanted was a second chance to be her friend, all i wanted was to spend a birthday not at work all day just to keep me busy so i dont get home and see that vase of ashes and cry cuz my mom wasn't here to say happy birthday to her little baby. its nice that all those cousins got those first class tickets, cars and money for days just cuz who their family was but they must have forgot that my name was in the same family tree but o well its not like my knees and back isn't banged up and my head is a bit lopsided with all the stress of me working as much as i do just to pay the bills. and on side note maybe i would be able to lay my head down at night properly if i could turn off those memories that defind me. got my ass handled to me to many to count but i got up and said nothing. i got betrayeld a page long times and got up shed a tear and kept going, i got used a book long and i still said what can i do for you. move on from my past heck theres a reason why i dont talk about my past but sure make up your mind on it based on the ones that hurt me in every way possible opinions. i just want to know whats her favorite bible verse, am i doing what my mom wanted and do good in the world, heck is that toroando watching on the front steps old man looking down on me and saying jt is doing good and more that i wont know. im just gonna end this here, breaking the fourth wall is over and time to put my half smile back on and go see how i can brighten everyone else day as i wonder who'se gonna make that phone call to the one i need to have a two second conversation with to make amends with my past once and for all.